Dungeons and Dragons, "My Favorite Fiends"

Standard Introduction

            I have been writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge.  As I have done those a couple times before it seemed remiss not to jump on this one.

            If you want here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).

Day 14- My Favorite Fiends

            There are 10,000 monsters in this gods damned game.  Expect several top 5 lists this week as there are not too many specific “favorites” more like “preferred”.  Today is Evil Outsiders.  That will primarily mean Demons, Devils, and Yugoloths.

            Really, any one of those species of evil could have its own top 5 and there are evil monsters in the multiverse that aren’t of those groups.  This is a massive category.  I considered just talking about the biggest of the big evil outsiders, with Demonic Princes and the Dukes of Hell, but in my perspective, those tend to have too much coverage and emphasis.  Better to, again, look at those monsters that lend themselves to interesting encounters, interesting long term villainy, or just have the coolest looks to them.

            DOUBLE TWIST, while writing this I decided to only do a Top 3 and then do a heavy discussion about 2 “Dishonorable Mentions” because I think there is something that needs to be talked about.

            Let’s go.

 

This is a Vrock.  A Vulture Demon.

#3: Vrock

            They fly, they have spores, they look like the Skeksis from “Dark Crystal”, and they scream so loud it physically stuns people.  In 3^rd edition a group of them working together could create a lighting explosion.  What more could you want from a giant demonic vulture thing?  Cause they kind of cornered the market on weirdness.

Anyone else recall the "Dark Crystal"?
It was alright.  Little too much enamored with the novelty of an all puppet movie.

            Like most demons, Vrocks are dumb and guided entirely by self-interest to the point of self-destructive behavior.  I have used them in the past but never to great effect.  I think that getting rid of the lightning explosion for 4^th and 5^th edition was a wise move, it was a distracting ability pulling them away from the more interesting shrieking and spore blasting.

This is a Kyton.  They look awesome.

#2: Kyton (Chain Devil)

            This one owes a lot of its success to the cool art.  Chains have numerous connotations related to domination both of one’s self and others.  At the same time chains are analogous to sins, heavy and forged link by link (am I the only person who remembers Jacob Marley’s speech to Ebenezer Scrooge about why his ghost was covered in chains?).  There is also just the general kinkiness factor, I was surprised not to see all that much fan artwork of the Chain Devil while pondering this blog entry.

            The Kyton in 5^th edition is all about making lots of attacks from numerous points around the room by animating chains.  Like a cenobite from “Hellraiser” the chains become barbed and reach out to touch people.  They can also make scary faces to frighten the PC’s, either by appearing as a loved one or hated enemy, I kind of like that idea, the idea that your loved one ended up in a kink dungeon in Hell and is now trying to kill you is kind of awesome.

I would like to make a suggestion that this sort of head cage should be used in future Kyton images.
This seems like an obvious way for the whole "face of a loved one" could appear.

            4^th edition kind of stands apart in that he was more about moving around with lots of attacks but I want to say that all iterations are missing something I always assumed they had: A Climb speed.  I guess when I pictured these guys I see them as swinging from chain to chain, the chains hanging from a place so high up that you can’t see it, and going down so low that the bottom is cloaked in darkness, their victims twisted up in chains like flies in spider silk.  Oh well, my mistake.

 

This is a "Horned Devil".
Because if there is one trait that would be unique enough to comment on with DEVILS, it is the horns thing.
No other Devil would have those.

#1: Horned/War Devil (Cornugon/Malebranche)

            This guy has an interesting journey that consists primarily of being a big dude with a trident.  His art ALWAYS looks awesome and that is really all I care about in regards to him.  He is a big, solid boss monster that looks cool.

            I have no idea why the names of this thing are so all over the place.  In 3e it is a Horned Devil (Cornugon), in 4e it is a War Devil (Malebranche), and in 5e it is a Horned Devil (Malebranche).  I guess when 6e rolls/roles around (I am guessing around 2022) it will be the War Devil (Cornugon).

This is a Sex Demon.
This will be uncomfortable to talk about.
Feel free to tell me I do not know what I am on about.

Dishonorable Mentions (Cause Demons): Succubus and Incubus

            Yes, I need to talk about the personification of sexual “seduction” that was a Demon in 3^rd edition, a devil in 4^th edition, and in 5^th… they “play for both teams”.  The Succubus is now not just a sexy lady, but can also be a sexy fella in the form of an Incubus.  I think this might illicit some criticism in the form of, “Depraved Bisexual”.  I don’t think it does, but only because there are so many pansexual and bi-sexual characters like Queen Morwel and arguably the rather gender ambiguous nature of the Elf gods.  Instead I want to talk about a different issue that I feel is not clearly appreciated.

            In 3^rd edition the Incubus was a separate demon from the Succubus.  Making them one creature which has a term for their female and male manifestations is a change for 5^th edition… Holy shit is it a change.  And that is the thing I want to talk about.  Cause it is something that kind of bothers me!  Like more than I realized when I started writing this blog about demons.

            Let’s all take a look at Dragon magazine #353 from March 2007, it was a month that featured a cover illustration and focused article on the Demon Ruler of the Succubi and on page 33 they had the 3e version of the Incubi.  I will take an image DIRECTLY from there along with the relevant roleplaying information.  (Click for Full Size).

            YEESH!

            “The Incubus is a physical manifestation of male sexuality given human form… Whereas Succubi seduce their victims… Incubi see what they want and take it by force.”  They are RAPE DEMONS.  OH MY!  Hash tag “Not all Demons” I suppose.

