Dungeons and Dragons, "My Favorite Aberrations"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 12- My Favorite Aberration

            There are 10,000 monsters in this gods damned game.  Expect several top 5 lists this week as there are not too many specific “favorites” more like “preferred”.  Today is Aberrations, because they wanted a word that meant “alien” but didn’t want to invoke science fiction tropes… till Spelljammer showed up and they decided to still not use the word “alien”.  That’s fine, baby steps.

            Let’s go.

 

This is a Neogi.
There is literally not one physical feature on this thing that elicits sympathy.
You may not know the first thing about it, but you want it dead.  And you are right.

#5: Neogi

            These things are a mix of snakes, and spiders, travel the stars in spider shaped spaceships, and have an entire culture base around slavery and being assholes.  This pick has more to do with my love of Spelljammer than anything else, the Neogi are in there and serve as the, “You don’t have to worry about the morality of killing these guys, they are jerks on a demonstrable level, they enslave people as a special ability.”

            I have a bad habit of making my bad guys a little too sympathetic and when I am provided an entire society that can’t be made sympathetic I almost feel grateful.  I can run some adventures without the risk of making the players feel conflicted.  Just be happy killing the creepy spider-snakes.

This is an Umberhulk.
There is often nothing providing scale.
This thing is about 9+ ft tall.

#4: Umberhulk

            They are beetle-gorillas with hypno-eyes.  Hulking bruisers that serve as the muscle minions of the guys who do the actual thinking.  I had one really good encounter which featured one of these at the center, along with an Honorable Mention aberration, a Choker (which has stretchy tentacle arms).  The encounter consisted of an Umberhulk tearing up the core of the field while the little stretchy guy chased one of the less muscular characters around the massive melee that filled in the rest.

            I think the hypno-eyes add a much-needed curveball to what would otherwise be a middling fight.  There are lots of monsters in the range of CR4-CR10 that are just big balls of hit points with very little in the way of clever or cute abilities.  The Umberhulk is a fun exception to that.

 

This is a Choker.
They are creepy.
But only creepy enough for an honorable mention.

This is a Grell.
Shown in profile, doing absolutely nothing.
Mouth agape as if to say, "Me!?"

#3: Grell

            This one is more about looks.  It is a massive brain with tentacles and a beak.  It is so delightfully fucked up looking.  Beyond that they had one of the more interesting chapters of “Lords of Madness” the aberrations supplement for 3^rd edition that I found to be so engaging that I read all the story text.  The art for these guys was Lovecraftian even by the standards of a book about Lovecraftian monsters.

            This is another one that had a super memorable encounter in a game, as it was revealed that the Emperor of an island based seafaring despot nation had been replaced with a holographic projection and a Grell was responsible.

            What is more, that Grell had escaped from an eons old prison of monsters hidden in the volcanic mountainside of the despot nation's capital.  The Grell was using the mage-tech that had imprisoned it to create an army of minions from the surrounding servitor nations so that when it let the other prisoners out it would still have enough clout to run things, and then… TAKE OVER THE WORLD!  The players hacked it up, and then blew up the facility, one of the characters sacrificing their life to do so.  Kind of an epic end to it all.

 

These are Mindflayers.
"Quick!  Everyone!  Strike a Pose!"

#2: Mindflayer

            In my mind, there are really only two Aberrations that anyone would claim as their favorite.  Of those two I rank the Mindflayer second place.  They are purple skinned squid headed mages that eat brains.  They are ruled by giant godlike alien brains, use giant tadpoles stuck into the brains of living humans that transforms as a means of reproducing, and have “look into ways of destroying the sun” as one of their long-term goals.  The Mindflayers are awesome… But shockingly inefficient.

            They are unable to eat the brains of non-sentient races.  So, in order to have enough of a food supply to keep even a handful of them going they require a comical number of victims.  This is all the issues of being a vampire amplified.  Kind of comical.

            That being said the Mindflayers are smart, mysterious, have goals on both an individual level and as a society, and are one of the better spellcaster-type monsters using mental blasts and some actual magic to tie down the good guys so that they can eat their brains.  I have used one as a recurring antagonist before and will again.  The joke being that his name is inaudible, instead he uses a blast of several telepathic concepts, like banjo music, the color green, and the smell of tacos.  The spoken name he allows himself to be called is Darq.

