Dungeons and Dragons, "Undying Warlock Patrons"

            I have been DMing a game of 5e Dungeons and Dragons for months now and have started to get more of a handle on things in 5e that I enjoy and things that kind of rub me the wrong way.  Plenty of these ideas have good baselines though, and do what they need to do.  That is, inspire me to make my own stuff.

            A while back Wizards of the Coast released some more options for the Warlock class.  The idea behind the Warlock class is that the character makes a pact with a powerful entity in exchange for magical abilities.  In the main books, the powerful entity is a demon, a powerful Fairy, or an alien being that would drive most men mad to even know it exists.  These things are powerful and mysterious.  They are not gods, but certainly so powerful that meeting one is considered a legendary story in its own right.

            One of the newer options is that of the undead or “undying” pact.  The idea being that you could make a deal with a powerful lich or vampire to gain tremendous power.  In theory, this kind of works.  It draws to mind the scene in “Dracula: Untold” where Luke Evans makes a deal with Charles Dance to get vampire powers.  I gave a scathing review to that movie a long while back, and if you haven’t seen it, don’t bother.

            Thing is, in DnD powerful vampires, liches, and mummies are a little more common than they are in most other forms of horror-fantasy.  Removing a lot of the mystique such a bargain would have to it.  The deals feel less like meeting a powerful entity and more like making a deal with a powerful political ruler, akin to a king.  Not insubstantial, but something that would happen in some capacity to most adventurers.

            The book offers some suggestions, Vecna (my favorite bad guy), Iuz an undead demi-god; the Lich Queen Vol from Eberron; the Undying Court; Vlaakith who is the Lich Queen of the Githyanki; or Fistandantalus (I am morally opposed to ever spelling that name again or trying to learn anything about that character).

            Here is where my complaint starts to come in.  The suggestions are either Gods (in which case, be a Cleric, the class that deals with gods) or dudes/duddettes.  Let’s ignore the gods, they are out of flavor (“get back over with the Clerics!”).  Let’s instead focus on the guys like the Undying Court and Vlaakith.

            These are powerful beings in their worlds.  Some rule nations, some rule cities floating in other dimensions, some are centuries old.  They’re all tough.  But, they are people you can just talk to, and who talk to other people.  They’re dudes that put-on pants and read the newspaper.  Compare that to Satan, C’thulhu, or the Fey embodiment of Winter and the undead-dudes (un-dudes) just seem…. mundane.

            There has to be something that is more powerful and unknowable than a typical undead, but not actually a god in the typical DnD sense.

            I MADE SOME UP.

            I drew on references from real world legends (like you do when world building) and tried to make an undead lord for each of the most iconic undead monsters: Ghost, Vampire, Mummy, Zombie/Skeleton, Lich, Death Knight, and Miscellaneous (the most terrifying of catchalls).

            Fun thing, I took so long to post this, I am certain my Death Knight patron, Shaitan shares its inspiration, Stormbringer (which I talked a little about here) with the basis for the new Hexblade Warlock they introduced in “Xanathar’s Guide to Everything”.  Though, I don’t think they use the name “Stormbringer” (I mean, Michael Moorcock ain’t dead yet, and I am sure there is some copyright attorney looking for a vein to tap).

            Without further prattle, here are my undead patrons.

            (I started with the one I think is the silliest.  Bear with me.)

Undead Patrons

There is darkness.

Within that darkness there are monsters.

Some of those monsters would be seen as like unto gods.

They make deals.

            Davy Jones is the coldest sea, the current which pulls swimmer from shore and breath from lung, he takes those souls who cannot move on and makes them his servants, caught in the whirlpool that is undeath.  Jones is the cold that numbs the mind.

 

Were you perhaps expecting a different deal making Davy Jones in popular culture?

            The Midnight Sun is the anti-light, the progenitor of all vampires, the progenitor of the Shadow Fell, and all spilled blood pours toward his great will.  He is the thirst which drives all to madness.