            Take a look at the combat description too.  “They gang up on single targets… Most incubi fight with a single longsword, often using the weapon with both hands to strike their foes.”  I can't be the only one thinking about that classroom scene from "The Wicker Man"?

Phallic Symbol! Phallic symbol!

            Woof!  Am I the one reading into this too much?  I think the writer might not have thought it out enough.  2007, a shockingly different era now that I think about it.  Here is the thing though: The Succubus kissing someone into a mind controlled stupor and then having sex with them, that is also a rape demon!  It is just more of a date rape demon.

            This is one of those things that I sometimes feel people do not appreciate when talking about these things in modern myth.  It is not good to be held down and fucked to death.  I find it strange that I have to be so blunt, but these things keep cropping up in pop fiction.  Morrigan from “Darkstalkers” being the best example, but there are others, especially in anime.  These things that portray the succubus as unironically seductive.  That is messed up.

            They are evil.  They manipulate, use, and destroy things.  And, you know, rape, lots and lots of rape.  It’s an icky villain.  I would recommend not using them.  Because, they’re role is INTENSELY misunderstood and weird.

 

Although... If that is what you are going for and you go for it hard enough.

Coming Tomorrow

            Tomorrow I am going to talk about Celestials.

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Movies of 2013, Apocalypses, pt1

Apocalypse Films (or "What is the Dumbest Thing I have seen all Year?")

            Strangely, the end of the world was its own genre this year with a half dozen examples I managed to see.  Most having to do with some kind of giant monster, alien invasion, or zombies taking over... I guess the alien invasion of bland unfeeling robots could be a form of zombie too... Regardless it was its own thing outside of Fantasy, Horror, Science Fiction, or Action and so I will review the 6 I saw.  This is the first 3.

Pacific Rim, or "I can't Really Complain, I knew what the Premise of the Movie Was."

Overall: 6/10

I also find it funny that the main robot's name is Gypsy Danger, initials are GD, or "God Damn".

            There is nothing really surprising about this movie.  It is Power Rangers for grown ups with giant robots and giant monsters, a distant alien threat, a wise mentor figure, goofy comic relief, and martial arts sequences.  It is stone stupid.  However, it is extremely sincere in its stupidity, it is about fun, teamwork, and action, it is not, by any measure, a bad movie, and as a special effects triumph it is definitely worth watching.

            There are parts when they talk about how the giant monsters have the same DNA and are mass produced clones sent to attack Earth, this makes no sense because each monster looks totally different from one another, giant Crawfish, ape like, acid spitting, winged, tentacles, or able to fire off EMP blasts.  These are not clones.  There is also a heavy handed environmental message, and a tie into dinosaurs that is insulting to the audience.

            See if you were to create a defense against giant monsters that always appeared from the same area the answer is pretty obvious.  Turrets.  You set them up around the portal and whenever something emerges it is immediately bombarded into fish food.  Their poisonous bio mass gets washed away into the ocean, so I guess we could also set up some sort of filtering mechanism... Point is, robots are a preposterous idea.  But since the movie is about giant robots fighting giant monsters you just swallow that part of the stupid equation for the sake of fun.

            Additional problems: The characters are very stock, but that is to be expected because they want the audience to focus on the Giant Monsters aspect of things and having complex political social dynamics would just eat up time without really adding.

            Additional blessing: the movie ends with a literal Jaeger-Bomb.  I found that funnier than I should have.

This is the End, or "Surprisingly effective set-up and pay off."

Overall: 5/10

It also continues the trend of advertising comedies by just advertising the stars rather than the content.

            I can't really say that I hate this movie, it has a lot of real problems with scenes dragging on too long as, what I am assuming is improv, goes on and on well past the point in which it was funny.  And to some people that is hilarious just watching good comedic entities bounce off one another but really it just needs to be a little sharper.

            The movie does a good job with set up and pay off, having little lines of dialogue referencing people and then having them show up later in a surprisingly twisted way, or saying that a plot point should happen in a movie the characters are working on, and then having it happen in reality like some meta eternal recurrence type thing.  The effects are often amazing, with demons, heavenly light, death and destruction, and possession.

            Strangely the biggest issue I have with the movie is that I was having more fun just at some stoner-celebrity party than I did watching them in the apocalypse, the humor takes a step down once the plot gets going, and I ended up missing the interaction with all the other stars that were in the movie like Jason Segel and Mindy Kaling.  It is fine enough.

Warm Bodies, or "That's the Power of Love?"

Overall: 5/10

I guess it can be a little difficult to have banter between the leads when one can't speak... Parody?

            My seeing this movie was subsidized by a friend.  I wanted t wait till it hit the bargain theater in a week and save $3, and they wanted to see it that day, so they gave me the difference in ticket price.  Which is nice.

            In a universe which has been over run by zombies... you know, say what you will about Superhero movies all being the same, but compared to the monotone zombie films that are everywhere Hulk and Thor might as well be different genres... in a world destroyed by zombies one zombie clings to the idea of being human, and when he ingests the brains (and with the the memories) of a living girl's boyfriend he falls in love and slowly starts to transform into a human again.

            I like the actors, I even like the premise, but let me be clear, the movie is not funny or fast paced enough for me to have been swept up in it.  It is just okay.  It is stupid and takes its metaphor to such a Nth degree that nobody is left confused or frustrated by it.  But ultimately it is not comedic, romantic, horrific, or action packed enough to really hit me.  It gets a solid, "meh".