Initial Thoughts on "The X-Files"

            I have been for a little while working my way thru the “X-Files” on Netflix.  I did this because I remember disliking the series in my youth because of its confusing BS.  I know realize that the BS did not come until much later and was mostly concentrated in the “Mythology” of the series, the long ongoing plot of an alien conspiracy that never gave solid answers and logically should have wrapped up in season 6 but kept trucking a long time after the audience felt that it would ever really deliver.

            But, I digress.  I have been watching the series and overall really enjoy it, and I liked a few of the new episodes that were on Fox this year as part of a revival.  To that end I am going to look over some of the series and point out some of the highs and lows.  Before I dive into that though I would like to point out a broad observation that started to crystallize as I watched.

“The X-Files” Episode Categories.

            Different episodes of a show, especially a show with such a consistent mood tend to use certain standard ideas.  These help to outline and pitch stories to the producers.  Being a horror science fiction show with lots of police procedural aspects and romantic tension “The X-Files” has a lot of bleed in how it handles things.  Things start as a serial killer, but the killer uses telekinesis or is a shape shifter, is a for instance.

Watching the first couple of seasons I have noticed some broad categories.  They are not exclusive, plenty have elements of others but the focus of the story tends to be on one of these particular core elements.

Aliens… What the show is “about” in the broadest sense

            Is the government trying to kill you?  Have you seen strange lights in the sky?  Have you lost time?  Transmitters in your teeth?  Then Mulder and Scully need to talk to you.  This is also where the cyclones of BS start to swallow the show in later seasons.

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Balrog Infestation... the scientists dug too deeply and too greedily

            Are you a scientist or industrialist who wishes to explore the world for knowledge or profit?  Well get ready to be infected, eaten, or encounter that which man was not meant to know because for some damn reason there are horrible monsters living in the shadows and just beneath the skin (often literally).  Retroactively these stories make a lot of sense based on the nature of the shows aliens and how they have interacted with earth in the distant past.

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Brotherhood of Evil Mutants

            Are there a series of murders with a uniting theme and something that seems to be gross going on?  Then you are probably dealing with some horrible branch of the evolutionary tree, or the inevitable outcome of global climate change or the splitting of the atom.  While they are not always evil they are a slave to the dark instincts that exist within all of us.

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Frankenstein’s (Blank)

            Do you or someone you know wish to better the world thru science?  Get ready for that science to murder the shit out of you, me and everyone else because there is often a murderous instinct in the base code.  I don’t know why, but nobody seems to have read, “I, Robot” in this universe and refuses to program their creation with the very basic command of, “Do not harm the creator”.

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I am not saying it was magic.... But it was magic.

Ghosts?  The Afterlife?  Magic?

            Having nightmares of a past life?  Or are you seeing horrible things happen to the folks around you after a friend/loved one’s murder?  Who are you gonna call?  The FBI.  This is when things stop being about science and start going straight into the land of magic.

This is also an area in which the show starts to highlight how insane Mulder would be.  The man believes in everything.  You know, just because you believe in aliens doesn’t mean you believe in voodoo, ghosts, or werewolves right?  Thinking that there is enough evidence to believe in one thing does not mean you have faith that other seemingly equally crazy things also exist.

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How did this get here?

Just Some Asshole

            Rarely there is an instance in which there is no supernatural component.  This really should have happened much more frequently… But for some reason tracking down serial killers, the central conceit of nearly all other FBI procedural dramas is considered too boring.  I feel this is a missed opportunity as having Scully be right about something from time to time would have been good for the show, but here we are.

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This is actually a kid friendly version of the "X-Files" based on a series of books I read when I was a kid.  While it has budget issues the writing and acting are top notch and very funny.  If you want something lite to watch I recommend it.
It is also on Netflix.

Spooksville

            Are you in the middle of nowhere and follow a religion or lifestyle at odds with Midwest American values of the 90’s?  Then you are probably about to be involved in some kind of horrible conspiracy.  I guess Chris Cater grew up near a lot of gated communities that he just grew to dislike them.

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Wacky Comedy

            Numerous episodes play with expectations of the audience and use to differing effect the premise of the show to illicit a laugh at its own expense.  I tend to find these the strongest of all the episodes and they are the highlight of any season.

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Some Netflix Reviews

Four Movies I watched on Netflix this weekend while playing video games.

I ranked them chronologically.

(I also watched 13 episodes of "Sword Art Online" which is a strangely engaging).

            Three of these movies (all but "Monsters") came from recommendations from a critic I enjoy called Cecil Trachenburg, who has a show called "Good Bad Flicks" on the Agony Booth.  He tends to suggest movies that flopped in the box office or are relegated to the ghetto of genre fiction (lot of horror, sci-fi, and some fantasy).  Watch him.

"Strange Days" (1995)

6/10

            High concept science fiction about the idea of downloading other people's memories and experiencing things, like romance, lust, murder, or even the death of the person whose memories you are feeling.  This is also the "future" (2000) as envisioned by 1994, so HOLY COW RACISM.

