Some Reviews of Several Audible Originals

            A Couple months ago I did 10 quick reviews for audio books I had been listening to on Audible.  But I specifically left out something else Audible offers, their original content.  Audible produces numerous books in their own studios and has moved into producing more and more podcast-like content.  To help showcase more of this material they allow audible members to get 2 titles in this category each month (mind you it is from a list of 6 showcased items, not the whole shebang).

            I see this content as standing apart from the audible books as they frequently have numerous cast members, sound effects, audio taken from news reports and other sources.  They are so different in execution and production (most of the time) that I wouldn’t call them audio books… more like audio productions.  So I am going to pull out a couple of these and say whether I liked them.

Midnight Son

            A Native Alaskan man deeply troubled by alcohol and personal instability disappears into the wilderness after fleeing an escalating violent confrontation outside of his mother’s home.  His behavior and his explanation of where he was and what he was doing in the days that followed lead to questions about Native Alaskan Folklore.

This is exactly the sort of content I come to expect from Audible originals when it comes to the true crime genre.  A seemingly straight forward case that happens in a unique location with a colorful assortment of real people, with the additional twist of explaining/exploring something I was previously unaware of, in this case the Native Alaskan folklore of the Iñukuns.  For lack of a better explanation, the Iñukuns are the folktale of a lost tribe of small and strong people that still live in the wild… and fuck with people.  It is spooky.

If I have one complaint it is that I would have liked to learn more about the Native Folklore.  I am a mythology nerd and I will admit that Native American myths are blindspot for me.  And sadly this material is obscure enough that I couldn't really find too much else related to the Iñukuns after finishing.  Maybe that is a strength to this?  Leave them wanting more?

I see a lot of reviewers on the Audible site itself complaining about swearing... which is just so stupid.  Like, this is a violent crimes investigation taking place in a rural and blue-collar community... People say "fuck".  Grow up and get over it.

I gave it a 5/5.

The Home Front: Life in America During World War II

            This series takes in massive amounts of interviews and oral history to look at the evolving social justice movements and economic realities of the Homefront during World War II.

            I will freely admit that I am Reeeeaaalllll tired of learning about World War II.  Along with Viet Nam it has been in the popular consciousness during the entirety of my life and I just do not want to know any more about the war itself.  When I saw this thing I mostly got it on the strength of, “I like Martin Sheen” and “well it is less about the war and instead about the Homefront” and “it isn’t just a rosy circle jerk for America”  These factors taken together switched my mood on the thing.

            It is a good original take on the subject matter.  It is cool to learn about how race, gender, and economics were shaped by the war in much stranger ways than would have been expected.  The idea that the government had to ask for companies to build them a tank and being told, “Sure we can do that, but just one thing, what is a tank?”  That is interesting.

            My real complaint is this: It is AGGRESSIVELY a series.  Each section starts with a recap and introduction and ends with preview and credits.  That is stupid.  The whole thing should have been reedited to make a comprehensive credits section at the end of the whole thing, no previews, no recaps, just get into it.  I should not be skipping dozens of minutes to get past these redundancies.  Major drag on the production.

            If not for the need of a reedit this would be a 5/5, as is, I gave it a 4/5

My Lost Family

            The story of a woman whose children were stolen from her by their father and taken to who knows where and why she didn’t look for them.

            This is a sad and miserable exploration of a tragic family manipulated by a guy who in any just universe would have been murdered at a much younger age.

            I did not like this.  It is just sad and frustrating.  I don’t feel like I learned anything from going thru this and I would not recommend it.

            I guess if you like misery porn this would be for you.

            This is a 2/5.

Body of Proof

            A man is in prison for the murder(?) of the woman he was having an affair with.  There is not a single piece of forensic evidence that he committed the crime… There isn’t even a body of the victim.  She is just gone.

            This is one of those real-life cases where they do the thing of, “Here is the case against him” portrayed as solid as possible, and then then in the second half they explain why all of that is basically junk.  And since I am all about the, “Show me the fingerprints and the blood splatter” I thought the first half was shockingly thin, so by the time they started laying out why he was innocent I mostly was nodding and going, “Yeah”.

            This is (to me) very much the story of some guy getting a crime pinned on him, and how the Scottish criminal justice system is deeply flawed.  But then I look at other reviewers and they seem to take the, “This is biased toward innocence” and I guess it is more up in the air than I thought.

            This is a 5/5 for me.

The Man Who Knew the Way to the Moon

            A look at the scientist who championed Lunar Orbit Rendezvous, the dark horse method of space craft construction and operation that allowed a smaller craft and crew to visit the moon and return safely to earth before the end of the 1960’s.