 

This is a Beholder.
This is also the cover of the 5th edition Monster Manual.
You know, one of the core 3 books of the whole game.

#1: Beholder

            The Beholder is a giant floating head covered in eyestalks and teeth.  Each of its 11eyes has a different effect and as such they are able to create all kinds of havoc in a given game.  They even have the added benefit of using facing for their rules.  Typical monsters in Dungeons and Dragons are treated as being able to act in all directions equally, but the main eye of a beholder cancels magic where it looks creating a massive change in tactics for the party.  It is interesting even by the standards of the rules.

            I have used a beholder before, but it was underwhelming.  I didn’t do enough to make the encounter unique and he was fighting a party that was so well prepped for the encounter he was almost turned to stone by his own refracted eye laser.

            Generally speaking, after DRAGONS the Beholder is the most iconic monster in Dungeons and Dragons.  It is immediately awesome looking and terrifying.  The more you learn about their bizarre alien genesis, birthed from an entire plane of the Abyss by some massive creature that is the plane, and filled with screaming hatred for all things that are not them, even seeing other beholders as twisted heretics/monsters.  It is so weird.  And so cool.

Obvious Omission: Abeloths

            These guys got a bum rap.  The first time I saw one it was in the Dungeons and Dragons 3^rd edition monster manual and the art was underwhelming.  It was a green fish looking thing.  I was not impressed. 

This is a lame fish thing.

            I have talked briefly about this before, that the art in 5^th edition does a lot to make them look monstrous and interesting, but I have not used them in a game and even now feel obligated to rectify that, but not eager to.  And whenever you feel like you are doing something because, “I guess I should give it a try” it saps some of the fun out.

At the very least, this thing has intimidating teeth.

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about animals and vermin.  Basically, tomorrow is covering the boring type of monsters.

______________________________

            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Dungeons and Dragons, "My Favorite NPC"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 11- Favorite NPC

            Well, right off the bat I am kind of in a corner.  I don’t use published campaigns so the Raistlin, Elminster, or Mordenkainen debate is right out.  Same with Strahd, and I already talked about Vecna. 

I am not 100% sure who each of these guys are.
But this image is so cool I hope the random number generator makes it the thumbnail.

            So, I guess this is another opportunity for me to talk about one of my favorite NPC’s Count Malachite of Hasenburg.

            When my players met Count Malachite, he was a 70-year-old man.  He was infected with some horrible mummy rot and dying in a cave surrounded by the knights in his service.  The players were able to cure him of his affliction and took him back to his palace in Hasenburg, home of the Hasenburg Steak sauce.  He knew he was too old to be out adventuring but he had to show some of his younger knights some tricks of his trade and introduce them to some old friends.  He thanked the players for his life and offered them a reward and future work.

            Malachite again met the players when they came to visit his city and helped free it from siege by gnolls.  No joke, the party’s druid, Talon Greyfeather (whom I mentioned in “My Favorite Group of Players” entry) came up with two really smart uses of spells to fire bomb the gnoll siege weapons and then illuminate the night attacks to totally change the challenge.  They won soundly.

            The Count honored the party as treasured friends and he gave them a Rod of Wonder, an item from his adventuring days that he had named his company for.  So, the PC’s became, “The Wonderful” to help carry on his legacy of heroism.

 

Something like this.
I guess.

            Malachite kept showing up in other NPC’s stories of important events.  He had helped Father and Baba stop the Chaos Sorcerer.  He taught Mayor Wilhelm everything that guy knows about politicking.  Malachite is the reason the 6 Fingers criminal organization never got a foothold outside Freeport.  Malachite had run away from home to be an adventurer when he was a teenager, thru pluck and wit he had managed to become somebody who did a lot of good in the world.

            The Count was a legend.  The hero of the land in some other era and was now just living as an administrator to his home town and raising his two granddaughters (his’ son’s children, the girls’ parents had died in a plague).  He was one of 3 “Past their Prime” heroes that appeared in the campaign because I felt it important to illustrate that the players were part of a legacy.

