Wednesday, February 27, 2013


            Social interaction might be the most forced thing I go through each day.  I don't particularly like "people" in the broadest of strokes, much like the quote from K in Men in Black, "A person is smart.  People are dumb panicky dangerous animals..."  And I really believe that to be the case, so it should come as no surprise I go out of my way to be an entertaining, informative, uplifting, and otherwise pleasant force in social situations.

            It is exhausting.

            And it is from this on-the-outside-looking-in mentality that I approach the social event that is: THE COMMUNITY BAR BQ.  When I was in under-gradute at FGCU I lived in on campus student housing all 4 years, I applied to be an RA for years two and three.  The first time because I wanted to get free rent and pay for doing something I would have done anyway, sit on my ass in the dorms all the time.  The second time because I thought I could get out of my shell, I furthered my goal by going to every stupid housing get together I could and making my name known to the Housing staffers.  I never got to be an RA and by my senior year I had decided to stop giving half a shit.  What I did pick up on was the pattern of lazy event planning which was this: Food and Mingle.

            Since frozen hamburger patties are cheap, and an all but unused grill is standard issue next to all college housing pool areas, so the go to is of course, THE COMMUNITY BAR BQ.  And while the food is terrible, and the guests are all college students with nothing better to do the experience is rarely anything other than miserable, how do I remember this so clearly?  Cause I just went to one today.

            I have aged emotionally and physically since I last went to one of these contrived events, but for whatever reason they remain incredibly awkward and not fun.  For god sake it is still chilly outside, so there isn't even the off chance that women in bikinis will show up to be ogled and made uncomfortable by me.  Though I guess there is the trade off that none of the six-pack-abs brigade will be around to make me lament my poor dieting decisions so I guess that is a wash.

            The only thing these events really bring to mind are those Kim Jong Un photo-ops.  Where everyone there is just incredibly uncomfortable, I guess there is no compulsory service at THE COMMUNITY BAR BQ, but at the same time... Nobody has to be there, so those who show up are all the more awkward because they all know that none of them have anything better to do.  It is kind of pathetic.  And yes, I am pathetic for having gone just to bite into a burn burger on a stale bun (I threw 80% of it in the garbage, as it was garbage).  Maybe I needed a refresher in how none of this stuff is worth my fantastically inexpensive time.

Okay, it isn't this awkward, but it is certainly on the same sliding scale of  "socially uncomfortable situations".

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