Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Leach Center Spa FSU

            The Leach Center is one of a half dozen places I bother to be on campus.  Bellamy and HCB teach me things, the Student Union allows me to get food (when I'm desperate enough to buy a $4 slice of Papa John's rather than just eating one of the various squirrels that race around the campus), the SLC is where I watch movies (in a room filled with shit heads who ruin the mood), the Library is where I all-night at the last minute an assignment that decides my GPA to a startling level.  But Leach is where I go to exercise, hoping to get fit, maybe inspire lustful glances from beautiful women.

What? I like women who prioritize a good health regimen.

            Here is my random complaint: the spa needs work.

            There are two hot tubs, two steam rooms, and one sauna, all of them have problems, not the least of which being I think they pose the threat of giving me meningitis some day when they have not been cleaned properly enough.

They got rid of a lot of equipment and put in a lot of stuff that sucks to use, so now all the good stuff is constantly taken.  Good luck.
            Sauna, honestly this is the least problematic of the three, sure the wooden frame used screws rather than wooden pegs because the carpentry going into this was by lowest bidder and was not up to the standards of common sense.  See, metal... in a room that is 180 degrees... GETS FUCKING HOT!  You will be laying down, or leaning back and be suddenly scaled by the head of a screw.  What is more, metal expands when hot, wood expands too, but slower, which causes the screws to stretch the holes they were drilled into, making the whole thing rickety as the screws loosen the frame's hold on them, and the boards that make it up.  So, rickety, pinchy, and occasionally branding.

            Now the Steam Rooms.  Or, at present, Steam Room, as one of them has not been in service for a couple weeks.  Which one is out of service?  The good one.  What makes it good?  The door shuts on its own.  Yes the one that is currently in operation has a door that doesn't close until the fourth or fifth try, because they don't put a handle on the inside so you just pull it shut behind you.  this means you are walking into a Steam Room that slowly turns into "Room", a wet room mind you, but devoid of steam.  The place is also filthy from the constant use, people wear shoes in there in spite of the rules and track in dirt, which turns to mud.  Mud you can see, because all the steam has left the room.

            Now the cesspools-- Hot Tubs.  Let me say this, if you turn on the bubbles, and the surface gets covered not only in bubbles, but bubbles that have a rainbow-on-an-oil-slick color to them, and have density enough to hold small coins out of the water... THEN YOU NEED TO CLEAN THE WATER!  More chlorine is not enough, it's not just germs in there, it is enough dead skin and skin oil to make a slick.  That is disgusting.  And why, did the life guard just turn on the bubbles?  There are two tubs, I chose to sit in the one that had no bubbles going, and they turn on the jets without being asked; if I wanted jets I would have sat in the other one with the insanely old Asian guy.  Here is an idea, why not just put a timer next to each tub that controls the jets, or a switch; like every other gym in the universe so the life guards, who should be guarding lives (lives of college students who chose to swim recreationally and need a life guard like I need a sippy lid for my Sprite, but whatever).

They don't even have Tiki bar.  I need something brightly colored and full of alcohol.  Also, the phrase "Filthy Hot Tub" in Google Image gives back a lot of pornography.  Like, a lot.
             Then there is also the company, for every gorgeous woman doing yoga stretches in a bikini or shorts so short that they would allow a Med student a quick review for a gynecological exam, there are 200 frat guys who mostly just want to say the word "Bro" or "Braa" every second they are there while inferring to incidents of date rape; not to say all the women are great, if I hear one more hollow headed "Like" or "You Know" escape the lips of a sorority girl I think I will have to beat their head to a steaming splatter of gore on the hot coal machine in the sauna.

MORE LIKE THESE, PLEASE.  So long as they have something to talk about.

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