 

It's a pun.  Also, I have never seen this movie.

            Imhotep is the endless sand, the beating sun, and the husk of dried flesh that was once living.  Far from water, far from shade, in the endless wandering of a death unending, preserved and kept for the world after life.  Imhotep is the fear of what is after that keeps the dead walking.

 

I will admit he is more intimidating as a 700 foot tall sand storm with a face.

            The Mass Grave is the deepest pit, the sum of all worm-eaten flesh and bone ground to dust, the cold space beneath even the darkest of the Underdark, and all those mindless evils hear his whispers of, “Rise”.  It is the hunger which drives all to desperation.

 

None of the internet pictures for this term are spooky in a fun way.  They are just terribly sad.  Feel free to change the name.

            The Red Hand is the ever scribing, the keeper of secrets, the pen that writes the words of uncreation.  She is the painful truth, the bared soul, the tormenting conscience, the evidence that removes all doubt of guilt.  She is the knowledge that gnaws at the spirit.

            Shaitan is the black sword, skin breaker, soul taker, rune covered, strength bestower, and securer of legacies.  It is the weapon that kills its holder by inches, taking each with life slain.  Shaitan is the rage that drives the good to do wicked.

 

Ironically this is a design for the "Sword of Kas".

            Charon is the taker of passengers, ferryman of the River Styx, navigator of forgotten lives and lost passions.  He is the hand that takes yours into the afterlife, he is the memory that fades into dream, he is the apathy that causes all to fade.

 

There are about 10,000 images like this.  This one was pretty good.

One More Thing

            There is another new Warlock path in the previously mentioned “Xanathar’s Guide to Everything” that I think is so totally out of place that I want to complain about it too.  But, I don’t just want to complain about it, I want to denounce it.  I think most people who have seen the option know what I am talking about.  I’ll get to it.

            As is, I hope these things were cool enough for consideration in your own game.  If you have your own ideas, post a link in the comments.

            Have Fun.

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Dungeons and Dragons, "Legions of the Undead"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 19- Favorite Undead

            There are 10,000 monsters in this gods damned game.  Today is Undead, my favorite type of monster.  Look to my blog about Vecna (and undead god) for a little more, but generally it can be summed up with, “Undead encapsulate a good metaphor for Dungeons and Dragons.  Exploring the ruins of the old world, plumbing for their secrets, and facing the horrible monsters they left behind”.

            Let’s go.

#7 Morhg/Ghoul

            I think these two are closer to one another than their appearances might lead you to believe.  One is a skeleton that has purple flesh running thru it and causes paralysis with its tongue.  The other is a gaunt purple skinned creature that causes paralysis with its claws.  They have the same sort of role in a combat encounter, stop the movement of characters with weak Constitutions.

            I’ve never used these guys for anything but goons, they are not exactly thinker types and I would say that they are probably not the first choice on the Necromancer’s “To-Make” list.  They are a good monster to sprinkle into an encounter to make things more dangerous, but not more dynamic, they literally slow things down.

#6 Bone Claw

            These guys look so cool, and their use of the reach rules makes them strong encounters in any situation in which closing ground is difficult, a narrow bridge, an elevated area, that sort of thing.

            I haven’t used these to great effect, but have had them used to great effect against me back when they first came out in 3^rd edition.

#5: Devourer

            Another awesome looking monster with a cool concept.  They slowly burn a trapped soul within their chest to grant them power.  I can’t even think of a way to make that better.  4^th edition did by providing 3 types which took the concept and cranked up the extremeness of it.  Kudos to 4^th edition.

#4: Vampire

            Quintessential bad guys of literature and screen.  They have been translated everywhere and are almost always great.  They are kind of the best monsters in fiction for all that has and can be done with them, but are not necessarily the best in Dungeons and Dragons.

            I actually think these guys were interpreted too faithfully in 3^rd edition.  The number of weaknesses and abilities got to be cumbersome, so much so that I just never bothered.