            I was surprised how much I enjoyed this.  It is a good blend of history and science that I wouldn’t mind seeing in other similar historical instances (maybe the Manhattan Project or the creation of the Windows/Apple operating systems).

            If you like learning about the history of science, I cannot think of a reason why you would dislike listening to this.

            I put this at 4/5.

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10 Short Audible Reviews

            Here are Ten short reviews of the last Ten books I have listened to with Audible.  That is to say, these are books, not the Audible originals I also received which are often more complex productions and good in their own way… But I am just going for books on this one.

            I should note that I only listed the authors and not the audio performers, this is my own bias because I am reviewing these first as books.  That being said, the audio performances were good in all of these and in some cases I would argue elevated the material.

“Talking to Strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell

            This is a less focused thesis statement than his previous books, but regardless it introduces numerous instances of communications theory and practice that have broken down in some keyway leading to trouble.  Recommended for those who like non-fiction having to do with communications and current events.

“Outland” by Dennis E. Taylor

            This is the start to a new science fiction series by the author that appeals to the same part of my brain that really liked Gary Paulsen novels growing up.  I would most compare it to “Tunnel in the Sky” by Robert Heinlein.  If you like high concept science fiction I would recommend it, but I would recommend his “We Are Legion (We Are Bob)” series first, it is SO GOOD.

“Blindspot” by Mahzarin R Banaji and Anthony G Greenwald

            This was reading for my new position as a student at George Washington University, as it details how hidden bias exists in ways that are often too subtle to detect.  It also explains how these things developed within society and how recognizing them can be useful.  If you like social science then I recommend it.  I talk about it more here.

This book series deserves a special commendation because it is legendarily good at being self published.
No Joke, this is an inspiration to all writers who want to be successful one day.

“Age of Legend” by Michael J Sullivan

            This is the latest in a series that I like overall, but I actually think this is the weakest entry in the series.  I genuinely enjoy all of the work by Sullivan that I have listened to and have talked to him via email, where he complimented my solution to his use of the term “underscore” by a society that had no concept of written language (my solution was to say it referred to scoring the underside of a boot or shoe to give it traction and grip, rather than underlining a word).  I talked about more of his material here.

“Sacre Bleu: A Comedy d’Art” by Christopher Moore

            I am legitimately shocked that I have not mentioned this author before in this blog.  He does magical comedy and has written numerous titles I would recommend without hesitation.  This one I am hesitant to recommend because it is WEIRD.  I like the concept, that some mysterious supernatural being is responsible for the murder of Vincent van Gogh and it relates to a magical blue paint… but boy does it take a turn into crazy town.  I would only recommend it if you are okay with the sort of, “it is so weird that it makes it seem real” that you get from Joe Hill stories about a magical car that turns children into hook toothed monsters.

“Siege Tactics” by Drew Hayes

            Another, “4^th book in its series”.  I wrote a longer review for this one on Audible and I will share the thrust of it here: the series is getting bloated with too many characters and WAY TOO MUCH explanation of the world’s metaphysics.  I still like the books because they are creative, and adventurous, and the characters are good… but I kind of want there to be an epic final conclusion to the overall story soon.

             I talk about the first book in the series here.

I find pretty much all of the art surrounding this story to be just neat.

“The Pillars of the Earth” by Ken Follett

            No joke, this was part of a three book effort started in May of 2017 with “A Canticle for Leibowitz”, continued in May 2018 with “Silence”, and finished in April this year with this.  My goal was to try and read books whose CORE had to do with the Christian faith and how it is explored in various contexts.  “Canticle” was about a post apocalypse, “Silence” was a historical about the persecuted outsider, and “Pillars” is very much about it being a core and powerful player in day to day life.

            I genuinely consider “Pillars” to be one of my favorite books of all time.  As a civic planner, political scientist, and student of history the exploration of the technical, political, and social dynamics present in this book hit every part of my brain.

            I should definitely write more about my journey thru Christian (Catholic) fiction and my thoughts on the subject matter.  Probably juxtapose it with thoughts about my trip to Vatican City last year… I will have to think about it.

“The Vexed Generation” by Scott Meyer

            This is the 6^th book in its series, and it is also a soft reboot.  I consider this a return to form for the series’ writing in regard to humor and fresh characterization, especially after almost quitting the series in frustration after book 5 (which I consider the absolute nadir of the series).  What once was old is now new again as the children of the original protagonist have to step in, learn things, and then save the day.  It is neat.