            The last adventure at Malachite’s request was for the PC’s to retrieve the Count’s estranged half-elf daughter.  She had gone into exile to avoid being forced into an arranged marriage and he hadn’t seen her in more than a decade.  He was calling her home to take over as Countess of Hasenburg, home of the Hasenburg steak sauce, because he had cancer and was fading fast.  The players managed to get her back for the tearful goodbye and Count Malachite died.  He left a letter to the PC’s in his will and a warning about dark visions he had been dreaming, and lost memories from his youth that were returning at the closing of his life, it helped them down the line.

            His death was sad.

            Malachite’s presence was still felt, the Rod of Wonder was a plot fulcrum later in the campaign, allowing the players to gain more allies, push the plot forward, and defeat their first major adversary.  At the conclusion of the whole campaign, Malachite’s ghost, appearing as a young man dressed in his Landsknecht garb, appeared to the PC’s to tell them he had been pulling for them and was proud they had managed to save the day.  Another of the 3 “Past their Prime Heroes” was there in ghost form too, a Master martial artist who mentored the party’s monk.  If I had been smart I would have had the third elderly NPC mentor figure pass on to form a good triumvirate of ghosts telling the PCs, “Atta ‘boy”.

 

Derivative?  Yes.
Do I care? Yes, because that is exactly what I was trying to invoke.

Hasenburg, Home of the Hasenburg Steak Sauce

            I based the city on a mashed-up bunch of ideas, a wild west town with a river instead of a train, a reductionist idea of what a German Free city state would have looked like after the Holy Roman Empire started splintering, and other counties and regional powers found during the renaissance.

            The idea of mixing up cowboys and city states was found with the idea of the Landsknechts.  They were soldiers for hire that were known for their flashy dress and being one of the first military groups in Europe known for using firearms.  Why that gelled with the image of them leading cows to market in my mind is perhaps more evidence of my deeper untreated insanity, but there you go.

 

This would also work as a thumbnail.
(Link to cool gallery).

“My Favorite Player Character” and “My Favorite NPC”

            Malachite is the ultimate evolution of the idea that I talked about with “My Favorite Player Character”.  What started as a dastardly pirate, turned into a conman bard in deep with forces he didn’t really grasp, and ultimately, we arrive at what the idea of the fast-talking charismatic hero turns back on.

            Malachite is a retired hero, returned to his homeland a changed man, taking on the mantle of responsibility that he wasn’t ready for or was scared of in his youth.  He became tempered by valor, tension, and witnessing the suffering of the common people.  He grew.  He went on the hero’s journey and came back to be the person he never managed to be under the guiding hand of his parents.

            Not to plug my mediocre fiction writing chops, but I actually started writing a series of stories about Malachite’s younger self on this blog.  I figured I would throw out a chapter whenever I got the hankering to.  Then I started plotting out a longer story, and then I just stopped.  12 entries in and with 1 more that only needs editing and I stopped cold.  Maybe I was comfortable enough just playing the character sometimes in DnD.  Maybe I am just too lazy to write fiction.

            Feel free to read them and tell me what you think.  Or not.

            Here are links to “Roads of Bone”.

            Part 1

            Part 2

            Part 3

            Part 4

            Part 5

            Part 6

            Part 7

            Part 8

            Part 9

            Part 10

            Part 11

            Part 12

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to start a mini-series in the blog challenge, talking about of “Favorite Monsters” starting with Aberrations.

Another instance from history that evokes a similar feel to what I was going for.

______________________________

            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Dungeons and Dragons, "Some Ideas for Player Characters"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 10- Ideas for Future Characters

            About 2 months ago, I joined a group at my local (25 miles away) game shop.  It was the first time I was to play 5^th edition and I wanted to try out a variety of different characters (like you do) and so I stuck together ideas as they came.  Coupling what I figured would be non-traditional pairings seemed a good place to start.  Here are the 4 I came up with.  Ultimately, I decided on the Wizard.

            If you would like to share some of your own unused character ideas, do so in the comments, maybe use this format (maybe get it to catch on, I like its simplicity) and try and keep to a shorter length, you don’t want people to “tldr” your stuff.