            Even the best movies and books about Vampires tend to leave some of the mythology at the door so that they do not have to comment on running water; holy water; holy symbols; sunlight; silver; garlic; OCD; blood of virgins; the ability to talk to wolves, bats, insects; the ability to shapeshift into creatures of the night; the ability to transform into monsters; the ability to turn into mist; the need for soil of their homeland; the need for a coffin; vulnerability to fire; vulnerability to falling in love with bland women who consider “clumsy” to be a personality trait; the need for torpor; blood potency; spellcasting ability; the nature of the soul; transformations of one’s face in order to feed; strength level; flight; drinking blood; hypnosis; rivalry with werewolves; and jiminy cricket this list could go on forever.

            I think that a “Make your own vampire” feature might have been cool.  Pick two weaknesses of varying strength, pick three abilities of various strength and get an approximate challenge rating for facing your players.

            Oops, thought of another one, Lack of Reflection.

#3: Wight

            I had a really good use for these guys in a 3^rd edition campaign in which a magical plague transformed hundreds of people into wights to be used as somewhat intelligent slave labor in the excavation of a section of underground city.

            When the players found the whole thing while looking for missing people, all of the wights had been left in holding pens and cages, they then began crying out for help in low moaning voices, “Save me,” “Save us,” “Where am I,” “Please help me,” and I do lots of voices so it was pretty creepy.  I managed to pull off some rather haunting images of pale clawed hands reaching out from between bars not to strike but to beg for mercy.

#2: Mummy

            Mummies, much like Rats from my entry on “Favorite Animals” have access to disease as a secondary rules benefit.  Beyond that, they have a lot of pop culture recognition, obvious exploitable weaknesses, and plenty of significance as a cultural marker in certain settings (Egyptian theme being the most obvious).

            Magic the Gathering just did an Egypt themed setting and the clever thing they did was take Zombies and Mummies, undead creatures associated with Black Magic, and making them more associated with the veneration and societal order of White Magic.  This is a subversion and I like it a great deal.  I think this sort of twist on what is expected can be applied to mummies in DnD and I think I will attempt something like it in the future.

            I have used Mummies before, in 3e and 4e, both times to good effect.  They make good slow moving goons that deal a lot of damage and leave an impact on play in the form of Mummy rot.  They are good monsters.

#1: Lich

            They are the best bad guys.  HARD STOP.

            I don’t know what else to add.  They are a threat up close, at range, they are capable of plans, their weaknesses are not debilitating but still exploitable.  They are the best bad guys.

            I already talked about the king of the liches, Vecna in my “Favorite Deity” entry.  They are the best.

A Special Mention: Zombies

            As I write this I have learned that George Romero died just this past Sunday.  If you don’t know, he invented the modern idea of what a zombie is with the movie “Night of the Living Dead”.  I would like to point out that do to a strange error when securing the Copyright, the movie entered the public domain almost immediately, meaning George made only a tiny fraction of the money he should have for all the times the movie has appeared or been shown.  The converse of that is the movie ended up appearing everywhere and on everything which led to it being so iconic and influential.

            The reason I want to point that out is it illustrates everything wrong with copyright law, the law does not protect creators, it protects people who know how to fill out paperwork.  It also shows how valuable and powerful the Public Domain is.  The ability for things in the public domain to be used by a wide audience allows those bits of media to quickly transcend what might have only been a cult status and change the way people look at fiction.

            I wish there had been a compromise on this.  That Romero had been able to make money off of his insanely influential movie, and the movie to be diffused into the public consciousness without needing a marketing machine like Disney or Warner Bros behind it.

            I wish more things, after having made back a healthy profit, could be released to the public domain so as to be seen as part of media culture.  So as to benefit the creators and the creative community.  Kind of like how Dungeons and Dragons provides rules and materials to help people be more creative, but at the same time is a brand that sells books and materials.  It is a business, but it is a business that serves as a powerful tool to educate people about their own creativity.

