5 Random Thoughts

            I had 5 random thoughts over the course of the last couple weeks and rather than just let them float away because I couldn’t work them into anything larger I figured I would just slap them down here to hammer at them a bit.  In order of complexity.

Idea Number 1: Talking about Marvel Movies

            Marvel should have made a “Thanos” movie before they did “Avengers: Infinity War”.  Aside from being a constant looming threat for years and clearly being super powerful from what is shown in the trailers and his reputation, Thanos as a character has not been explored.

The Description of "He is powerful and just... like... The Worst" can only take you so far.

            I am sure that “Infinity War” would be a perfect place to explore him as a character, but considering that movie will have something like 40 heroes and a half dozen supporting villains to Thanos, there is not going to be enough time.  While I am confident of the Russo Brothers abilities to make a fun and entertaining movie, I can also envision this movie being the latest to have a villain that is powerful, built up, and ultimately a let down (see Malakith and Ronan for Further examples).

            Besides, having a movie from the perspective of a bad guy trying to pull off the creation of a literal doomsday weapon is cool.  I even know how you could structure the movie’s acts.

Act one (maybe even the prologue) being Thanos taking the Reality stone from the Collector.  Act two he battles the Nova Corp and kills Glenn Close’s Nova Prime, taking the Power stone.  The final act he confronts a cosmic being, it could be Galactus, the Living Tribunal, or Eon.

The cosmic being attacks Thanos on a personal level, delving into WHY Thanos is after the gems, and revealing that the cosmic entity is able to see into Purple Puss so completely because they have the previously unseen Soul stone.  Thanos is then given the Soul stone, because the cosmic being knows what Thanos will accomplish with it (inevitable failure because of Thanos canonical inferiority complex, not telling the audience this, they will be left thinking that even the god like celestial being has abandoned the universe to its fate).

Then you could move into “Infinity War” with the three remaining stones, Mind, Time, and Space on Earth (or the Asgard refugee ship in the case of the Space stone).  “We have one advantage,” says Tony Stark.  “We have what he wants, and we know that he is coming for it.”

Idea Number 2: Another thing about Marvel Movies

            Recently Fox Studios, the company that owned the movie rights to both the X-Men and the Fantastic Four were bought up by Disney, who at this point has almost reunited all of the Marvel IP under one production house.

            This is cool/terrifying news as more quality movies will be made with characters and premises that I like by a company that is insanely rich, powerful, and loved.  All hail Disney?

            Regardless I would like to draw your attention to the movie poster for “Avengers: Infinity War”.

More specifically I want you to pay attention to the shape of the “A” and the fact that it is kind of shaped a lot like a “4”.

I probably could have put more work into that "4"... But then again, Fox Studios could have too.

Add to that Marvel moved up the release date of the movie from its original May release date to April… the 4^th month.  And when they did so, the move was described as “Fantastic”.

That’s a FANTASTIC idea! Done.

Avengers: #InfinityWar in theaters everywhere April 27th. pic.twitter.com/n5JhJWpnqc

— Marvel Studios (@MarvelStudios) March 1, 2018

This is super thin conspiracy theory stuff… It is also totally something Marvel would do, because NERDS.

I mean, it is not like they are re releasing the comic too.
With star writer Dan Slott fresh from his career defining work on Spiderman.
I don't make too many predictions, and they are often wrong.

Idea Number 3: A short little comedy sketch

My brother and I have great conversations. I can see why we are so popular.

"How do you even get to be the world's greatest mime?" I asked.

"He was able to sit in an invisible chair," said my brother. "While propping his feet up on an invisible ottoman."

            "He's magic," I said.

            "Unfortunately, he died tragically young," my brother continued. "Cancer from smoking all those invisible cigarettes."

            "Invisible cancer," I replied. "Very hard to treat."

            I told this to my other friend a bit later and he added, “I'd love to go pay my respects, but his headstone is so hard to find.”

This is perhaps the world's most evil mime.  Perhaps.

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Idea Number 4: Domestic Terrorism

The FBI cornered a cowardly domestic terrorist the other day and the asshole blew himself up. When asked about this, the terrorist’s neighbor said, "I'm hoping that it's all over. It's crazy to think he lived right down the street. This is a really quiet neighborhood, like one of the safest cities to live in and it's insane that this guy lived here."