Name: Raymond Kline

Class: Fighter (Arcane)

Race: Human

Background: Sage

History: I am good at two things, studying and fencing.  I have been working on ways to couple them, but I am hardly the strongest spellcaster.  At current I am working as a guard for the college I have been studying at since I was 12.  My parents live nearby and sell the school cabbages from time to time; they are very proud of me.

Goals: I need field experience as part of getting my degree, while strict academia is good enough to get a job as a court wizard I am not good enough at magic for that, and I want to be an officer in any military I might serve in, for a commission I need mercenary work.

  

Name: Mr. Sugar

Class: Monk

Race: Human

Background: Charlatan

History: In a kinky little alley in crooked little town there is a shifty looking building full of dastardly young fools.  I grew up in the apartment across the street from that place, we lived above a kung fu dojo called “Way of the Backhand” or maybe it was the “Way of the Hand” and I just always went in thru the back entrance and the sign was poorly put together?  Whichever.

I studded there, I studied the way to punch and stab people in the flashiest ways possible, and when I wasn’t doing that I would sneak into the shifty looking building and peep in on the pole dancers.

Goals: I prefer to play things fast and loose.  Or close to the chest.  Taken it day by day.  And, other clichés that people use to make it sound like they are being cryptic when in reality they have no idea what they are doing with their life and are hanging by the tips of their fingers over a void of directionless chaos that has been trying to swallow them whole their entire life.

I think I might have over shared just then.  Try not to hold that against me.

This was apparently art for a DnD book that didn't get picked up.

Name: Malcolm Fieldwalker

Class: Ranger

Race: Half-Elf

Background: Noble

History: My father is Count Malachite of the small city state, Hasenburg.  He met my mother, Moonlight a revered healer and ranger when she pulled his near dead body out of a haunted castle and breathed him back to life.

When I turned 20 a dread emperor came knocking at the Hasenburg city gate and told my father that I was to get married to the emperor’s niece, it was all part of some elaborate scheme to get a political foothold with my mother’s people.  My dad decided my mom and I should run, he was executed and the emperor sacked my hometown.

Goals: I’m now all grown up and I am going to use the political savvy my father taught me when I was a kid, and all the archery my mom taught me when I was an angry adolescent, to bring down the guy who killed my old man.  It actually shouldn’t be too hard; I think he is in his 60’s now.  Fuck’em.

  

MY wizard was not this ripped.  But I don't think Kev Walker has ever drawn a wizard that wasn't ripped.
That is fine, he's got a cool style.

Name: Mercer

Class: Wizard (Transmutation)

Race: Human

Background: Hermit

History: My mother was murdered by a highwayman when I was younger.  All he stole was a box of copper coins we had under a bed.  Ever had to bury your own mother with the shovel you had to pull free from her skull?  It is traumatizing to say the least.  I suppose most scholarly inclined people would be more apt to go into necromancy from such an experience, trying in vain to pull back the life of the loved one they lost.  I suppose I am many degrees stranger than that.

Goals: I am curious about the nature of value.  Our world is full of things.  Knick knacks, bric-a-brac, and keepsakes that all have some degree of value to various people at different rates.  I know my mother was worth more than a box of coins, but to the person who murdered her she wasn’t worth stealing the shovel too.  I want to find out what worth means, and find something that is worth more than anything else.

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about my favorite NPC.

            Favorite NPC that isn’t a god anyway, I already talked about Vecna’s whole deal.

______________________________

            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Dungeons and Dragons, "My Worst Player Character"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 9- PC I have Sworn off Playing

            LOUD CATCHPHRASE!

            This was a brief period in my life in which I sought to test out being more boisterous.  This is a factoid which leaves those of you who actually know me in real life saying something akin to, “You were never quiet.  You are the loudest person I have ever met in my life.  What the fuck are you on about?”

Thank you for your support Mister Brian Blessed.  It is appreciated.

            It is true.  I am a loud person.  I sneeze loud, I talk loud, I laugh loud.  I think there might be some kind of regulator switch busted somewhere in my brain.  I am loud.

