Movies 2014, Bad Super Heroes

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

            I really do not think that I have the same nostalgia for this property that other people seem to have.  I had lots and lots of toys of the turtles, I watched different cartoons, and I watched the older movies growing up.  I never read the comics.  Regardless, while they are a fixture of my childhood I do not consider them sacred or high art, they are a bit of goofy fun that you watch, laugh a little, and then move on.  But this movie takes a lot of missteps and no real excuse for it, because the Turtles have been portrayed so many times so consistently that the failures are all the more obnoxious.

            First off I find that all of the Turtles themselves are well acted and well animated.  They look suitably monstrous with enough visual distinction to tell them apart.  Splinter is well acted, his voice oozes wisdom and concern.  Both of those things are good.

            I have real problems with the scope of the movie, the hack plot, and the bad guys.  Picture for a moment a tree, the tree branches out in numerous directions, with a big central trunk, then several large branches, then little branches, each with their own leaves.  When building a universe, whether it is a fantasy world like Westros or Middle Earth, a space voyage like Star Wars or Star Trek, or a world of superheroes like the Avengers or the Turtles you have to grow the universe the same way.  A central storyline: Fight Shredder and the Foot Clan; then secondary stories: Fight street crime with Casey Jones and April O'Neil, Fight monsters from Dimension X, Time Travel, Aliens, etc.  This movie doesn't branch.

            April saved them from the lab they were experimented on, the same lab that is working with the Shredder.  See, you took what could have been 3 branches: Shredder, April, and the Lab, and turned them into more trunk.  Rather than the story being able to go in a lot of different directions instead it goes in one direction.  Lack of scope.

            The plot is incredibly hack, a product of two of the biggest hacks in Hollywood, the same guys who did the Transformers series, modern Star Trek, and the Amazing Spiderman.... and holy shit is the climax of this movie look like the climax to Spiderman, with a strange mutagenic gas about to be released over New York, the tower to launch it falling off the building, and a fight taking place in a lab between the female protagonist (April here, Gwen there) to secure a chemical.  There is also magic blood (Star Trek Into Darkness and Amazing Spiderman 2), an action scene based around falling (Star Trek and Star Trek into Darkness, though I guess this is down a mountain rather than thru a debris field in space), and saving a mentor figure who is badly injured (Master Splinter here, Captain Pike in Star Trek).  So many elements that have been used before.

            Lastly, the villains are just flat and boring.  Their plan is to create a plague to sell the cure.... Which was the plot in a million other movies and Shredder is a mecha samurai.... just like the Silver Samurai was in "The Wolverine".  It is a boring plot, with boring motivation, and it once again echoes the sentiment of "9/11 Truther" movements which one of the writers is an outspoken member of.  None of the bad guys have any personality and only Shredder ever posses any physical threat to the Turtles.  Boring and unthreatening.  Very weak.

            I really wish some other creative teams could get their feet in the door of these types of movies.  I would not mind the Turtles fighting Krang or the Triceratops aliens, or just some big street gang.  Something other than this.

3/10

 

It's not like this was ever high art.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2                            

            This movie has serious issues, but first the positives.   I still think that Andrew Garfield is great in the role, clearly having a love of playing the character, and his real life chemistry with Emma Stone translates to the screen as a very sincere romance that in many ways makes the movie worth watching, and Emma Stone's Gwen Stacey is a competent active character that makes all other love interests in superhero fiction look weak by comparison.  A simple movie about them getting back together after breaking up in the first one, maybe while taking classes at NYU and Peter reconnecting with his friend Harry Osborn and battling a small gang of super villains (the Enforcers or Syndicate) would have worked wonders as a fun movie.  That is not what this was.

            This thing is two or maybe even three scripts shuffled together and they suffer for it greatly.  Clearly the Electro story was separate, starting off with Gwen and Peter broken up, Peter meets Electro initially as he works with Gwen as he is trying to get her back, Electro's obsession with Peter mirroring the unhealthy attraction Peter now has toward Gwen following her and taking pictures without talking to her.  Ultimately she helps to defeat Electro and Peter and her get together, her making a conscious choice to accept the dangers of his life as part of hers.  Maybe the introduction of Mary Jane to add a new love interest and give Peter temptation to leave Gwen be.

            The other script had to do with Osborn dying, and the army of super bad guy equipment that had been produced as a side effect of that research, that script had Harry kill Gwen as revenge for Peter failing to help him find a cure for the goblin condition, This running alongside the real story of Gwen deciding whether or not to go to the UK and Peter having to decide if he will follow, her death robbing him of direction in life and the movie ultimately ends with him recommitting to being Spiderman when the Rhino attacks.

            Each of those stories would have worked on its own, but they got mixed up and staggered so they just fail.  There are two showdowns within seconds of each other, the first with Electro, the second with Harry, you are so tired from the fight with Electro.... It is like eating a big meal and then having someone jam a funnel down your throat and pouring in a milkshake.  TOO MUCH.