            Maybe it is just my brief time in law enforcement, but I never understand when people say things like this.  Where do these people think terrorists like this live? The moon? The space between spaces? Des Moines?

Idea Number 5: Violence in Video Games

In case you hadn't heard, the White House posted a video showcasing "Video Game Violence".

This is a stupid thing to do for a number of reasons, but I will point to only two of them... because I find these two to be funny.

First issue, most of these clips (I haven’t counted and sourced them all, I am eyeballing this) come from a series called "Call of Duty" which is a game series depicting Warfare. Aside from it being an occasionally fun series and extremely popular, it also encapsulates a strange pick for saying "Video Games are Violent" because the thesis statement of the whole series could boil down to "War is violent, GUNS are violent".

Second and sillier thing, one of the most notorious missions in the ENTIRE "Call of Duty" series is a mission called "No Russian", which is (of course) featured in the video.  In this mission an American operative is framed for a terrorist attack on a Russian airport.

So, and here is the funny part, Even President Trump's bone headed references to an industry he does not understand CONTAINS TIES TO RUSSIA.

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My thoughts on "Avengers: Age of Ultron"

            A whole that is not as great as the sum of its parts.  Really ironic all things considered.  Much like my issues with “The Amazing Spiderman 2” this seems more like multiple scripts put together as there is stuff that just does not have to be in there.  Since this is one of the most watched movies of the year and came out months and months ago I feel comfortable talking about numerous issues at once and will be moving between them freely, kind of like how I reviewed “X-Men: Days of Future Past” (which also had a robot apocalypse as its plot… and it’s sequel will have an Apocalypse apocalypse).  There are SPOILERS thru out this review and that cannot be avoided.

            Why is Ultron Magneto?  In the comics Magneto has three children: a green haired woman with magnet powers, Polaris; a silver haired guy with super speed, Quicksilver (Pietro); and a red headed magic user, Scarlet Witch (Wanda).  In the comics all of Magneto’s children realize that he is dangerous and join superhero teams to thwart him, Polaris joins the X-Men while Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch join the Avengers.  In this movie, Ultron talks frequently about evolution, humanity’s need to change, and talks to Wanda and Pietro in terms of being rejected.  Their ultimately turning against Ultron makes him act very hurt and betrayed.  There is also a scene of Ultron using magnetic powers to pull and toss Iron Man.  I feel like this script would have worked better with Magneto in the role of Ultron… Or they should have done away with Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver.

            Wanda and Pietro are kind of useless to the narrative.  They are colorful goons for Ultron and they ultimately turn to heroes when they see how he wants to kill everyone, but their role in the story could have just been played by Vision.  Have Ultron create Vision after escaping Avenger’s tower and he fills the same role in the story as Wanda, using the mind gem to drive all the Avenger’s into strange VISIONS of their own nightmares and turning the Hulk into a rampaging monster in Africa.  As the movie continues have Vision be defeated by Thor, have Ultron carry him off and put him into that pod, the movie could then continue mostly unchanged, as the Avengers capture the pod, download Jarvis into it, rewriting Vision as a good guy.

            Thor’s side quest to be shirtless in a pool of water was a waste of screen time, by having him fight Vision or Ultron in the middle of the movie (like I talked about in the previous paragraph) he would have been put to better use.

Though Marvel might have it in his contract that they must have a shirtless scene with Hemsworth.  The man lives on nothing but white rice and lean chicken for months at a time, have to make the most of that.

            While having Wanda and Pietro in the movie was unnecessary but if they had been taken out we would have missed out on the best scene in the movie, Hawkeye being the team’s dad figure.

            “Hey, look at me.  It’s your fault, it’s everyone’s fault, who cares?  Are you up for this?  Are you?  Look, I need to know because the city is flying.  Okay?  The city is flying, we are fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense.  But, I am going back out there because it is my job. Okay?  And I can’t do my job and baby sit.  It doesn’t matter what you did or where you were.  If you go out there,you fight.  And you fight to kill.  Stay in here, you’re good.  I’ll send your brother to come find you.  But if you step out that door, you are an Avenger.”