I do have one big complaint: The book is trying to have things both ways on the topic of the reboot.  Either be a jumping on point, with fresh characters seeing things for the first time and having to learn it all from an outside perspective… Or start the book with a, “This is the premise” rundown.  Don’t do both.  Write the book as if no one has read the previous, and that means not putting that at the start and trusting the readers (even long-time readers) to appreciate the sense of discovery the rest of the book offers.

 

This story is just what you would expect from the cover.

“Pawn of Prophecy” by David Eddings

            If you tried to write the most archetypal fantasy story ever… Well you would probably get something like a shitty “Lord of The Rings”… but if you tried to do such a task while aware of and avoiding comparisons to LotR then you might write “Dawn of Prophecy” and its series The Belgariad.

            It is a solid FINE.  I would consider it part of the “canon” of fantasy, as it was written with the idea of being a quintessential fantasy story in mind, but it will not give you anything you haven’t seen in other fantasy books.

“14” by Peter Clines

            I like Peter Clines well enough… because he is kind of what I would see myself as were I to really go for broke writing a novel instead of just talking about it all the time.

            This book is well structured, has natural dialogue, has character arcs, fun and inventive set pieces, and stakes.  Sure I called certain things that would happen, but the way he visualizes certain things, the creepy elements being creepy, and the adventurous nature of the story all come together well.

            If you like science fiction mystery stories, dialogue driven humor, and cosmic horror I can recommend this.

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My Thoughts on "Inuyasha"

“Inuyasha” is an action-romance anime and is one of the first anime I watched regularly.  This show is the source of a lot of nostalgia as I first encountered it when I was going to college and it was on its first run on Adult Swim, so I am probably a lot easier on it than I should be when it comes to criticism.

By the standards of most anime programs I encounter these days the story is decompressed, the full team featured in the opening credits isn't entirely introduced until nearly 20 episodes in, the first dozen episodes dealing with the titular character, Inuyasha (a half demon warrior who looks like a silver haired man with puppy ears), and the main character, Kagome (a girl from modern day Japan displaced to the land of fantasy via a magic shrine on her family’s property).  I feel this slow build plays to the series strengths.  There is plenty of time for broad-cute humor, lots of character development, and a big extended cast (which includes a cowardly talking flea man, a badger demon, an old priestess, and lots of bad guys).

The other three principle heroic characters are Shippo (a shape shifting fox demon who uses illusions, but is still a child and mostly assists as a distraction rather than a team heavy hitter), Miroku (a Monk with a black hole in the palm of his hand, a devious personality, and he’s a lecher), and Sango (the last survivor of a tribe of demon hunting ninjas who fights using a giant boomerang).

All of these characters have some tragic backstory, they have desires and motivations that are made clear to the audience, and parallels between their situations are constantly seen between them.  For instance Shippo’s father was a powerful fox demon who was killed by a pair of evil brothers, Inuyasha’s father was a powerful wind/dog demon and he has an evil older brother, Kagome has a younger brother and her father is unseen in the show but she carries on the legacy of her family tending a shrine, Sango carries on the legacy of her family a society of demon slayers and her younger brother is being kept alive and brainwashed by black magic by the series principle antagonist, That antagonist is responsible for Miroku the Monk’s father and grandfather being dead, and the black hole in his hand which is slowly consuming Miroku.  And round and round the character comparisons go creating a good narrative echo, even on things I did not mention.

 

This is Tessaiga, a magical sword that under normal circumstances looks like a tiny katana, but when Inuyasha uses it to defend humanity, specifically Kagome it grows into a huge buster sword.  Symbolism.

The series could definitely be lumped into the superhero genre as well, as they are sort of a mystical medieval Avengers (as fans of “Demon Knights” weep that I don’t reference that because of it already being obscure).  They have a functional rouges gallery that has 3 recurring villains (though more appear down the line as minions for the main bads).

Last bit of praise, I think the animation really works.  The action flows, all of the characters are well designed and look elegant.  Sure Inuyasha’s murderous brother Sesshomaru looks like a Final Fantasy villain, but the restraint shown in the design of the principle cast is almost uncharacteristic in a show of this type.

 

Hooray for costumes that won't break the bank for people who want to cos-play them.

Some complaints, first of which is my only narrative gripe.  The series starts with Kagome traveling back thru time to the age of mystical demon haunted Japan.  A teen girl from 2000 in some years during Japan’s feudal era.  But she is able to travel back and forth between the future and the past without much issue, and often demons will follow her back to her time.  And the two time periods run concurrently, a day in the past is a day in the future, so when she goes quest for 4 days, she misses 4 days of school, her normal life is suffering for her time spent adventuring.  There is some narrative value here, the idea that she could leave at any time, to a world without danger and just be a normal person but chooses to stay and rick her safety to help others makes her a good person, but it also defuses some potential tension.

