Friday, February 24, 2012

Movie Review: Divine 2011

            In an effort to keep myself funny I am going to try to write a movie review a day for the next 30 days.  This will be exhausting but I have done it before, so when I fail this time I really won't have the excuse of going beyond my means.  For the sake of simplicity I will just review all of the movies that came out in 2011 that I saw.

            So I am told by people who believe in god that such a being works in mysterious ways, that seems like sound reasoning, if good things happen your prayers are answered, bad things happen it is for some unfathomable greater plan.  Either way, I saw two movies with very religious overtones to them, well three, but I am going to put that third movie into a Superhero review later because he's more of a highly advanced Alien in that iteration.

I am better than either of the movies covered here anyway.
             I... Liked(?) these movies.  And I must be clear they are as distant from one another as they could get while still being in the same stadium, not the same ball park, but one is on the field the other is at the concession stand.

            First was "The Adjustment Bureau" (side note: I cannot spell the word Bureau without reference, it confuses whatever circuit responsible for me sounding things out).  Matt Damon is in love with a pithy and cute woman who is distracting to his political career, so the Men in Black will alter the memories and circumstances of the world to keep her out of his life so he can be President and make green technology more of a thing.  The world is full of hidden doors that are operated by magic hats, and the whole thing is overseen by the Chairman who pens the master plan.  So it is love versus destiny, and you can guess how that works out.  I like the subdued style, I like the acting, I like the thesis of the movie and the romantic ideal it exalts, there are some idiot ball moments but it is a movie about love, the idiot ball is used for catch in movies like this.

We are the most low key and stylish divine intervention in history.
             Style is a funny thing, it can be sleek and simple like "Adjustment", it can be colorful and garish, it can be an atomic bomb of the absurd, or it can reach the heights of "The Immortals".  Holy shit is this film crazy as hell.  People get hit with magic war hammers at super speed and are exploded by it.  There is a magic bow that shoots exploding arrows made out of fairy dust, and the hats... Oh, boy the hats.  There are some unintentionally hilarious parts to this movie (like the hats), some fantastically badass moments, like everything Zeus does, sexy, colorful, and one scene in particular in which a magic bow is discovered and the main character for the first time in his life realizes that gods and magic are real because he is holding a magic bow that shoots exploding fairy dust arrows (watch the actor's face when he plays with that magic item, it is really good acting).  And while the idiot ball is passed around in "Adjustment" in "Immortals" it bounces around like an errant electron.  I think when the bad guy is literally moments away from unleashing an army of titans that will destroy the world and is holding a god forged weapon, the Prime Directive needs to be put on hold, in favor of the bigger directive of Common-Fucking-Sense.  But that is just me.

This guy will be Superman, and I am alright with this.  He's a very sincere and capable actor.
 Final Scores
"The Adjustment Bureau": 3.5 out of 5 (4 out of 5 if you have a date)
"The Immortals": 3 out of 5 (3.5 if you like over the top bullshit)

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