            So, when I decide to play the kill crazy berserker character who yells a battle cry…

            THE JOKE GROWS OLD QUICKLY.

            The character’s name is lost to the ages, 7+ years ago, I was playing a Dragonborn Sorcerer whose characterization could be summed up with the word, “BURN” said in all capitals.  Often underlined and with multiple exclamations points.  Sometimes it was bolded.

            It was funny, to me, for a very short period of time.  I guess the idea was to unwind the character down.  Make him into more of a level-headed team player as the constant yelling and rage was revealed to just be some kind of veneer.  That didn’t happen.  I liked the mechanics of being a Sorcerer in 4e and had just played a DM juggling multiple characters so I didn’t have any hankering to play a nuanced or interesting person, just someone who had fun blowing stuff up.

            Thing is, I just don’t find that at all fun for any length of time.

            I like the talking and ultimately did not get as much fun out of playing something so far outside my comfort zone.

            I guess the lesson is to play to your own strengths, maybe stretch your boundaries every once in awhile, but not in a way that makes things shallower.  I tried to stretch by playing something dumber, blunter, and louder.  I have no idea why I thought that would work for me.  A departure for me would be playing deceitful, malevolent, and slothful (which would have been a problem in other ways, but certainly more interesting than loud and dumb).

            Not a great deal of complex insight in this entry.  Let’s do a follow up on one of last week’s entries to pad this out, I wouldn’t, but yesterday’s entry was short too, so let’s do something more.

Follow-up: “My Favorite Setting”

            I belong to a facebook group that focuses on roleplaying games, it has thousands of members.  I decided to ask which Dungeons and Dragons setting from my blog last week was each person’s favorite.  I guess I should have specified that I wanted to know people’s preferences among published materials, as they immediately used the write in feature to add “Homemade” and blew the conceit of the survey.  My fault.

            Anyway, here are the results.

            First things first, I have significantly underestimated the popularity of the “Forgotten Realms”.  Like, holy shit.  More than a quarter of respondents gave that as the answer.  To put that in perspective, my preferred settings, the Imaginatives (Ravenloft, Dark Sun, Spelljammer, and Eberron) highlighted in blue are 4 whole percentage points behind.

            Ravenloft, the setting I complained the most about being absent from the multiverse discussion in the 5e Dungeon Master's Guide is a Dark Horse on this list coming in 3^rd?  That is unexpected.  And all the more reason Birthright was a bad pick for mentioning in the core book over it.  Again, Birthright was good for its Rules system, not the setting.

            The reason Mystara also has (Hollow World) next to it has to do with people not knowing that the Hollow World is inside Mystara.  I would have done something similar had regions like the Savage Coast or Maztica been mentioned, but they did not.

            Another thing I want to note is the poor performance of Greyhawk, which for 3^rd edition was the almost default setting and is actually pretty common in discussions of the game’s early years.  I think it suffers from being super generic, much like Birthright and Mystara.  If you are going to play a more typical setting for DnD that is published you are maybe going to start with Greyhawk, but then will move to the ones with deeper lore (hence the popularity of the Forgotten Realms, it in many ways is an upgrade on Greyhawk as far as depth of material is concerned).

            The obvious joke submission of Pizza is also there.  Take from that what you will.

 

Remember when they were playing DnD in the film "ET the Extra Terrestrial"

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about a smattering of character ideas inspired by my short time with Dungeons and Dragons 5e.

______________________________

            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Dungeons and Dragons, "My Favorite Group of Characters"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 8- Favorite Group of Characters

            This is one of those times in which I will go beyond the original framework of this 30-day challenge (spoilers: I already did that by reordering and retooling the original prompts).  Like I mentioned too many times before I am often the DM and beyond that I like players who work together and judge them on those criteria.  What is more, there is really no way to write this that won’t be slighting one group over another.

            But, here is the thing, I am also a part of this.  I can’t really award one group I have played with all the cookies because they got me at a different point in my life.  I was more mature, more level headed, or just had more time to write and think things out.  So, when I point to a group I had in 2014-2015 as the best experience, it had a lot to do with my ability to give them what they were looking for.  It is the single longest campaign I have ever run at 18 months which also had a mid-season finale and a series finale that were both super satisfying.  It was a good experience.

