Nerds/Geeks and Toxic Relationships

            This is a set of snippets I took from some random nerd based group on Facebook that relate to the above image.  I am highlighted in orange; the 4 grey responses are 4 different people who didn’t like that I wasn’t biting on the joke.

            I would like to reemphasize that I don’t think the nerd/geek community is particularly healthy when it comes to discussions of relationships and gender equality.  Just the fact that the original post has a “she” instead of a “they” and uses the term “bro” illustrates that there is some kind of nerd-exclusivity happening here.

            I read on twitter and certain corners of the internet about harassment in nerd/geek communities related to women (especially cosplayers) who have to somehow prove that they know something about nerd culture to not be treated like shit and called “whore”.  This is bad behavior and should not be tolerated or encouraged.

            I have talked about this (kind of) before, with the idea that I leaned hard into my little eccentricities because I had been taught by media that I was the main character of my own story and just had to wait for the narrative to catch up to me and push me along.  I just needed to wear a distinctive hat and one day I would be the hero in some story I was not yet aware of.

            This is obviously not the case.

            I get the impression, I have not done a study of any kind, that many nerds/geeks online put up a front.  They adopt the image of something heroic, magical, or interesting because they themselves are not any of those things.  I see this behavior aligning more with shitty behavior toward women, toward minorities, toward anyone who isn’t a white male.

            This behavior happens so often that I am going to put an idea out there and see if it feels true to your experience.  “Alt-Right or racist comments on things, but the Avatar being used is an anime character”.  Do you have any memory of something like that happening?  Have you seen any mentions of the word “whore” next to a picture of Dragonball Z’s Goku?  Have you seen such comments next to other nerd iconography, maybe a Bat symbol or Captain America’s shield?

            I think a lot of these people have lost sight of life.  They have even lost sight of what makes those characters and icons worth being iconic.  Superman is a character all about having power and using it to do good.  Goku is a character that is all about doing one’s best and fighting evil.  I don’t think either of them would want their face next to the “N-word”.  But I’m seeing it.  And I don’t like it.

            Let us look back at the original image.

            Do you think that the message behind these shows is about excluding people from your life because of hobbies?  (I guess “Attack on Titan” could be about that I lost interest in that show immediately for being shit.)  Do you think Goku is the type of person to ignore someone because they they didn’t share his interest in cartoon shows?

            Of course not.  Because Goku had more interests than that, he went on adventures, trained his body, and went out and did awesome things.  All of these characters did.  Stop ignoring life because it conflicts with your cartoon shows.  Have more interests.  Beyond that, don’t be an asshole about your hobbies and interests.  BEYOND THAT, JUST DON”T BE AN ASSHOLE.

            And if you think I am complaining about the hobby, or your love of the hobby, then I am afraid you have missed the point.

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Hair Dye and Fedoras

This was prompted by the question, “Do you find any sort of hair color attractive?” on some random message board and because of a recent excess amount of introspection time this question spurred me to think in a lot of directions.  Hopefully this all comes together as something complete rather than just being a messy pudding of poorly mixed ideas.

I have never noticed myself having an attraction to one style or color over another. I have dated women with brown hair, dyed hair, black hair, and ineffectual hit on innumerable women in countless situations of awkward flirting. But I think I will go on a bit of a digression to mention a trend I sort of see happening that this question strikes deeper into.

I get the impression that lots of people in nerd culture are dying their hair out of the misguided belief that it is the first step to becoming the main character in some anime-esc adventure story. Like how I used to think wearing a fedora would give me a personality before I actually got a personality of my own thru accumulating life events, skills, and lasting personal relationships beyond my immediate family.  But I think people still feel they need to have a flashy trait to stand out because a lot of nerd media substitutes flashy looks for actual personality traits.

For example this is the sort of thing being passed down to children in my (relative) youth. Because I turned 31 this month and I am feeling older than I should.  This is of course a dramatization.  In reality I imagine more drugs were involved.

Designer 1: How do we make the nerd interesting?
Designer 2: Hair.
Designer 1: What?
Designer 2: The craziest fucking hair in the universe.
Designer 1: By human standards? Or by Anime standards? Cause that second option is a summit to climb.
Designer 2: I will show you my vision.

Later...

Designer 1: Yeah, that will definitely serve in place of a personality till we figure out what the fuck this whole series is about.

Designer 2: It is my opus.

  

(When I was a kid I knew how God awful "Yu Gi Oh" was, but until you watch an episode as an adult you can't really understand how much of an extinction level hit to entertainment it is.)

This is not so bad a sin as to be unforgivable.  Lots of people wear clothing hoping it will make them beautiful, popular, or just to cover up something about themselves.  There are a trillion fashions shows telling people to not be themselves and instead be what wealthy people pretend to be.  “Fashionable”.  I kind of wish that I was wise enough when I was a kid to realize this, and I wish I could pass it on to those younger than me whom I see doing it without coming off as the massive tool I feel like every time I try to give advice.  Be a person, not a look.

This is where my own nostalgia and mopey attitude starts to creep in on me.  Sadly the fedora and other quirky hats are no longer distinct fashions that allow people to put on a vibe of aloof intellectual, and instead have become short hand (along with the term “neckbeard”) for someone who is a misogynistic loser, more than likely in the gaming or nerd community.  Now I can’t even look back on my awkward shy years of undergrad and trying to figure out who I was without having to associate it with the phrase, “m’lady.”  Though I was hardly a great person at the time so maybe that is an issue too.

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If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.