I review "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1" pt4 Finally

            While we are in the dungeon waiting for the worst characters in the movie series to come in and save the day I'll continue the review.

            Okay, can someone explain to me what is up with the wands?  They imply that there is some sort of magical connection between a wand and its user.  Since Lord V is imprinted on Harry they have twin wands, they each connect to that design and combination of magical ju-ju.  So how are they able to use other people's wands?  What is the advantage of using your own wand?

            Now let me bring this all the way back to my first complaint of Bellatrix.  Again, good actress, and the the problem isn't so much the character but how the character is used.  And the perfect example is at the 'heroes' lowest point in the movie.  They are captured and are being imprisoned and interrogated by Bellatrix, which is like a bull dog interrogating a canary, she doesn't ask questions, she just chews trying to get it to sing.  Bellatrix is stone stupid.  Harry has the most pathetic disguise they could throw over him, his face is puffy, and Bellatrix can't tell it's him.  He has the same scar, the same glasses, same voice, same height and coloring... Oh, and he is traveling with his two best friends, that like finding Batman with Superman and Wonder Woman, but he's wearing a red cape so the Joker can't tell it's him.  Bellatrix then commences to get her ass wrecked by an elf and some teenagers, getting a killing blow against the worst character in the franchise (Dobby, read "part 1", complaint two), and earning my love and respect.  Feelings you shouldn't have for the psycho antagonist.

And there is the pitch!  Oh!  She hit the batter square up in the face and he's down, yep... She killed him.  Today is a great day in baseball.

            Speaking of psycho antagonists.  How has no one tried to kill Lord V in his sleep?  The man is a monster.  A literal and figurative monster.  He supports ethnic superiority, rule through violence and bloodshed, and has no real management strategy beyond blaming minorities for problems.  Why are people following Lord V at all?  In fact, what is his ultimate goal?  He seems to want to kill Harry Potter, but why?  because Harry, having survived inexplicably in his youth is a symbol of hope to those he suppresses?  So what?  He's a teenage orphan that sheds supporting cast members like a leper sheds fingers.  Harry is lucky, but far from competent, yet he is orbited like he has value.  Why?

I'm not the first person to say that the Wands might just be a penis metaphor right?  Okay, then I won't go on a long pick it apart rant about how that makes perfect sense in a coming of age story, though the Sword makes that metaphor twice over.

            And another thing, nobody thought to go check the Malfoy residence, nobody thought that might be the headquarters of the bad guys?  Snape killed the headmaster of a prestigious private school, less than a year later he is the headmaster of that school, is this "The Highlander" franchise where killing someone gets you their power?  Why aren't the parents complaining about his?  Why isn't he wanted for murder?  Seriously, explain to me why Malfoy is walking free?  And that no one of authority bothered to look for him, at his fucking house.  Is this a British thing?  "Hey, um."  "Yes officer, did you want to search the grounds?"  "Well, yes as a matter of fact."  "Well, we're a bit busy could you stop by some other time?"  "Well, I suppose if you are busy.  What time would you like us to come by on our man hunt?"  "I don't know, my schedule is all over the place right now.  Could I just give you a call when you could come over and conduct your search for the man wanted for conspiracy to commit murder and treason?"  "Yeah just drop us a line when you aren't busy, no need to rush."  Who is running this place?

Yeah, nobody saw this sniveling little shit turning into a sniveling little shit villain in the future.  Christ he can't even kill a helpless old man with dignity.  Hey, if you disagree with Voldemort: defect.  Lord V is just going to fuck you and your whole social order over in the end anyway, he is a nihilistic sociopath and you sided with him... because?

            And a complaint that everyone has touched on, what was the deal with Hermione erasing her parents' memories?  As soon as I saw this happen I said to myself, "Aren't they going to wonder about all the empty frames around the house, not to mention the empty bedroom that they never filled with crap?  What about their neighbors?  "Didn't you have a daughter?  She went to boarding school, you brag about her being top of her class all the time?  What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about?"  Why wasn't Harry's step parents given the same treatment?  Hell, why weren't they given the same treatment in the first movie?  They are abusive shits and Harry should have been allowed to live and work at Hogwarts during the summer, learning to train animals with Hagrid and getting some sort of internship as a page at the Ministry or something.  Instead the school sends Harry back to the people who had him living under the stairs since he was a baby, and for whatever reason hate him but don't want him to go to boarding school.  They make no sense as characters and should have been dismissed as quickly as possible but are kept around for bland manufactured drama.

You just know the neighbors are going to end up calling the cops because they'll assume that these people killed their daughter and just want to cover it up and go on with their lives like psychos would hope to do.  It'd be like the ending to "Shutter Island" without all the competent acting.