            The characters were a Kenku Druid named “Talon Greyfeather” or as I would make funny of him, “You basically named your character ‘Bird Bird’.”  An Oread Monk named Adrian, because he wanted him to be Adrian Monk (like from the USA show “Monk” which I guess is better than Bird-Bird).  And a Catfolk Ranger-Archer who had a normal goddamn name, which I have no complaints about.   

            Remember when I mentioned “Go weird or don’t bother not being human” a couple days ago?  They decided to go weird.  I had bought the Advanced Races Guide to go along with my 3.5 edition books and it allowed for some uneven but interesting elements to be brought in.  Typical for a 3^rd edition game, the rules were insanely detailed… To the point of it being hard to smoothly mix things in, even when they were supposed to be completely compatible.

            They managed to go thru numerous adventures that were totally my idea, let me know what kind of adventures they would like to go on, met 3 dozen different named NPC’s that they grew attached to on various levels, and made a name/place for themselves in the world they ventured in.  There were some people we gamed with along the way and some afterward that I think would have been great to have along on a more permanent basis, but circumstances kept them from showing regularly.  It is a shame, but that’s life.

            I am still friends with the players from this group and took the lessons I learned from their playing and have done my best to apply them to my modern attempts at the game.

            We should all try and learn to be better at what we do.

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about a character I will not play again.

______________________________

            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Dungeons and Dragons, "My Favorite Player Character"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 7- Favorite Character I’ve Played

            Really, this isn’t my favorite character.  I have played few, and over the course of years and years I only have so many of them documented.  Swaths of half thought out ideas, or guys I made up on the quick to play over a weekend have drifted in and out of my memory while I thought to write this.

            Kimble is the destitute confidence man.  A disgraced member of a noble house he managed to kiss that world’s version of the Blarney Stone and with his gift of gab he talked a powerful fey entity into giving him magical powers (how he got his Warlock and Bard abilities).  He was my best attempt to play a cad who would say that he went on adventures for money, but once he had the money would blow thru it on junk he neither needed or wanted just to have an excuse to go on an adventure for more.

            He liked being a “noble” crook who would ransom people, keep his word, and charm those he robbed into letting him get away with it.  All ultimately serving the goals of chaos that his magical patron had in mind, but still, it was fun.

            Kimble was sympathetic, he gave off the air that he was in over his head with the fey, that he disliked the people he had swindled along the way (or at least a few of them), and cheered on the friends he had lost along the way who had managed to bounce back, “Sure I left them with nothing but debt and a turnip farm in an economy overflowing with too many turnips, but now they own the largest plantation in the southern kingdoms… and they don’t give me any credit for all the help I gave them getting there.  I mean, I taught them all they know about getting investors.  It’s not nothing.”

            All of that being explained, that was not the original-original version of the character.  I wrote I short story in character about a villainous self-destructive dick who ultimately got consumed by the bad life he led.  I decided to make a nicer Dungeons and Dragons version of that guy, and that is how Kimble the Bard was born.  For the purposes of completion, I present below the original story that was the seed of Kimble, the Player Character I consider my most memorable.

            I do realize how egotistical it must sound to say I inspired myself.  Just forgive that part.

            (Note: I edited the hell out of this.  My writing style has matured a great deal over the last decade.  So, while this does still have the original cynicism, it is mildly more coherent than before.  Also, that is the original title in all its “Working Title” glory.)

He was also a Half-Elf.

The Germ of a Character: “Pirates Life for Me”

            Okay, so I’m an aristocrat that went into self-imposed exile because rather than marrying the first cousin my parents arranged for me to marry, the one I call The-Fat-One, I instead knocked up my other first cousin, who I call The-One-With-The-Tight-Ass.

            And sure, I did that on her wedding day.  She was going to get married to her cousin on the other side, so I still feel I am karmically neutral in that regard as it is all still in the family.   And yeah, when I left I didn’t leave a note, took her best friend and maid of honor with me, and whose name I can’t remember so I call her Red-Head, but that was to be expected.