            I can picture in my mind a younger version of Clint giving a similar speech to a younger version of Black Widow, saying instead, “You step out that door you are a SHIELD agent.”  And contextualizing that speech and what we know about how he has a family you can picture him using he skills as a field operative as a dad, and his skills as a dad in the field.  He greatly deepens his character.

            Tony Stark is TOTALLY CORRECT in trying to create Ultron. Captain America is ENTIRELY WRONG in trying to stop it.  Earth is under threat of alien invasion at all times and since Thor refuses to let Earth utilize the Tesseract (Cosmic Cube) to build ray guns and other super weapons, Earth will be at a hopeless disadvantage should a full fleet of alien ships come and attack.  Constructing a legion of robots that are capable of repelling such an eminent threat should be a top priority before it shows up again, waiting until the attack comes is not a winning strategy, and relying entirely on the Avengers to protect Earth is a foolish decision on the part of Captain America, and one he should in no way be in charge of making as he is a tactical genius, not a strategic one.  We cannot count on Thor and Asgard to protect us from someone like Ronan or Malakith, who were only defeated by the slimmest of margins.

            Vision is awesome.  I like his look, I like Paul Bettany in the role, I like how Jarvis became Vision, the only problem I have with Vision is that he was not in more of the movie.

            This movie is too long, especially the action scenes which often go on for such a long time that I start to get bored by them, which is a shame because they are all so good, that had they each been the final highlight fight of another movie I feel they would have worked better.  By the time we get to the flying city I am so tired from all the action that the whole final act drags for me.

            Unfortunately Hulk and Black Widow’s romantic subplot does not get enough time.  I saw it in the first movie more than most people (for some reason people thought Hawkeye and her, but I never saw that, do those people just not have friends of the opposite sex?)  And since they are both living weapons as a result of outside forces compelling them to become such monstrous things I think they make a good match to one another narratively.

            I would also like to point out and underline: TONY DID NOT CREATE ULTRON.  He and Bruce were not in the room when the machine switched itself on.  The OS they were using to create Ultron was taken from Loki’s scepter, which in turn was (most likely) created by Thanos.  Thanos is in love with Death, and the idea that the software he used for the scepter would be an artificial intelligence bent on omnicide makes sense.  Sure Ultron was the name of the robot legion Tony wanted to create, but it is pretty clear Thanos was the guy who got the ball rolling on all of this.  Just like you can’t blame Hulk for being mind-controlled to rampage, you can’t blame Tony because his robots were high jacked by a killer alien computer (especially because he left it turned off).

For some reason this has become the most used image of Ultron afterword.
Which just looks like he is about to give the audience the finger.

            Pepper Potts and Jane Foster should have made guest appearances in this movie.  What is the problem?  The script is already bloated but you don’t have time for existing valuable supporting characters?  Just drop hints that they might get their own powers because in the comics they both end up doing just that.  Pepper gets a suit of armor and becomes Rescue, a super hero who specializes in fighting natural disasters.  Jane gains the ability to wield Mjolnir and becomes THOR, while Thor becomes Odinson… Which is stupid on several levels as his name is Thor, but whatever.

            As I mentioned in my Predictions for future Marvel movies, I do not think Vision destroyed Ultron, and instead Ultron is trapped in the Mind Gem on Vision’s forehead.

Score: 6/10

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Predictions for Marvel Movies

            I occasionally make predictions about plot points, character moments, or jokes that will appear in Marvel movies because I have read a bunch of comics and a lot of media that was produced by the movie’s creative teams.  I especially like the “Language” joke from “Avengers: Age of Ultron”, though if it had been up to me I would have had it be more of a running gag, with Cap unironically asking others around him to not curse… but then being put into a situation that seems so hopeless or dangerous that he says “fuck” in a dissatisfied tone and everyone looks at him shocked, and he says something like, “Sometimes language is called for.  I was in the army.  I met Patton once.”  But the idea of the F-word ever making it into a Marvel production is the day I pilot a robot suit to battle the forces of evil.

            Regardless I have been seeing some patterns in the movies and I have two predictions I want to put out there so I can feel smug when I am proven right, or smug when people tell me my ideas would have been more interesting than what actually happened.  I was partially correct the last time I did this with X-Men, but not so much as to feel a sense of psychic link with the creative staff.  Maybe this time I will strike creative oil.