            I feel like people should watch this movie because it is a really cool concept, it doesn't pull punches with violence or sex, it is engaging.  Problem is the super-super political bent that has nothing to do with the premise.  There are two plots that end up crashing into each other in a silly way, a murderer who forces his victims to watch their own murder thru his eyes with a live stream of his actions as he does them (AWESOME) the other has to do with finding the memories of a girl who saw police murder a very prominent rapper/community-organizer... and the potential resulting riots that might come of those memories going public (RODNEY KING, TOOKIE WILLIAMS, and TUPAC SHAKUR all in one).

            This movie has an interesting main character, a lot of cool tricks with mirrors and first person perspective, and a really good premise.... Crazy person plot.  there is also a mystery with enough real actors to make you wonder at who is doing stuff.  If they had focused on either the racial politics or the murder mystery the movie would have been infinitely better.  It is much like many movies nowadays in that it is two movies shoved together.

 

Awful poster.  Just fucking awful.

"Gattaca" (1997)

7/10

            This is a high concept science fiction movie about a world in which genetic engineering has allowed people to proof their children against genetic defects like color blindness, baldness, and heart defects, this also has the byproduct of making children "better" than their non-tailored counterparts, kids whose parents did not like mucking with their child's DNA.  This follows a guy who is trying to get into a space program and since he is not genetically engineered he is near sighted and has a heart defect, so he has to steal someone else's identity.

            This movie is interesting, there is a murder, it has a lot of commentary on society and how it likes to tamper with people... But it has a fundamental flaw with the premise.  The main character should not be an astronaut, he has a heart defect, that would DQ people from terrestrial jobs, let alone going into space where everyone depends on the person next to them to keep them safe.  He is putting others in danger for the sake of his pride.

            There is also a super-Orwell premise in this universe.  Much like Googling an employee to make sure they haven't been in the news for burglary, this movie makes DNA sequencing look like an ultra routine procedure that is required just to enter the building of the space program.  They also over emphasize certain things, like all of the people who are not engineered are relegated to janitors because of discrimination, but that only makes sense to a point.  I can understand not letting the heart defect guy going into space, but he is still a genius with laser like mental focus, he could work as an astrophysicist on Earth.  So the idea of him working as a janitor is silly.  You have the technology to scan a person's DNA every time they enter the building like they were swiping a key card, but you don't have Rhombus?  The point of advancing technology like this is to make people do less work, not to strata people... There is also not a lot of minorities in the movie, which I guess is supposed to be a subtle thing... Maybe?  It is worth watching because it has some positive messages about putting unfair expectations on children, discrimination, and... the positive aspects of identity theft.

 

Bad poster, with three more faces.  Here is some fan art for comparison.

"The Skeleton Key" (2005)

7/10

            Southern Gothic Horror.  A hospice worker goes to help take care of an elderly stroke victim and gets caught up in a Hoodoo plot to... Something.  The plot twists and twists, and the ultimate end of them story is a rather nice change of pace from my typical fair.  It is not incredibly scary, but there is a cat and mouse game, and tiny little revelations of information that add up (in my opinion they added up, I was not giving this the full dissection treatment as I was playing "Age of Empires" while watching, maybe I missed a glaring plot hole).

            I could definitely see some "spell it out" writing at certain times.  A character does something that is a twist, the protagonist says what she thinks is happening, that way the audience has a temporary, "Oh, that's what's happening".  Having the audience just watch what is happening and thinking about it would be too complicated, got to make sure the popcorn munching masses can follow along.  Though I was legitimately surprised by the end... So I would recommend it.

 

Slightly better poster, but with that annoying floating head looking gormless.
And you of course need an eye, can't be a horror movie without eye imagery.

"Monsters" (2010)

6/10

            Mexico is infested with Old Ones.  Monstrous Spider-Squid-Fungus that have wrecked all kinds of shit.  The US has built a wall (the largest structure ever built by man) to keep the monsters out, but has left Mexico a war zone as the military tries to keep the damn things from spreading.  That is the backdrop, the main characters are a photographer (war correspondent) tasked with retrieving and getting home with his boss' daughter.  The two of them are damaged and taking a tour of the Monster infested Mexican countryside.

            This is the movie that got its director his job making the 2014 "Godzilla".  I liked "Monsters" a lot more.  The issues with this one have more to do with budget than characters.  The two protagonists are fine, they emote well, have depth, they have a goal.  They are in a situation that is perilous.  The movie does not have the money to show a lot of monster action.

            I hated the cutaways from action in "Godzilla" because that was what I was there to see, instead the movie was cluttered with boring and meaningless humans who accomplished nothing.  This movie is about characters with the backdrop of monsters.  The monsters are not really what I am there for.  you could replace monsters with a flood, a tsunami, or a war and you would get the same story... The difference would be that the metaphor would not be a metaphor, it would just be a movie about the thing.