            And sure, I stole some stuff on the way out, but those were mostly gifts for the wedding, so I didn’t steal from her, I stole from those who were going to give her something, and I only stole the thing they were giving away to her.  That’s legit, they lose something they were giving up, and she doesn’t get something that she was only getting because of a shame wedding.  Taking it was the ethical thing to do when you think about it.

            And I didn’t betray their trust too deeply, it’s not like I was with Red-Head long, I sold her.  Her and the gifts to a ship captain in exchange for a small boat, some lessons on knife fighting, and a bag of silver coins.

            Red-Head had it coming anyway, who runs off with someone from their best friend’s wedding and steals all the gifts to boot?  Besides, she had put on some weight, and it wasn’t even in her breasts.  I’m sure she had a good life after that.  How could she not?  Getting waited on by her very own pirate crew, I’m sure any rapes are very infrequent.

"I'm sure it all worked out"
(I cannot find the original source for this image, but here is where I got it.)

            But I had to move on to new adventures.  Sure, I jumped ship at a port without paying my crew, sold my boat to a guy just before my former first mate sunk the thing to spite me, and stabbed a street urchin when he tried to steal my silver.  But really, what was he going to use that money for?  Food?  Medicine?  Warm clothing?  I’ve got my own needs to worry about.  Little girl should have stepped off.

            Honestly, I wish you had all been there, to see what happened next.  It would have been nice to have someone to pin this all on when the authorities nabbed me for dereliction of payment.  They took my knives, silver, and left me in a cell for two weeks.  If you had been there you would have had the pleasure of meeting Captain Bush and his first mate Sebaceous Sid.

            It is funny how being broke and imprisoned makes things sound so much better.  Like how being horny makes women hear promises of love and adoration and think they are genuine.  Bush promised me money, he promised me fame, and more than anything else, he promised freedom.  I was really horny for freedom.

            Of course, Bush meant freedom from the prison, but at the cost of having to work for his crew.  He was a cog in a very big machine, a machine that had no safety features.  A machine whose turning cogs had pinched off the fingers of many idiots to come along before.  Bush was a snake, and Sid was ugly as ten miles of bad road on the way to Hell.  But, and I must reiterate this, I was horny for freedom.  So, I took his deal.  Became a pirate.  I took to the sea with the intent of making a living off the blood of merchants.

            At least that was the plan.  My first attempts at professional piracy mostly resulted in the stabbing of a fellow crewman when he caught me taking an extra share.  His fault really, he followed nagging me about how shares wouldn’t be given out until later and would be done in a fair way.  Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.

            That act got me tried by the rest of the crew, a kangaroo court if I had ever witnessed one, and they marooned me on a little spec of a paradise island that was to be all mine.  They stabbed me in the foot when they left.

            Island life is surprisingly not difficult.  Easy times spent lying about in the sun.  I actually questioned why anyone would find being left on a quaint little piece of nothing out in the middle of nowhere to be all that bad.  Then day two hit and I realized I deeply missed several novelties of civilized life.  The novelty of having places to steal from nearby for instance.  Or, the novelty of fresh water, that was an important realization too.

            Time passed a little awkwardly after I started drinking sea water, but I remember waking up tied to a spit surrounded by dark skinned people and getting oil flicked at me.  Well, that was bad, but when you are in that position, you know you are at rock bottom.  At that point, the only thing you can hope to look forward to, is anything.

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about my favorite characters of my fellow players.

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            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Dungeons and Dragons, "My Favorite Classes"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 6- Favorite Class

            I am going to go ahead and be that guy.  I like playing as Bards.  I like playing as Paladins.

            I mentioned yesterday how I prefer to run games rather than be a player, but when it is time to play a character I inevitably end up being the group’s talker/spokesman, so I tend to just lean into it.

            Playing a charismatic guy who likes to help other people either by entertaining them or by being an assuring presence fits my real-life personality (or at least the one I try to have) and the mechanics about boosting the rest of the group fit with my world view.

            I prefer not to “play to win” because I have a rather nasty competitive side to me, and would much prefer to “play for everyone to have a good time”.  I prefer to run games for a reason.