Prediction 1 (AKA, the least complicated one): “Guardians of the Galaxy 2”

            In the comics Drax has a daughter, the superhero known as Moondragon.  A bald psychic bi-sexual (those are seriously the three largest aspects of her persona) who has been an Avenger and a member of the super team Infinity Watch (a group that uses and protects the Infinity Stones, the things the Marvel movie universe has been about since Thanos showed up trying to get the blue cube in “Avengers”).

            In “Guardians of the Galaxy” Drax mentions that he had a family that was murdered by Ronan, but that Thanos was pulling the strings and was really responsible for his family’s deaths.  We also establish that Thanos has a habit of adopting the daughters of families he has murdered, both the bald blue psycho cyborg, Nebula and the mean green killing machine turned Guardian, Gamora were raised by Thanos to be agents of his murderous will.

I think that Moondragon is Drax’s daughter, she is alive, and I think that Thanos raised her to be his bald psychic evil servant.

We might also want to aim for a more dignified costume.

Tim Gunn has already talked about how he wants the next movie to be about fatherhood, “At its heart, Guardians is a story about families, and if the first film was about him and his mother,this is a story about fathers. So it's exciting to go there."  Which most have taken to mean the obvious, that we will meet Star Lord’s mysterious alien father, who will probably either be Adam Warlock (super hero leader of the Infinity Watch in the comics) or his father in the comics, J’Son of Spartax (leader of a space empire that is trying to incorporate Earth under his control to, presumably take control of its superhero population).
            But when you take all of the elements together, first meeting Star Lord’s father, then having Thanos be the villain (as he is Gamora’s father), and then having Drax meet his daughter whom he thought lost… that would be several strong parallels.  Then you have Groot say, "I am Groot" to break up this Maury Povich drama.

 

Sub-header: "Cause everyone saw the first one."

Prediction 2: “Avengers: Infinity War” parts 1 and 2

            The Infinity war involves the retrieval and use of the 6 Infinity Gems, each containing power over an abstract concept: Space, Time, Reality, Power, Mind, and Soul.  When assembled they create the Infinity Gauntlet, allowing for the wearer to control all of existence, Thanos manages this feat in the comic and kills half the universe, only being stopped by luck and stupidity.  There is a scene in which he kills all of the Avengers by hand.

A story in which Thor is turned to glass, Iron Man is decapitated, and Cyclopes is suffocated.

            We have so far seen 4 of the gems.  Space, which is the cube in “Captain America: The First Avenger” which killed the Red Skull, and then later showed up in “Avengers”, now it is currently in the vaults of Asgard.  Reality, which was used by the dark Elf Malakith in “Thor: The Dark World” and is currently in the Collector’s possession on Know-Where.  Power, used to destroy Ronan in “Guardians of the Galaxy”, and is currently under the protection of the Nova Corp on Xandar.  And lastly we have the Mind gem, used by Vision to finish off Ultron during “Avengers: The Age of Ultron”, it is on Earth in the possession of Vision.  The other two, Soul and Time will probably be introduced in “Doctor Strange” (Soul more than likely) and one of the other movies (“Black Panther”, “Captain Marvel”, or “Inhumans”… it could be any of them, though I am betting on Inhumans, having the ancient race of monster people transported thru time to modern day would be a good use of the gem).

            In each instance so far the gems have been used by or against villains and that has resulted in their destruction: Ultron, Malakith, Red Skull, and Ronan.  I predict this trend will continue with the other two gems.  I also predict that Thanos will get all 6 gems in the Gauntlet.  And lastly I predict that when the Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Inhumans, and other heroes team up to fight Thanos… Thanos will use the Gauntlet to summon a team of bad guys to help him fight the heroes, those bad guys that were all killed by the gems will come back to fight the heroes.

Side note: STOP KILLING OFF ALL THE BAD GUYS.  There are lots of stories that can be told with them and you are shutting the doors too quickly.  Too many Iron Man villains are gone for good and it is a waste.