            The monsters in this movie (I think) are a metaphor for the drug war.  Mexico is torn apart, America builds a wall, but American intervention and conflict stirs up the monsters even more.  In that context this story (while preachy) is on point.  "Godzilla" had no such coherent undercurrent, and thus sucked more, though it had the money to do more.

            Monsters will probably bore most people to tears because (like I said) the budget is small, so there are some bad actors, there are seems showing on some special effects, a lot of the money shots are off screen.  If they had the money to show more stuff and better actors it would have been an 8.  If it had done that and not been as preachy it would have been a 10.  It might still be worth watching if you like slow burn stuff, like the original "Nightmare on Elm Street" for instance.

 

More dynamic poster.  Kind of "District 9" -ish, but somewhat humanized by the leads.

Movies of 2013, Apocalypses, pt1

Apocalypse Films (or "What is the Dumbest Thing I have seen all Year?")

            Strangely, the end of the world was its own genre this year with a half dozen examples I managed to see.  Most having to do with some kind of giant monster, alien invasion, or zombies taking over... I guess the alien invasion of bland unfeeling robots could be a form of zombie too... Regardless it was its own thing outside of Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, or Action and so I will review the 6 I saw.  This is the first 3.

Pacific Rim, or "I can't Really Complain, I knew what the Premise of the Movie Was."

Overall: 6/10

I also find it funny that the main robot's name is Gypsy Danger, initials are GD, or "God Damn".

            There is nothing really surprising about this movie.  It is Power Rangers for grown ups with giant robots and giant monsters, a distant alien threat, a wise mentor figure, goofy comic relief, and martial arts sequences.  It is stone stupid.  However, it is extremely sincere in its stupidity, it is about fun, teamwork, and action, it is not, by any measure, a bad movie, and as a special effects triumph it is definitely worth watching.

            There are parts when they talk about how the giant monsters have the same DNA and are mass produced clones sent to attack Earth, this makes no sense because each monster looks totally different from one another, giant Crawfish, ape like, acid spitting, winged, tentacles, or able to fire off EMP blasts.  These are not clones.  There is also a heavy handed environmental message, and a tie into dinosaurs that is insulting to the audience.

            See if you were to create a defense against giant monsters that always appeared from the same area the answer is pretty obvious.  Turrets.  You set them up around the portal and whenever something emerges it is immediately bombarded into fish food.  Their poisonous bio mass gets washed away into the ocean, so I guess we could also set up some sort of filtering mechanism... Point is, robots are a preposterous idea.  But since the movie is about giant robots fighting giant monsters you just swallow that part of the stupid equation for the sake of fun.

            Additional problems: The characters are very stock, but that is to be expected because they want the audience to focus on the Giant Monsters aspect of things and having complex political social dynamics would just eat up time without really adding.

            Additional blessing: the movie ends with a literal Jaeger-Bomb.  I found that funnier than I should have.

This is the End, or "Surprisingly effective set-up and pay off."

Overall: 5/10

It also continues the trend of advertising comedies by just advertising the stars rather than the content.

            I can't really say that I hate this movie, it has a lot of real problems with scenes dragging on too long as, what I am assuming is improv, goes on and on well past the point in which it was funny.  And to some people that is hilarious just watching good comedic entities bounce off one another but really it just needs to be a little sharper.

            The movie does a good job with set up and pay off, having little lines of dialogue referencing people and then having them show up later in a surprisingly twisted way, or saying that a plot point should happen in a movie the characters are working on, and then having it happen in reality like some meta eternal recurrence type thing.  The effects are often amazing, with demons, heavenly light, death and destruction, and possession.

            Strangely the biggest issue I have with the movie is that I was having more fun just at some stoner-celebrity party than I did watching them in the apocalypse, the humor takes a step down once the plot gets going, and I ended up missing the interaction with all the other stars that were in the movie like Jason Segel and Mindy Kaling.  It is fine enough.

Warm Bodies, or "That's the Power of Love?"

Overall: 5/10

I guess it can be a little difficult to have banter between the leads when one can't speak... Parody?

            My seeing this movie was subsidized by a friend.  I wanted t wait till it hit the bargain theater in a week and save $3, and they wanted to see it that day, so they gave me the difference in ticket price.  Which is nice.

            In a universe which has been over run by zombies... you know, say what you will about Superhero movies all being the same, but compared to the monotone zombie films that are everywhere Hulk and Thor might as well be different genres... in a world destroyed by zombies one zombie clings to the idea of being human, and when he ingests the brains (and with the the memories) of a living girl's boyfriend he falls in love and slowly starts to transform into a human again.

            I like the actors, I even like the premise, but let me be clear, the movie is not funny or fast paced enough for me to have been swept up in it.  It is just okay.  It is stupid and takes its metaphor to such a Nth degree that nobody is left confused or frustrated by it.  But ultimately it is not comedic, romantic, horrific, or action packed enough to really hit me.  It gets a solid, "meh".