The series could have been a Wizard of Oz type plot in which she can’t get home and meets the various other heroes, that would add stakes, and ultimately the series would hinge on whether she wants to go home after all of the adventures or if she wants to stay, as is the only tension is a “will they won’t they” romantic tension with Inuyasha, and the “they will” is so obvious that it’s not really an issue.  I can see the ending coming and they really should just get to it and provide closer to the series.  (I realize that “Escaflowne” had a similar set up in this regard, anime have lots of main characters that work as audience surrogates).

Then there are some non-story issues, this show is not great to marathon, a lot of each episode is recapping events from previous episodes, "Remember, this, that, the other thing, and one more thing" it gets annoying when you literally just watched what they are talking about.  This sort of thing crops up a lot in shows produced prior to 2005, before the advent of the DVD and streaming market meant that missing an episode meant missing important plot details.  The only way to get around that was to have characters recap to each other (and indirectly the audience) the ongoing story.

(On a related note the 4^th season of “Angel” has this to a toxic level, several episodes happen over the course of a few hours and they still spend 5 minutes telling each other what is happening, I bet that show got incomprehensible to new watchers at that point, I should review it at some point).

Another issue, sometimes the dialogue is repetitive, lots of yelling other people's names, people yelling the names of their signature attacks or weapons.  This I think is a genre convention that allows for easier identification of the characters for purposes of marketing merchandise, but even with the rhyming or dramatic declaration there is only so many times you can hear the attack “Iron Reaver, Soul Stealer” before you wonder why he never learned another move to yell.  Making fun of this was part of the advertising.

Also, the opening theme and end credits are obnoxiously long, more than 10% of each episode (they are pretty and have good music, but come on, and the Japanese pop music that accompanies the openings sucks, I can’t even find the decent orchestral opening that I am familiar with and that is on the Netflix stream [FOUND IT]).  This is again another genre convention, as it is supposed to help get people in the move for the show, the opening number is a sweeping score accompanying images of the setting and the characters, and the ending credits are characters being melancholy (a tone immediately broken because they have a preview for the next episode, something I am shocked was not cut for the stream on Netflix).

            Lastly, there are too many episodes, the show became successful and they started to stretch things even though a logical end point for the series was reached, instead you get an anti-climax and the story basically reboots (the series is so long, not all of it is on Netflix at time of this review, only a little less than a 4th of their 193 episodes and 4 movies).  If the series had edited out all of the recapping of previous events and tightened up the latter half of the series it would be great, as is it is just good.

I have no issue understanding why this was popular and remains fondly remembered, and I have no trouble understanding why people deride it, it has flaws just as it has strengths, but it should not be totally disregarded by anybody who likes watching Anime in general.

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My First Impressions on "Ni No Kuni"

I bought this game during Black Friday last year and popped it in for about an hour this spring and I now realize I will never be going back. So while I wrote several paragraphs for my first impressions, planning to give the game a full run down, that is not going to happen, so here are some of my initial thoughts of disappointment and boredom. Maybe my expectations were too high from it getting recommended so many time. I can sort of see the appeal, but not really.

First Impressions:
Was playing the first hour of "Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch" (Why did they not translate the whole title?) on the PS3 and they really needed to bring in Neil Gaiman to do a punch up on the script. The number of "huh", "wah", "hmm", and various other mouth-noise filler is embarrassing. There is also the stupidly long installation period, load times, and opening credit sequence (just do the installation while playing the opening credits).

I got nowhere near even having little sidekicks and buddies.

They also have a very poor habit of sliding between 4 levels of exposition, there is the gameplay interactions without voices, those with voices, those that are in game cinematics, and then there are fully animated cut scenes, and then there are the fully animated cut scenes which happen in areas that the viewpoint character is not in, or those that flashback to another cut scene that we watched 5 minutes prior.
There was 45 minutes before the first bit of combat which consisted of me hitting a puppy with a stick 3-5 times... I like the art style and the character, Drippy, but this game has a lot of problems getting into gear.
Oliver the main character is shown as having helped build and then drove a car he and his friend made, this in part leads to the death of his mother who saved him when the car crashed into a river causing her heart to give out.  Will this skill ever be used again?  I can't find anything in the promotional art or screen shots that indicates that it will.  Is this to establish character?  If so, what does it establish?  Oliver is practically dragged into the situation by his friend and does little aside from get rescued once the situation turns bad.  I guess it is supposed to make him feel responsible for his mother's death, but he is a 13 year old who drove a small car into a calm river at low speed, why did he even need rescuing?  This whole opener makes him seem sheepish and ineffectual to the point of being a loser.
There is a subtext that the fantasy world is Oliver's attempt to escape from the harshness of the situation, especially considering that Drippy the Lord of Fairies is a toy his mother made for him yet claims to have been transformed into the doll by the villain... But that subtext is under cut when supernatural things are shown to exist before the tragedy that spurs the adventure... that is bad writing.  The ambiguity of whether or not this is a dream or real is important to showing the character coming to grips with things.  This is why I mentioned Neil Gaiman who does a lot of modern fantasy with going-down-the-rabbit-hole elements and has included scenes that make the reader question what is happening to the character ("Neverwhere" had that confrontation be one of the big climaxes of the book).