            These two stories are shuffled together and their themes run counter to each other, one is about reconciliation between Peter and Gwen, the other is about them being broken apart.  A house divided cannot stand.  This is a whole that is less than the sum of its parts.

            This thing is cluttered and incoherent and a huge waste of talent as the special effects and action are on great and the actors are well cast, all of the stars are for Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone which this franchise utterly fails to live up to.

Overall: 4/10

This is a fan made poster.  All of the actual posters are inaccurate, in that they show it as a show down between Spiderman and Electro... That is not the core of the movie.  Gwen and Peter are the core.  I feel like I will have more to say about this movie in time.  Much like I did with "Man of Steel".

Measure of a Spiderman

            Spiderman has to be in the top 10 of most recognizable figures in Western Civilization.  He is at the center of an incredibly profitable movie franchise at the beginning of the 21st century that was along with "X-Men" the dueling efforts to have the best Superhero merchandising opportunities.

            Strangely "X-Men" and "Spiderman" chose to stick with an abandon the comic stories they were based on in different ways.  Spiderman was unquestionably faithful in a lot of ways, with a spot on J. Jonah Jameson, the best rendition of a super-costume prior to "Iron Man", and a large number of the supporting cast being thrown in and developed to different degrees.  However, much like "X-Men" (and the 90's "Batman" franchise) the drive to sell action figures pushed the creative team to over stuff the 3rd film with too many characters, causing the story structure to get completely butt fucked.  "Spiderman 3" was a bad movie that betrayed or undercut a lot of "Spiderman" and "Spiderman 2" retroactively.  The franchise was then taken out back and shot.

            However both "X-Men" and "Spiderman" are really potent properties, properties that were not owned by Marvel Studios.  The reason Spiderman was not in "The Avengers" is because he is currently owned by Sony, who also own "Ghostrider" (which Sony has no clue what to do with).  In order to hold on to those movie rights Sony has to produce a movie every so many years, so last year we got "The Amazing Spiderman" and this year we will get "The Amazing Spiderman 2".  I'm so far fine with this.  Mostly.

            When you are trying to make something that is not original, but is instead a new installment of something else the wisest thing a person can do is take the elements that are core (in this case Spiderman, Mad Science, and New York) and then take them in a new direction.  Spiderman has a big cast of characters to draw from, love interests, allies, villains, and supporting characters.  What is more the story line is pretty much pre-written and doesn't require much effort.  Almost without fail a Spiderman story revolves around someone who was trying to use mad science for profit and nefarious purposes getting turned into a monster and Spiderman having to stop them.

Not going to lie, if you study lizards for a living I kind of assume you are one lab accident away from super villainy at any minute, regardless of monstrous super power acquisition.

            "The Amazing Spiderman" does this new direction thing not nearly enough.  It keeps inviting comparisons to the old franchise.  While new casting was necessary and the actors were always going to have to deal with being compared, there really was no reason to exacerbate the problem by having that layered over the old story.  They re-tell the origin of Spiderman, a story everyone already knows and has seen on film in the last 10 years.  Then they invite it again with having Oscorp exist, the company headed by the Green Goblin, who will be appearing in "The Amazing Spiderman 2".  WHY?

            As I said, Spiderman has a big universe.  "Amazing" does use a new love interest, Gwen Stacy (played by Emma Stone) and I think she's great, she isn't just a damsel in distress but also uses her abilities to contribute to the ultimate success of saving the city from a mass poisoning.  Unlike Mary Jane (played by Kirsten Dunst) who just seemed like a constant put upon victim objectified by Peter in the original movies.  And it has nothing to do with the actresses, I like Kirsten Dunst, I like Emma Stone, it was the material that they were given to work with that set them apart.

And when they reboot it again in 2018 they'll probably have the Black Cat to work with.

            Now why couldn't they Gwen Stacy the rest of the world?  Instead of Oscorp, why not use Roxxon?  Roxxon is a lesser known entity in Marvel comics, they are less defined but still concretely evil, selling tainted medicine to the third world, irresponsible building practices, and employing mercenaries like Silver Sable to do dirty work for them.  They would actually free up the creative teams a bit to have more mad scientists and programs without being compared to the previous Goblin Industry.

            And why use the Lizard as a bad guy?  Doctor Kurt Connors appeared in "Spiderman 2" and "Spiderman 3" played by a different actor as one of Peter's Professors at NYU, a role he fills in the comics and cartoons.  The bad guy in this movie, a mutant genius with aims to turn everyone in the city into him with vague connections to Peter's past should have been one of two villains that no one has ever heard of, either Smyth the inventor of the Spider-Slayer giant robots, or the Jackal, who created a legion of Spiderman clones to take over the world.  Hell, the Jackal even has a cinematic theme to run with, wanting to create a flawed copy of the original, much as this series will inevitably be called by critics.

A small army of goofy killer robots called Spider Slayers would do a lot to lighten the tone of the movies.

This is Jackel.  One of his primary character drives in the comic was his stalker obsession with Gwen Stacey, to the point where he cloned himself a copy of her to have.