 

Maybe the next time I play I will multiclass this class combination.
Wasn't possible in 3e and I multiclassed Warlock in 4e (that is a story for tomorrow).
Now I am feeling creative.

Players Who Won’t Take a Hint

            My attitude on this comes from some negative things I have witnessed from the other side of things and my general desire to help the GG out.  When you are a player, it helps the person running the game if you are two things,

1)     A team player willing to put the needs of the group ahead of the needs of their own (not a doormat, just someone who is willing to share the spotlight).

2)     Desiring to go on adventures, even if those adventures are not all about them (see “team player” above).

"Guys?  Anybody want to smile for the group photo?  No?  Nobody?  Okay..."

            You would be surprised how much help it is to the GG if you just make a character that isn’t a loner douchebag or someone whose dislikes following story queues.  I have had issues in the past where I feed people adventure hooks tailored to them and their response is to blow them off.

            Here is an example of the issue, “The leadership of your knightly order has made a pact with Mindflayers for power and have asked you to follow along with their plan; you can chose to join up with them obeying your oath to them but most certainly betraying the spirit of the Oath by dooming the common people to be food; you can challenge the leadership which will likely cause a civil war in the knight ranks, but will certainly keep the Mindflayers from helping them out too much or getting a foothold in the area; or you can try to play politics and gather support and resources first which means the leadership will have more Mindflayer provided assistance down the line but you will face them with all the help of your fellow knights.”

            He responded with, “I don’t care.” *shrug*

            “What?”

            “Yeah,” he replied.  “I took an oath to a regent that supersedes that oath and am too busy doing what I think my new regent would want to bother with all that.”

            Never mind the fact that the regent in question was a joke (literally she was a pampered princess who gave no shits about his oath or what he was doing and he knew this), and any sane person would not want an order of knights to be taken over by aberrations bent on enslaving the land.  He just didn’t want to bother.

"To serve the liege lord in valor and faith."
"To protect the weak and defenseless."
"To obey those placed in authority."
"To fight for the welfare of all."
Parts of the 'Code of Chivalry' from the "The Song of Roland"

            Why play a knight whose whole thing is about swearing oaths and following a code and then not?  Hey guys, if you want to play a lawful character, you have to still think.  I don’t think I was being railroading either, it is not like the option to be Evil wasn’t there, he had plenty of freedom to work within the bounds of a big quest line.  *shrug* I even gave him bad guys and reasons to hate them.  *shrug*

Resolving Some Issues

            It is experiences like that one which inspire me to say, “I’m gonna do my best to go with it”.  Farming is a noble profession and you are likely to live a long happy life with many children by doing it, but this is a game about fighting monsters.  When I play, I try to be the type of person who likes to help their group, likes to help NPC allies, wants to go on adventures either for the enjoyment of said adventure or to help other people, and I will TAKE A HINT ABOUT WHAT STORY THE GG HAS PUT SOME WORK INTO.

            It might be the GG’s job to provide adventures the players like to play, but it is also the job of the players to participate and roll/role with things.  Sure, the GG should try and understand the tone of the game the players want and explain the stories he is comfortable telling (if the players want high fantasy but the DM was thinking political intrigue there is going to be problems), but everyone there is trying to have a good time playing a game.

            You gotta play the game!

 

Also, this relates to nothing, but wat "Stranger Things" on Netflix.
I suspect it is going to help rejuvenate the hobby of RPG's and it is really good.
The second season is coming soon.

            I have in the past tried to give surveys to players to ask them about the type of game they want to play, but the often didn’t understand the nature of the question, “I don’t know, I guess I am down for whatever.”  But then they just don’t take bait, they don’t consider things, they don’t even do the hack and slash thing.  They negotiate every point and seem to resent the idea of going on adventures at all.

            Guys, this is DnD.  Go on adventures!

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about the character I most enjoyed playing.

            He’s a Bard.

            There will be less ranting.  Also, share your feelings in the comments, I do like to read them.  It also helps pull traffic to my blog from other sources, one of these days I would like to make actual money off of this hobby of "writing to keep my skills up while looking for work".

            Have Fun.

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            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.