I must state, that even though the game's pacing kept me from playing it again, It remains one of the most beautiful and imaginative games I have ever seen and it a credit to all of the artistic minds that worked on it in that regard.

If you want a positive review, please watch this silly European woman.  She really liked it and explains why, in a way that allows me to see how others could appreciate it very deeply.

My Thoughts on "Spec Ops: The Line"

            "Spec Ops: The Line" is a video game I had 70% spoiled before I played it, I knew there were going to be instances in which I would face a hard decision and then another, and nothing gets better from that point on.  I heard about the symbolism and the complex nature of the problem.  I heard about depth and how the game goes meta, changing how the player visualizes and experiences what is going on.

Spoilers for this game are sort of everywhere online.

            The art looks good.  Each character suffers degrade from the injuries they have taken, making the damage done to you and the crew very visible reminders of the violence done to an by the player.  The music is classic and evokes that anti-war protest tradition that was not as popular in its heyday as the country has been lead to believe.

            I typically do not play shooters, I know when the controls are a little too loose but while I have been told that "Spec Ops" is not an ideal shooter gameplay experience I liked it a lot, there are very few points in which I felt the gameplay was too difficult or sticky for what I had to work with.  I like that the ammo was not pouring out of every vending machine and that the limited weapon selection meant that I had to work on my aim a bit, a big departure from "Saints Row the Third" which had me spraying bullets like mad to take down any one target.

            Overall this game really delivered, while the gameplay is fun I really appreciated the dark subject matter and the condemnation of war and the glorification of war that has become so prevalent in our culture.  Violence has weight.  Violence has visible effect.  Shit goes down.

            If you haven't played this and you have any disposition to play a violent game that ridicules violent games it is shockingly cheap to pick up and well worth the time to play.  I would go so far as to make sure you play it first, then watch the videos I linked to in my first paragraph to make sure you get everything you can out of it.

  

Also, gorgeous setting in Dubai.

I review "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1" pt4 Finally

            While we are in the dungeon waiting for the worst characters in the movie series to come in and save the day I'll continue the review.

            Okay, can someone explain to me what is up with the wands?  They imply that there is some sort of magical connection between a wand and its user.  Since Lord V is imprinted on Harry they have twin wands, they each connect to that design and combination of magical ju-ju.  So how are they able to use other people's wands?  What is the advantage of using your own wand?

            Now let me bring this all the way back to my first complaint of Bellatrix.  Again, good actress, and the the problem isn't so much the character but how the character is used.  And the perfect example is at the 'heroes' lowest point in the movie.  They are captured and are being imprisoned and interrogated by Bellatrix, which is like a bull dog interrogating a canary, she doesn't ask questions, she just chews trying to get it to sing.  Bellatrix is stone stupid.  Harry has the most pathetic disguise they could throw over him, his face is puffy, and Bellatrix can't tell it's him.  He has the same scar, the same glasses, same voice, same height and coloring... Oh, and he is traveling with his two best friends, that like finding Batman with Superman and Wonder Woman, but he's wearing a red cape so the Joker can't tell it's him.  Bellatrix then commences to get her ass wrecked by an elf and some teenagers, getting a killing blow against the worst character in the franchise (Dobby, read "part 1", complaint two), and earning my love and respect.  Feelings you shouldn't have for the psycho antagonist.

And there is the pitch!  Oh!  She hit the batter square up in the face and he's down, yep... She killed him.  Today is a great day in baseball.

            Speaking of psycho antagonists.  How has no one tried to kill Lord V in his sleep?  The man is a monster.  A literal and figurative monster.  He supports ethnic superiority, rule through violence and bloodshed, and has no real management strategy beyond blaming minorities for problems.  Why are people following Lord V at all?  In fact, what is his ultimate goal?  He seems to want to kill Harry Potter, but why?  because Harry, having survived inexplicably in his youth is a symbol of hope to those he suppresses?  So what?  He's a teenage orphan that sheds supporting cast members like a leper sheds fingers.  Harry is lucky, but far from competent, yet he is orbited like he has value.  Why?