Red Skull will fight Cap but he will be more powerful, maybe he will teleport or have a hoard of Hydra goons to help.  Malakith will transform into one of those Super-Dark-Elf-Warriors that kicked Thor’s ass and only died because of Loki using a black hole grenade.  Ultron will be a swarm of robots made out of energy, or just one giant robot.  And Ronan will have a rematch with the Guardians using his massive hammer (maybe have Thor go hammer to hammer with him cause that would be fun).  Same for the other as of yet unknown bad guys.

 

"Okay, just so we are clear... Next step is to cross this over with Star Wars because money isn't going to print itself."

Bonus Prediction: “Avengers Infinity War” parts 1 and 2

            I do have another prediction.  In the comics Thanos has an advisor for how to use the Infinty Stones to greatest effect… The literal devil.  Mephisto, the Lord of Hell sits at Thanos’ right hand Grima Wormtongue style.  Since Mephisto doesn’t exist in the movies at this time I think that part will be played by a different character: LOKI!  Who at one point will try to gain control of the gauntlet, and one of two things will happen.  Either 1) Loki tries to use it but fails because he (as Agent Coulson put it), “Lacks conviction”.  Or 2) Loki actually does save the day and seeks acceptance from the Avengers and Thor specifically as a hero and worthy of being well regarded, which is what Loki has always wanted anyway.

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Movies 2012, Top 5

            After the power went out last night I decided to just postpone writing my Top 5, but here there are, just like I planned I did my reviews for the movies of 2012 before the end of January just like I hoped.  Now to stop reviewing things for a while cause my brain is tired.

5. Award for Best Soft Science Fiction: "Looper" (Trailer)

            Time travel movies are a pain in the ass from a scripting/plotting position.  By their very nature they are trying to express a metaphor for life without coming out and saying it, but people get so bogged down in the details of the mechanics (and really that is part of the fun) that they miss the point.

            Take "Back to the Future" (Trailer), a big thrust of that Franchise is how the more things change, the more they stay the same.  There are restaurants catering to nostalgia; there are campaign vans doing announcements; in each movie there are similar instances of the main character, Marty confronting bullies, in the 1950's he soundly defeats them, in 2015 he barely gets away unscathed, in 1885 he is nearly murdered.  The point is to illustrate how certain world views would come into conflict in different eras, but there is a sense of repetition and contrast.

            "Looper" has a very different message, one that has to do with the cyclical nature of one's decisions and how they affect others.  If you could go into the past to kill your hated enemy as a child, would you try to change the path your younger self is on, and how would seeing what you eventually become change your view on the world.  There is a lot that can be said about trying to kill your own future self, not just through bad decision making but by actually trying to shoot him/you.

9/10

Okay, I know where this is going!  Let's just get it over with!

4. Award for Best Horror Movie, and Arguably Best Comedy: "Cabin in the Woods" (Trailer)

            I am the first to argue that Horror as a genre needs some fresh perspectives on itself.  They (as well as much of Hollywood) have begun the horrific act of self cannibalism as they reuse old franchises, old tropes, and haven't gotten anything "new" in recent time outside of going more and more extreme with violence.

            And I understand why, it is hard to come up with a new idea, design it, produce it, and then sell it.  Even making something classic well is difficult because trying to put a new spin on something like vampires or werewolves isn't possible because they have been run so far into the ground.

            "Cabin in the Woods" is the ultimate destination for horror, and I would go so far as to say that it kind of broke the whole genre down to its core.  It vivisects the idea of people being in the middle of nowhere under assault by monsters.  "Cabin" addresses the soulless machine that produces the movies, it addresses the audiences, it addresses the element of escalation.  This movie is great.

            Let me leave with this, at one point the heroes are cornered, and they concoct a plan.  Logically what happens would require slightly more effort but I don't think anybody should care.  This movie gets to a point in which you do not think it can go any more insane, and then they hit (what I will call) THE AWESOME BUTTON and the whole thing just takes off into new levels of HOLY-SHIT.

