Monday, February 4, 2013

Position Open: Girlfriend

(This is a long and meandering blog about relationships, feel free to dodge it)...

Help Wanted
Position Title: Girlfriend
Potential for Advancement: Wife
Hours: Initially part time, though hours can expand if this collaboration meets or exceeds expectations
            Position available for a smart and well educated woman (those do not always go hand in hand sadly).  Must have a personal world view which is subject to change with experience and credible evidence (I don't care what you believe, so long at you can stop believing it when faced with fact).  Must be accepting of eccentric behavior and introverted habits (this is just to make the working environment amicable, cause really this describes your one and only co-worker to a "T").  Must be (at the very least) curious about fantasy, science fiction, and other broad ranges of fiction and should explore this interest through movies, books, and games (most of the job will consist of discussing these things, or at the very least listening to some fool ramble on about them at great length).
            Must be willing to (occasionally) debate and discuss important life decisions so as to help make informed choices, and must be able to support such choices even if not in total agreement (sorry, this is the advisory role); must also have personal dreams and ambitions to debate and discuss, and ultimately receive support in execution (sorry, this is the feedback role of the job, essentially advice has to be a two way street, no nagging on either parties part).
            Must have her own hobbies, interests, and friends that can exist as a social circle beyond this partnership, and must accept that I have hobbies, interests, and friends beyond them (this is a feature rather than a draw back for both parties, as I have interesting friends who are good to socialize with, and I expected to be provided with a sort of part time social circle of people that I can enjoy from time to time that are not strictly speaking "my" friends).
            Applicant must not be a gossip, holding honesty and forthrightness as high virtues (I do).  Non-smoker preferred but is not a deal breaker (I will buy you gum, binaca, or your preferred method of breath freshening, you just have then use it regularly).  Should have a commitment to personal health, self improvement, and intellectual exploration (that being said, feel free to have personal faults to, honestly if you are too good I will just get suspicious... Oh yes: tolerant of exceptionally rare paranoia).
            This is an at will partnership, but proper performance reviews should be given by both parties and (as the relationship develops) greater levels of termination notice should be expected and opportunities for forgiveness and improvement offered (seriously after a certain grace period I expect some warning signs before being emotionally gutted, just to see if I can right the course or end it before we want to kill one another).
            After full time status has been attained additional (marriage) contracts can be drawn up, and levels of financial and emotional entanglement shall reach intense levels (growing old and delirious together would be the ultimate goal of a successful partnership).

            I am in the later half of my twenties and have regrettably not had a deep and sincere adult relationship.  And really I think I should strike while the proverbial iron is hot.
            I am currently in Law School (and Grad School) surrounded by highly intelligent and educated women with diverse backgrounds and personal aspirations.  And while many are in committed long term relationships and might even have families, many others are much like myself... 20-somethings who have yet to find "the one" (bleh, I hate such cliché sentiments).
            I can't hold out hope that my life will lead me to another situation in which I will again be in such a social situation: surrounded by the ideal demographic to seek out a serious relationship.  I am sharing a life defining professional experience with a group of interesting people and should not let the opportunity to meet them go by.
            I wish I was better at that though.  While I can be funny and engaging, I am also abrasive and often times intimidating.  Not to mention my own introverted habits outside of class, having a hard time asking people if they want to go out, and being unable to tell polite rejection from actual interest that simply can't be followed up on because of competing plans.  (This poor ability to read signals often leads to the comedy of errors in which I might ask out a woman two or three times who has no interest, all while ignoring another woman who I thought did not like me, but is actually interested and merely burdened by a complex schedule).
            There is also the issue of attraction.  Some attractive people can't stand me, while others have a similar sense of humor or persona but have an appearance that in another century would have relegated them to ringing bells in Notre Dame.  I know I am no Christian Bale or Ryan Gosling (for one, I cannot for the life of me get defined abs due to really liking food and only marginally liking exercise) and I cannot fault beautiful women who would dodge me because they find me unattractive.  I know it is bad to be "shallow" but attractiveness is something else to consider and is important for helping with the initial spark of a relationship.
            I don't know.  This is a rather meandering bit of writing, tomorrow I will more than likely revert back to not thinking about the long term effects of my lackluster dating habits.  This is just something that was rattling around in my head.  Probably because such a high percentage of my friends are paired off with someone, jealousy is a poor trait, but I am self aware enough to know that I am jealous of many others.

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