I'm not the first person to say that the Wands might just be a penis metaphor right?  Okay, then I won't go on a long pick it apart rant about how that makes perfect sense in a coming of age story, though the Sword makes that metaphor twice over.

            And another thing, nobody thought to go check the Malfoy residence, nobody thought that might be the headquarters of the bad guys?  Snape killed the headmaster of a prestigious private school, less than a year later he is the headmaster of that school, is this "The Highlander" franchise where killing someone gets you their power?  Why aren't the parents complaining about his?  Why isn't he wanted for murder?  Seriously, explain to me why Malfoy is walking free?  And that no one of authority bothered to look for him, at his fucking house.  Is this a British thing?  "Hey, um."  "Yes officer, did you want to search the grounds?"  "Well, yes as a matter of fact."  "Well, we're a bit busy could you stop by some other time?"  "Well, I suppose if you are busy.  What time would you like us to come by on our man hunt?"  "I don't know, my schedule is all over the place right now.  Could I just give you a call when you could come over and conduct your search for the man wanted for conspiracy to commit murder and treason?"  "Yeah just drop us a line when you aren't busy, no need to rush."  Who is running this place?

Yeah, nobody saw this sniveling little shit turning into a sniveling little shit villain in the future.  Christ he can't even kill a helpless old man with dignity.  Hey, if you disagree with Voldemort: defect.  Lord V is just going to fuck you and your whole social order over in the end anyway, he is a nihilistic sociopath and you sided with him... because?

            And a complaint that everyone has touched on, what was the deal with Hermione erasing her parents' memories?  As soon as I saw this happen I said to myself, "Aren't they going to wonder about all the empty frames around the house, not to mention the empty bedroom that they never filled with crap?  What about their neighbors?  "Didn't you have a daughter?  She went to boarding school, you brag about her being top of her class all the time?  What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about?"  Why wasn't Harry's step parents given the same treatment?  Hell, why weren't they given the same treatment in the first movie?  They are abusive shits and Harry should have been allowed to live and work at Hogwarts during the summer, learning to train animals with Hagrid and getting some sort of internship as a page at the Ministry or something.  Instead the school sends Harry back to the people who had him living under the stairs since he was a baby, and for whatever reason hate him but don't want him to go to boarding school.  They make no sense as characters and should have been dismissed as quickly as possible but are kept around for bland manufactured drama.

You just know the neighbors are going to end up calling the cops because they'll assume that these people killed their daughter and just want to cover it up and go on with their lives like psychos would hope to do.  It'd be like the ending to "Shutter Island" without all the competent acting.

            Well, That's all I could think of, but considering I saw it opening week, 5 and a half months ago, and not since... Well, the negative made an impression.  I guess that is part of the issue, The best character of the whole series has been Hogwarts and it wasn't in this movie.  A lot of the peripheral magical world was in "Deathly Hollows", but it was the extreme periphery, the wilderness and the muggle world.  The whole thing just came off as very dull and full of the bullshit angst that "Twilight" has forced into the genre of modern fantasy.  This series lost its spark, and much like I saw "The Revenge of the Sith" out of obligation to the "Star Wars" franchise, I'll see "Part II" out of obligation to this series though I only really liked two of the movies.  It is sad really, they had a built in audience so they took for granted the millions they would make and the hoard of apologists they would have fighting for them, so they made a mediocre film just to cash in an additional time when they could have wrapped this whole thing up by cutting out a lot of the nonsense.

            You all get that don't you?  That this movie was created specifically to make more money, not to give the prose room to breath on film.  That they realized this gravy train won't be ripe for remake for at least 10 years and that they needed to draw it out a little longer to savor the money flow.  This is a scam.  Whatever.

They don't look sad, he looks bored and she looks pensive.  I would say they are going to go on to very little acting wise, but with my luck this guy will be the next incarnation of "Doctor Who" and I'll grow to like him and be brainwashed into apologizing for this series of blogs

            Fuck me, are they camping again?!

I review "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1" pt3

            Hey they just broke camp... but they still have no plan aside from bitching at each other... I guess I'll continue this blog while little else is happening.  Idiots.