9/10

3. Award for Most Awesome Dystopia: "Dredd" (Trailer)

            I like dystopias, they are some of my favorite social commentaries as they mostly just reductio ad absurdum a current trend in the modern world.  "Blade Runner" (a movie I do not really like) in which you can buy and sell androids that are more human than human, leaving the audience to question what happened to the dumb masses as they are literally buying people.  "1984" was the totalitarian regime of history re-writing fascists, a world in which... well, I guess we can all debate which political ideology won the Cold War in that universe, in my opinion it could have been anyone.  Or "Mad Max" when the world is slowly creeping toward depletion and nobody has a way of making civilization sustainable again.

            "Dredd" is a simpler commentary than that, it is about the escalating nature of the war on crime, the problems that a future of urban sink will cause, and the possible necessity of much more draconian police work.  Whoo-boy is this movie fun: violence is not toned down, a guy's head is melted in the cold opener, numerous people are burned to death, skinned, shot, exploded, or die choking on their own crushed throat bones, frequently this violence is shown in slow motion, and the slow motion is not gratuitous, but is actually a plot point.  This is the sort of violent dystopia that "The Hunger Games" (Trailer) was supposed to be, and couldn't attain because of its market.

            I pray to Metztli this movie sells enough on DVD to get its sequel because the theater release was not strong enough even in 3D.  When this thing hits 15$ I think I will snap it up because it really needs to be bought and supported, like its brother in arms, "Kick-Ass". (Trailer)

9/10

2. Award for Most Cathartic Violence: "Django Unchained" (Trailer)

            While "Dredd" has violence against criminals that are law breakers and violent monsters in many cases, and the violence feels good when it is exacted on the bad guys, the truth is, "Dredd" is commenting on a future that has not happened yet and uses its style to explore a very strange and dark future that is rather easy to avoid.  "Django Unchained" is a very clever and powerful exploration of an era in history that already happened.

            The violence in "Django" is not against law breakers and crooks, it is against the plutocrats that have grown rich and fat off a monstrous civilization wide failure.  The villains have their own twisted perspectives, they have their own beliefs, they have there own families and histories, they love and hate different things, in short, the bad guys are more human and believable, and as such their monstrous behavior ending in a chaotic over the top explosion of violence on the part of the hero feels good on a deeper level.

            "Django" has smart dialogue, human characters, powerful scenes, and a full and dark exploration of slavery that juxtaposes so well with the almost cartoon like levels of violence to produce a very rich and thought provoking movie that is so worth the time to watch it.

10/10

1. Award for best Realization of my Dreams to Date: "Avengers" (Trailer)

            I like superheroes.  This is no secret, I have written more than 50 blog entries on the topic of comic book super heroes (of which I have only migrated 3 onto this particular blog, but that is really more of a house keeping issue than a strike against my favorite hobby), I have hundreds of comic books, I have read probably more than a thousand (I have never really put together a good estimate) I have created my own characters since I was a kid, and I have had any number of contacts with the genre of superheroes my whole life because I love it.

            "Avengers" rocked my socks.  Yes there are little things in it that don't make sense (except most of the ones people cite do make sense if you think about things from the perspective of the character doing the action) but those are few and don't matter.  Things build and build and then release in the best action scene of the year.  The whole movie is filled with good dialogue and interesting characters interacting.  The thing is just excitement and fun and it makes me feel like a kid watching the characters I treasure so much come to life to fight a villain that I really like and understand and feel somewhat sorry for.  This is the stuff young Josh would have loved to get growing up and the idea that it exists for current Josh to appreciate and that more of the things I love will come to life in time makes me feel good about the cultural future I get to be a part of.  We collectively are looking up to big heroes and big ideas and in the long run that is important, we should think big, we should dream big, and that should be what our biggest and best movies should be.

10/10

Intro to Comics: Thor (Upgrade)

(This was originally a Facebook note, I am reprinting it here with some more about the movie, as the movie had not been out at that point.  Hence: Upgrade.)

            Here is a character you'll end up seeing soon as I just saw the movie and it was pretty good, the character is The Mighty Thor.  Created by Jack Kirby who seemed to be very much obsessed with the idea of god societies, having created "The New Gods" and "TheEternals" he and Stan Lee created Thor as a cast out member of the Asgardian race of gods that existed in a world parallel to our own and had interacted with us in past centuries being the inspiration for Norse myth.  In spite of claiming to be superior to humans, who being mortal could not hope to attain the levels of wisdom and might that the Asgardians had, the truth of the matter is the Asgardians were an aloof and stagnant society who had not done anything other than internal warmongering for hundreds of years.  Seriously, they had no need of technology to supply them, or devices to fly so they just chilled in a castle all the time when they weren't out killing trolls and giants.  The movie makes it seem less stagnate and more just committed to peace regardless of their warrior culture.