            The sequel actually seems to have this problem in spades, bringing back Mary Jane and both Harry and Norman Osborn.  And the bad guy they chose has some odd casting too.  They cast Jamie Foxx (great actor) as Electro, and he looks nothing like the character.  Electro is a silly looking character so change is appreciated, but if you are going to use a prominent black actor why not use a black character?  Like Cardiac?  Cardiac is a black character, he has electricity based powers and he is an industrial terrorist, fighting against Roxxon, the villainous corporation they should have used from the start.  Cardiac even has a fully body blue costume that actually resembles what Jamie Foxx has been shown to look like in the new movie.

Albeit, more hoody and less shoulder armor.

            "The Amazing Spiderman" does have a lot going for it, the costume looks cool (though they could have made it look really different to further differentiate the movies), the action is just better because special effects and the competitive one upping of superhero movies has compelled action to be more dynamic, and overall the casting is stronger, Andrew Garfield is a better actor than Tobey MaGuire, Martin Sheen is a better Uncle Ben than... That old guy who played him before, Denis Leary plays cops and first responders as well as anyone, and Sally Field is a great actress (though she gets to do next to nothing).  My complaints are not about the execution really, just that it doesn't do enough to stand apart.

            Look at "X-Men: First Class".  Fox Studios owns the rights to "X-Men" the same way Sony owns "Spiderman" and they made "First Class" to meet a deadline.  However they go so far away from the third X-Men movie so as to actually contradict it in places.  They are in a different era, they use characters that almost no one knows off hand, the costumes are totally different, and it really, REALLY worked.  It is hard to compare "First Class" to any of the other movies and it shines because of that.  It is its own thing.

Though I guess the sequel's job is to erase that distinctiveness and drag in all the old actors for a comparison.

            The reason I decided to write this is because I saw the new "Man of Steel" trailer and they are having some problems with differentiating themselves too.  But they are trying to work against that.  Krypton looks different, they are using new music, they have altered the costume a lot (and I think it looks really cool) and they have really good actors in every part because if they can't avoid comparison, they might as well try to vault it.

            This issue is going to come up more and more because actors get expensive and do not want to play a part forever, as of yet only "Doctor Who" has gotten around that problem entirely, and only James Bond has gotten away with ignoring it entirely (something they won't be able to do in the new era).

Video Game Idea: "Ultimate Sinister Six"

            I have an idea for a video game.  You remember "Marvel Ultimate Alliance"?  Where every hero who has ever spent the night at Avengers Mansion or punched someone wearing funny underwear was a playable character.  You know, that game where you could solo-run as Deadpool and succeed in beating Galactus.  Well how about we do something like that again but instead we play as the bad guys, more specifically the Sinister Six.

            The Sinister Six is an ensemble cast of super villains that have the stated mission of killing Spiderman and taking over the world.  They are led by Doctor Octopus, with the occasional pinch hitter of Hobgoblin taking command.

They do have a rather broad recruiting roster though, so I guess the game could go a little nuts.

             See, playing as a small group of bad guys with a limited range of powers, but numerous alternate costumes, and most importantly a clear goal has advantages.  It means that you can design the combat more tightly and with less concern for balance.  In "Ultimate Alliance" you could have a team with Thor, Silver Surfer, Doctor Strange, and Daredevil, and Daredevil would be able to keep pace.  That is retarded, I don't care how high Matt Murdock scored on his LSAT, or how much his super senses make up for him being blind, he is not a God, Cosmic herald of death, or the Sorcerer Supreme, it is weird.

            Nobody is going to think twice about whether or not Venom and Kraven the Hunter are all that dispirited in power, they have both fought against and beaten Spiderman, the difference is negligible.  So you can have boss fights that make sense against the Heroes for Hire, the Spider Friends, some X-Men, etc.

            But what is more, you can have them fight other bad guys, against the Hood, Doctor Doom, the Leader.  Have one of their missions be to steal stuff for Doctor Doom and then he stiffs them on the bill so they have to steal something from him to make it worth the effort.  It also gives you a solid cast that has a unique perspective on the Marvel Universe, what must it be like to constantly lose to a guy in a leotard who won't shut-up while he is fighting you?  Or to get thumped by the rival gang, the Wrecking Crew.  Or worse to have to argue with the Sinister Syndicate over who is most deserving of the name and why the other is hurting the brand identity.

Though maybe a dust up with Doom would be unwise.

             Are Doctor Octopus, Venom, Sandman, Kraven the Hunter, Hobgoblin, and Electro so unmarketable that this is undoable?  You can put Spidy on the cover, just have him in cross hairs and have the various weapons of the Six aimed at him.  Have it be an arcade beat'm up with the first level the group escaping from the Raft, Cube, Big House, or other super prison.  Have them fight guards and have the final boss be a repurposed Sentinel used to guard the place.  The rest of the game is them going from mission to mission beating other crooks, taking out heroes until they finally face off against Spiderman and his Amazing Friends, hell you could have them win, and just make the game an alternate reality in which the Six actually accomplish something.

Bang.