            George Romero leaves behind a potent legacy.  He was vastly more influential than I think he ever pictured himself being and added to the world.  The world is a better and more interesting place for him having been in it.  We should all be so lucky to live as long and be as positive an influence as George was.

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about my least favorite monster.

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Movies 2013, Fantasy, pt2

Fantasy

            These are the more "action" oriented fantasy films outside of "The Hobbit" franchise.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, or "Fuck.  Witches am I right?  Fuck."

Overall: 7/10

This movie apparently made about 4 times its budget, a lot more than I thought, so here is hoping for a bigger sequel.

            If you liked "Army of Darkness" you will like this.  "H&G" has a lot of fun gore, make up effects, goofy over the top fight scenes, and is exactly what it was advertised to be.  The script ties together well, they set up and pay off on ideas that make perfect sense (like Hansel having diabetes that weakens him during a crucial point, or why spells don't work on them properly).

            My only real complaint is that Jeremy Renner is about 12 years older than the actress playing his sister, Gemma Arterton, when they are supposed to be around the same age.  It is odd to me that this sort of lopsided age casting is so common (like in "Oblivion"), and I guess it is a silly thing to notice and complain about, but if they had cast Charisma Carpenter for Gretel, or Zac Efron for Hansel then there would have been no difference in age to notice.

            I had no expectations at all and was blown away.  I would really like a sequel set in a more exotic location.  Maybe they could have them fight a genie or a some kind of fey creature to mix it up.

Jack the Giant Slayer, or "Why was this not set up as the beginning of a franchise?"

Overall: 7/10

The movie has a great sense of scale and a lot of cute little visual cues to signal to the audience that the situation is getting out of control.  A good example as to why Bryan Singer is a really good director.

            Great costumes, great monsters, cool looking sky world, classic simple protagonists, and a nice little ending.  I liked it a lot and recommend seeing it.  The only issue I have is that they kind of killed all chance at a sequel.

            Spoiler time discussion: the end of the movie has a flash forward to show the magical artifact that defeats the giants is now part of the royal jewels in the Tower of London, rather than this being an alternate Earth with a lot of the same kingdoms and look, but being magical and distinct.  So they have kind of tied it off.  There will be no, "Jack and the Magic Carpet" or "Jack and the Singing Sword".  It is just over with.

            There is one other thing, there is a point in the movie in which it could end, the heroes have escaped the land of the giants, the main villain is defeated, and the giants are stranded... you could have wrapped the movie, and gone on to one of the many potential sequels I just suggested, but the movie continues and it is sort of unnecessary, there is a cool big battle that is a lot of fun, even if it probably shouldn't have happened.

RIPD: Rest in Peace Department, or "Ryan Reynolds is pretty good when he is playing the reserved straight man rather than the boisterous clown... Who knew?"

Overall: 5/10

If the script had gotten another pass (or one fewer) then this would have worked a bit better.

            A lot of the appeal of this movie comes from a very cynical wit, good special effects, quirky acting, and some cool action.  I like the look of policeman purgatory, I like how the number of people living and dead all over the world is overwhelming the celestial inbox of "shit to sort out".  When it gets going the movie really is fun... But it often hits bad notes.

            There are a lot of problems, like the idea that monstrous undead are all over the place and none of it shows up on the news with any regularity when it should be.  They don't have a memory erasing device, or some elaborate media conspiracy which would allow what they do to stay under the radar.  There are scenes that seem to be from a much earlier draft of the script with needless trust issues and horseshit thrown into it for no reason.  There is way too much CGI, way too god damn much CGI.  Why not just more practical effects like "Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters", this movie has a lot of tone and over the top violence in common with that movie, in fact it would have worked better with an R rating, emphasizing the undead monsters exploding into bloody chunks rather than vapor.

            So yeah, it is alright.  Lacks a bit of an edge that would have made it work better, a little clunky, not as bad as people are saying.  It is "watchable".