But then, what would be the point of a summer cottage if you don't spend your time there?

            Thor being a forward thinking member of the society was cast out by Lord Odin and was forced to live as a mortal man, the doctor known as Donald Blake.  Unaware of his banishment Blake wandered on his spare time unaware of what he had lost until he found a walking stick balanced on its point in a cave, upon taking it he recalled his origin and struck the stick to the ground, transforming into Thor Son of Asgard, and the stick transforming into Mjolnir, hammer of the gods.  Kind of Freudian if you look at it long enough.

Tony, don't get on my ass, because you are starting to look very nail like.

            Thor, via his hammer can control the weather and conjure lightning, it also allows him to fly, and when thrown can kill or terribly wound anyone in the Marvel universe, it is an omega level weapon and can only be yielded by a select few.  You see while Thor is super strong and nearly unkillable due to his divine heritage, it is his strength of will and great personal virtue that allows him to hold Mjolnir whose weight is infinite to those of poor character.  Only a handful have been able to hold it in the past, though Captain America is a notable person who has been able to lift it.  Others have also carried it, Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, and Superman have all done so in crossovers, showing how many more pure and just hearted beings per capita are in DC comics as opposed to Marvel.  I actually wonder what goes into the decision making process for who gets to pick it up, does Mjolnir work like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter?  Regardless, in the film Thor himself falls short of holding it for a good portion of the movie (Spoilers: the title character of the movie undergoes a character arc that allows him to save the day).

            Thor's banishment was lifted after a time, and when Odin perished stopping Surtur, the fire giant that heralded the Apocalypse, Thor was made Lord of Asgard... It went to his head.  He took Asgard and transported the city to Earth, floating over New York, he then gave out medicine and became the target of worship throughout the United States, eventually coming under fire by the government, and deciding to conquer the Earth.  He succeeded killing legions of superheroes and ruled for decades till his son (Magni god of strength) overthrew him and utilized Asgardian magic to hit the reset button returning Thor to the moment when he decided to conquer the Earth, and allowing him to take a different path.  Thor instead returned Asgard to its home dimension, and set to undertaking a series of trials that would grant him Odin's insight.  Turns out Odin had not made Thor into Donald Blake to banish him, but instead to grant him a connection to mortality, wisdom and insight Odin himself lacked, the wisdom that comes with a life lived according to the laws of death and mortality.  That insight allowed Thor to use his knowledge to bring about Ragnorak, the Twilight of the Gods, in which he destroyed the home dimension of the Asgardians... And vanished.  This was done specifically because he viewed the Asgard culture as stagnating, held down by still higher gods who were feeding off the power of Asgard.  Destroying the universe to burn off cosmic leeches.

Also, Thor-Frog exists.  Yeah.

            Thor was not around for several big events in the Marvel Universe, Avengers Disassembled, where the Scarlet Witch killed people wholesale; or Civil War in which Iron Man tried to deputize the Heroes of Marvel, and Captain America thought that was a violation of civil liberties (the right to be a vigilante I guess); but Thor returned from the void of death when his wayward soul found Donald Blake on Earth and so Blake became Thor once more.  He then sought out the other gods trapped in human bodies on Earth.  Which was either a rip off of a Grant Morrison story, who had Kirby's DC creations the New Gods (space gods who often interact with and occasionally fight Superman), well the New Gods died and were reborn on Earth in the bodies of living people who slowly turned into the gods, so maybe it was a salute...

And this is his brother Loki possessing the body of Thor's wife.  Nothing weird about that.

            Thor's quest has recently come to an end, and he has taken this time to rejoin The Avengers along with Iron Man and Captain America.  Seeing how the world fell apart without these heroes at the helm of it all.  And he is awesome!  In just a short time they have had a story where he single handedly stopped an alien invasion from a parallel time line, kamikazed himself through the skull of the space god Galactus (lot of space gods, the universe is a big place), and has fought alongside the king of Atlantis and the Red Hulk against a guy hell bent on collecting the bedrock stones of the universe and remarking all creation in his own image.