            This falls under the 'atmosphere that makes no sense' and the 'pointless scene' headers.  Why hasn't the town council had the half demolished house of Harry's dead parents torn down and a memorial put in?  The damn thing is gloomy and unseemly.  No one living in that neighborhood would want the grim reminder the night a white supremacist fire bombed their neighbor's house.  Yet there it stands along with all the snow and darkness and zero color.  Isn't this supposed to be a fun and magical coming of age story?

You mean to tell me that in the last 6 years since he was made aware of this magical world he never visited his parents grave?  No one, not even his dick headed mortal family thought that might be a good part of the grieving process?

            Okay, another MacGuffin, the book Dumbledore leaves Heromione, you know the bard book.  This collection of fables gives clues that lead to a creepy old woman that turns out to be a giant snake, and another book for them to read and find clues in.  Why did that old lady just turn into a snake?  Why did they leave the giant murderous reptile alive?  Cut its fucking head off.  It is a monster that eats people, no sane culture on this planet suffers man eating animals to live.  They're fucking dangerous.  And why is there a second book?  Just have all the clues in the first book, and cut this whole scene with the snake-woman out.  Oh, I forgot, we have to give the fans of the book their nerd boners.

If it is all the same to you, I've got productive things to do instead of watching a snake eat a woman while we circle jerk to the thought of how evil we all are.

            Speaking of crap that Dumbledore left in his will.  That golden snitch that Harry first grabbed at Hogwarts.  Apparently since he caught it the thing is keyed to his flesh memory, because for some reason no one else had handled it prior to Harry.  Why is flesh memory only being explained now? Cause it is being pulled out of the air.  Why is it so inconsistent?  Why is the skin of Harry's mouth different than the skin on his hands?  Does he have Chimera syndrome when different tissues of the body have different DNA?  This is stupid, and why does it reveal only writing when he first touches it to his mouth?  Its pretty clear another MacGuffin is in there, just crack the damn thing open.

Why the riddle?  If Harry is the only one who could get the message having a riddle only makes it harder on the good guys.  Literally at no point do the villains make any attempt to locate this object, they don't know what it is, or even that it exists or is of any importance.  So why the riddle?

            Speaking of throwbacks to older books, instead of a golden snitch and the absolutely ludicrous sport of quidditch we have the shape shifting potion.  How do you sneak into a government facility with a substance so common it has been a prominent plot point in at least three of these movies?  Shouldn't there be a level of security specifically for that?  A 'true form' field or something?  How is visual confirmation of a person's identity enough in a world of shape shifters?  Why is no one thinking to ask these questions?

How about we give Harry a potion so he looks like someone else?  That way instead of having eight decoys we instead just have one guy in disguise.  Or you know, just put everyone in mortal danger for the sake of a kid who's greatest quality is that he happened to not die as a baby.

            Speaking of breaking into a government facility, when they do break into the Ministry of Magic (a place which was just overthrown in a bloody coup mind you) there is a giant statue.  Where did they get that giant statue of muggles getting crushed by a big block?  Why did they install that on the first day of the new regime?  Why is it a corrupt government being so up front about how evil it is?  Why make a statue that shows living beings crushed under the weight of another society?  Did the wizard community not exist during World War II?  This is all part of a grander strategy of looking evil, because I guess murdering someone who is begging for their life isn't enough to establish the snake monster and his lackeys are evil, they need a statue to take pictures in front of.  This is again why I think Umbridge has been the best overall villain in this movie because her personality of thinly veiled menace and superiority is juxtaposed with her pink and inviting demeanor.  All the more that she looks out of place in front of the giant monument that might as well have white supremacy written on the side.

I used this picture once already, but it illustrates my point rather well.

            I guess we are done with camping, instead we are being locked in a dungeon.  Some heroes we have here... Idiots.

I review "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1" pt2

            Alright on the move again, maybe we're done with the camping long enough for something poignant to happen.

            Another nitpick there are a lot of wasted scenes in this movie.  Like the train scene.  A guy who looks like General Zod is standing on the tracks and stops the express to Hogwarts to inspect the train... Why is Neville on that train?  He is a known associate and collaborator who participated in Dumbledore's Army, shouldn't he have been on some sort of hit list?  You know, a list you hand to Bellatrix so she can entertain herself playing with entrails and not kill minions for shits and giggles.  What is more, why are they stopping the train at all?  Can't they just wait at Hogwarts?  The place is run by Snape now, you could hang out, have some tea, rather than flying to the middle of the countryside to stop a train that only has two stops.  Both of which you know and can be at.

KNEEL!  Before ZOD!

Also, not to harp too much on this, but this is the original image, dark and colorless and nearly imperceptible as anything other than a mess of shadows.