            Well, That's all I could think of, but considering I saw it opening week, 5 and a half months ago, and not since... Well, the negative made an impression.  I guess that is part of the issue, The best character of the whole series has been Hogwarts and it wasn't in this movie.  A lot of the peripheral magical world was in "Deathly Hollows", but it was the extreme periphery, the wilderness and the muggle world.  The whole thing just came off as very dull and full of the bullshit angst that "Twilight" has forced into the genre of modern fantasy.  This series lost its spark, and much like I saw "The Revenge of the Sith" out of obligation to the "Star Wars" franchise, I'll see "Part II" out of obligation to this series though I only really liked two of the movies.  It is sad really, they had a built in audience so they took for granted the millions they would make and the hoard of apologists they would have fighting for them, so they made a mediocre film just to cash in an additional time when they could have wrapped this whole thing up by cutting out a lot of the nonsense.

            You all get that don't you?  That this movie was created specifically to make more money, not to give the prose room to breath on film.  That they realized this gravy train won't be ripe for remake for at least 10 years and that they needed to draw it out a little longer to savor the money flow.  This is a scam.  Whatever.

They don't look sad, he looks bored and she looks pensive.  I would say they are going to go on to very little acting wise, but with my luck this guy will be the next incarnation of "Doctor Who" and I'll grow to like him and be brainwashed into apologizing for this series of blogs

            Fuck me, are they camping again?!

I review "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1" pt3

            Hey they just broke camp... but they still have no plan aside from bitching at each other... I guess I'll continue this blog while little else is happening.  Idiots.

            This falls under the 'atmosphere that makes no sense' and the 'pointless scene' headers.  Why hasn't the town council had the half demolished house of Harry's dead parents torn down and a memorial put in?  The damn thing is gloomy and unseemly.  No one living in that neighborhood would want the grim reminder the night a white supremacist fire bombed their neighbor's house.  Yet there it stands along with all the snow and darkness and zero color.  Isn't this supposed to be a fun and magical coming of age story?

You mean to tell me that in the last 6 years since he was made aware of this magical world he never visited his parents grave?  No one, not even his dick headed mortal family thought that might be a good part of the grieving process?

            Okay, another MacGuffin, the book Dumbledore leaves Heromione, you know the bard book.  This collection of fables gives clues that lead to a creepy old woman that turns out to be a giant snake, and another book for them to read and find clues in.  Why did that old lady just turn into a snake?  Why did they leave the giant murderous reptile alive?  Cut its fucking head off.  It is a monster that eats people, no sane culture on this planet suffers man eating animals to live.  They're fucking dangerous.  And why is there a second book?  Just have all the clues in the first book, and cut this whole scene with the snake-woman out.  Oh, I forgot, we have to give the fans of the book their nerd boners.

If it is all the same to you, I've got productive things to do instead of watching a snake eat a woman while we circle jerk to the thought of how evil we all are.

            Speaking of crap that Dumbledore left in his will.  That golden snitch that Harry first grabbed at Hogwarts.  Apparently since he caught it the thing is keyed to his flesh memory, because for some reason no one else had handled it prior to Harry.  Why is flesh memory only being explained now? Cause it is being pulled out of the air.  Why is it so inconsistent?  Why is the skin of Harry's mouth different than the skin on his hands?  Does he have Chimera syndrome when different tissues of the body have different DNA?  This is stupid, and why does it reveal only writing when he first touches it to his mouth?  Its pretty clear another MacGuffin is in there, just crack the damn thing open.

Why the riddle?  If Harry is the only one who could get the message having a riddle only makes it harder on the good guys.  Literally at no point do the villains make any attempt to locate this object, they don't know what it is, or even that it exists or is of any importance.  So why the riddle?

            Speaking of throwbacks to older books, instead of a golden snitch and the absolutely ludicrous sport of quidditch we have the shape shifting potion.  How do you sneak into a government facility with a substance so common it has been a prominent plot point in at least three of these movies?  Shouldn't there be a level of security specifically for that?  A 'true form' field or something?  How is visual confirmation of a person's identity enough in a world of shape shifters?  Why is no one thinking to ask these questions?

How about we give Harry a potion so he looks like someone else?  That way instead of having eight decoys we instead just have one guy in disguise.  Or you know, just put everyone in mortal danger for the sake of a kid who's greatest quality is that he happened to not die as a baby.

            Speaking of breaking into a government facility, when they do break into the Ministry of Magic (a place which was just overthrown in a bloody coup mind you) there is a giant statue.  Where did they get that giant statue of muggles getting crushed by a big block?  Why did they install that on the first day of the new regime?  Why is it a corrupt government being so up front about how evil it is?  Why make a statue that shows living beings crushed under the weight of another society?  Did the wizard community not exist during World War II?  This is all part of a grander strategy of looking evil, because I guess murdering someone who is begging for their life isn't enough to establish the snake monster and his lackeys are evil, they need a statue to take pictures in front of.  This is again why I think Umbridge has been the best overall villain in this movie because her personality of thinly veiled menace and superiority is juxtaposed with her pink and inviting demeanor.  All the more that she looks out of place in front of the giant monument that might as well have white supremacy written on the side.

I used this picture once already, but it illustrates my point rather well.

            I guess we are done with camping, instead we are being locked in a dungeon.  Some heroes we have here... Idiots.