Friday, January 3, 2014

Movies of 2013, Apocalypse, pt3, World War Z

Apocalypse Films (or "What is the Dumbest Thing I have seen all Year?")

World War Z, or "What?  Seriously, what?"
Overall: 3/10 (To answer my starting question, this is the Dumbest movie I have seen all year)

It is clear this script was not written for the book it was supposedly based on.
It is a series of set pieces strung together rather than a carefully plotted tale building to a climax.
            Another god damn zombie movie.  Look, this is just a really, really stupid movie, if nothing else it is that, and I would not recommend seeing it. I am now going to look at some spoiler info to show how dumb it is.
            Spoiler time discussion: The zombie outbreak starts... somewhere and spreads through airports, the zombies can only be incapacitated by bullets though unless they are completely destroyed they seem to keep coming after a short respite, they are fast, the infection spreads quickly, and all the actors in zombie make up over play the role to the point that it is silly rather than scary or engaging.  Brad Pitt is a UN investigator that is sent into... I don't know what he does, I think his job involves figuring out what happens in warzones.
            The movie is a road trip, going from scene to scene all over the world, initially it is pretty good with the outbreak in the city, followed by raiding supplies and escaping via helicopter on a roof.  These are simple down to earth adventures that could be experienced by anyone in a crisis situation.
            Then Pitt travels to Korea, and while refueling in the rain the zombies attack, how the zombies saw, heard, or smelled them in the rain (at night) is not explained and the rules for how these things behave is a little unclear.  One character, thought to be plot indispensable falls down and shoots himself in the face... It is hilarious.
            After Korea they go to Israel in the most laughable point in the film.  Israel has apparently been spending all the foreign aid the US has been giving them on walls to keep the zombies out (METAPHOR) and then decides to let everybody into the walls having never heard of quarantine procedures before.  Then when the groups of Jews and Palestinians start singing about love, togetherness and acceptance the noise attracts zombies to break in and annihilates the whole thing (METAPHOR?)

The Israeli wall is where this happens.
            Brad Pitt escapes in a plane, which gets infected (I have no idea where this comes from it is established that infection takes 12 seconds, they have been in the air for an hour... Again the rules are made up and the plot points don't matter).  The plane crashes near enough to walk to a WHO (World Health Organization) facility... Near enough to walk with a piece of plane debris going through Pitt's torso.  The WHO faculty then threaten Pitt with violence and interrogate him... Why?  They are doctors and viral pathologists not fascists, there is no reason for them to act this way.
            They then explain that sick people are effectively invisible to zombies... The zombies only wanting to infect healthy people... because only a healthy person can spread the infection properly... a magical disease that turns off the circulatory system... No kidding they establish that biological attacks on the zombies won't work because without a working circulatory system there is no way for the disease to harm them...  So what difference would being sick make?
            Regardless Pitt gets to the zombie infested lab with all of the virus samples, infects himself (it is important to note that he is in a refrigerator and finds syringes to inject himself, because of course they keep syringes in the refrigerated room with all the Ebola).  And it is true that undead can't see sick people... They then infect the world with  some kind of flu and people commence to exterminate the zombies in epic battles which look all the more preposterous because all of the human attacks are effectively invisible and completely immune to attack from the zombies now who ignore them even while getting bashed apart.
            Pitt then gets to reunite with his family in the Canadian wilderness.
            Additional problems: There are not this many people in the world to make the things that happen in this movie happen.  You have millions of zombies in every location pouring like a tidal wave over crowds of humans... Horseshit.  It would not take that long to figure out sick people are invisible, it would be immediately apparent.  The WHO are a useless international disaster response force, if you want someone to hand out condom information packets and hold an AIDS seminar for people who don't listen, call the WHO, massive viral breakout would require the CDC which is in Atlanta and would have been destroyed instantly in this movie.

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