            Or here is another wasted scene, when Harry, Ron, and Hermione enter that hidden apartment that unfolds from the surrounding structure, its very dusty and unused, even though they were there like two movies ago and it seems like an obvious headquarters for the good guys to use.  When they enter that apartment a wisp of dust takes the form of a wrathful ghost of Dumbledore and charges the three and then vanishes... In the theater I said loud enough to be shushed, "The fuck was that?", and then Ron immediately says, "What was that all about?" and I laughed my ass off.  When the characters don't know why a random, never to be mentioned again scene is there, time to cut some fluff.

So this is here to scare off the local riff-raff who might break into the apartment?  The magically concealed apartment.

            Why is there a wedding in this movie?  The plot isn't crowded enough that we have to throw this random set piece in from the book?  If you want to show the growing strain between trying to live a happy life while in a shadow war there are ways to do it, like in the last movie when they burned down the Weasly's home, which was awesome... Funny how that house looks right as rain without mention of how they repaired it.  In fact that would have been a better illustration of the tension, trying to rebuild a home, which had been burned down by lunatics.  Really the wedding isn't the only unnecessary part, but showing Ron's eldest brother and his wife was pointless, they disappear quickly, existing solely to have a wedding, solely to set up the plot.  Why couldn't they have been married off screen?

Because if there is one thing that says, "sure to be exciting" is being a guest at your friend's brother's wedding.  Also, this image has been color enriched so it isn't a blob of darkness.

            Hey, why is the Prime Minister talking to three high schoolers about a high school principle's will?  Couldn't this part of the plot been handed off to Lupin or better yet Luna's father, giving him an actual reason to be there in the first act instead of just dropping him in cryptically, practically with a sign around his neck that says, 'Foreshadowing' (actually he was wearing his Deathly Hollows medallion if I remember correctly, so he was literally wearing a sign that said foreshadowing around his neck).

I'm so glad we got to spend 30 seconds with this guy so we could really feel for him when his betrayal came, as opposed to it feeling like a rushed and anti-climactic sub-plot swept aside for more camping scenes.

            Speaking of the Deathly Hollows, this series doesn't have enough MacGuffins and Dues Ex Machina flying around that we had to throw in 2 more (I say two because the cloak was in an earlier film and is thus an established device).  Isn't it funny how a stone that brings back the dead wasn't mentioned when Dumbledore died, or how no one mentioned or thought twice about burying Dumbledore with the most powerful magical item on the planet?  Little irresponsible to leave that WMD sitting in an unguarded crypt when a terrorist is running around looking for weapons he can easily get his hands on.  Its like storing a nuke at the Gettysburg memorial with no guard.

"Hey, you think we should even bother to put one of those Dumbledore ghosts that are made out of dust so as to scare off grave robbers?"  "No, you kidding.  Let's use the same security my paper boy uses: put a big rock on top of the thing."

            So Lord V has taken over the ministry in a bloody coup... Nobody going to say or do anything about that?  Just gonna go on about your business?  People have to know what is going on, they create a secret police for dragging people off to mock trials and they change who is in charge of Hogwarts... To the guy who murdered the last headmaster.  Nobody has any objection to what is happening, which I could buy if Lord V wasn't a literal monster and instead a nice guy who had a point, but he has no point.  Lord V wants to cleanse the wizard community of those who had muggle parents, I was under the impression that he had a muggle parent?  So, why isn't anyone confronting him about this?  How is he able to just take control without other groups opposing him?  Where are all the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff members of this society who think it might be a good idea to keep their own liberty?  Where are the Slytherin members who don't want Lord V in control, are Snape and Black the only two?  Bleh...

            MacGuffin, MacGuffin, who's got the MacGuffin?  Sword?  Anybody got the magical sword?  How about the medallion that drives you paranoid?  I dislike immensely that much of what needs to happen falls on items that have not been identified or explained until this late in the game, it screams of being out of ideas and pulling stuff out an orifice.  Why did Ron have a vision of Harry and Hermione fucking when he opened the Horcrux?  If Harry knew he could open the locket by speaking in snake tongue why did they pointlessly blast the thing with their wands when they first got it... HOW DID THEY HAPPEN TO FIND THAT SWORD?  Bad, bad plotting.

This happens.  It isn't subtle.  And it makes no sense. Because if you are trying to get somebody not to destroy you, showing them a picture of a guy doing his girlfriend is only gonna piss him off.

See?  And he's got the MacGuffin Sword cocked any ready to rock.

            And... They're camping again.  Urgh.... Fine, while they have a random dancing scene I'll contemplate what my next blog will consist of.

Make me a sandwich.