Logic is relative.  Especially with the Hulk.

            Some of Thor's greatest foes include his step brother Loki, who is a god of trickery and illusion; the Egyptian god of evil Set, along with a large number of evil Egyptian creatures; the Troll King Ulik, and his trolls; the dark elves; Thor's own hubris; the Wrecking Crew, who are a bunch of super strong thugs from earth who were granted there powers by Loki; the Absorbing man and his wife Titanna, Absorbing man got his powers from Loki and Titanna got hers from Doctor Doom; and just like everyone else in Marvel comics Thor has fought Doctor Doom.  His allies include The Avengers, a gathering of the worlds mightiest heroes (of which Thor is the mightiest); the Warriors Three, who are Asgard Special Forces, Fendral, Volstag and Hogan; his brother Baulder (who wasn't in the movie); and his wife Sif (who was his platonic work girlfriend in the movie).

The Warriors Three.  No chin up requirement for entry in the Asgard Special Forces.

            Thor is a very mythic character, and is arguably the most powerful hero in the Marvel Universe aside from the Hulk (who when mad enough can crack the world with his footfalls), and the Silver Surfer (who has the power to manipulate energy across entire continents), but really I've only recently really figured out what to think of Thor overall.  He works better when he touches on but isn't confined to Earth in the Marvel Universe, when he is allowed to do his own thing in alternate worlds populated by pantheons and cross dimensional demons and giants, and only occasionally running into masked crusaders and mutants, and guys in power armor in books like "The Avengers".  I am glad that the Thor movie is good, as I have very much like the character.

            If I could be a super hero, I would want Thor's powers because he has the capacity to use his weather and other less clearly defined healing abilities (didn't list because they seem to only work when the story needs them to) to exert a positive change in the world beyond punching evildoers... He never uses them as such without losing his gourd and taking over the world, but I'm confident that is Marvel holding the status Quo over writers heads (after all superheroes are metaphors for ideas present in out current lives fighting it out, not science fiction which takes an idea like gods in the real world and rides it out to logical conclusions).

            Oh, and the guy who is playing him in the movie, was the guy who played Captain Kirk's dad at the beginning of JJ Abram's "Star Trek" movie, the guy who kamikazes his ship into Nero's to save the fleeing escape pods.  Yeah, he does look the part.  And Anthony Hopkins is Odin, and he doesn't phone in the performance like he did with "The Wolf Man", he seems to actually give a shit when things happen and conveys as such through emotion... you know acting, like when he gives a shit.

Seen here. Giving a shit.

Comic Review "Avengers Academy" #13

            "Avengers Academy" number 13 fixed pretty much every problem I had with the book and how wooden it was portraying the cast.  Mettle and Hazmat have a cool character moment; Tigra and Giant Man have a cool character moment; Spider Girl and Reptil have a good character moment; Firestar and Justice have a good character moment; Veil and Striker have a good character moment; and Speedball, Hardball and Komodo all provide good bits of comedy.

Yes, a prom is the framing device for all of this character development and next to zero action.

            "Avengers Academy" started as a replacement for the then faded away title of "Avengers: The Initiative" in which the US was recruiting and training young, side-kick age heroes and training them to be the super hero leaders of tomorrow.  For whatever reason, even though "Initiative" was a great title with several cool original characters it lost focus due to the insane numbers of crossover mega events it was forced to participate in and now most of the IP's that were in the book are lost in the shuffle, including the original protagonist of the book Cloud 9, a young girl who has the power to create smoke clouds that she can use for flight (like Nimbus from "Dragonball Z").

This series was so great, go buy it. You don't have to know anything about Marvel to enjoy it, its just really good.

            Considering that "Academy" started with almost an entire new cast, bring over Hank Pym (who was actually an alien imposter during "Initiative") and Justice, but leaving behind War Machine (Iron Man's black number 2), Taskmaster (Whose power is to know and be able to properly teach any martial arts move in the world), Gauntlet (A non-com military hero with an alien super weapon on his arm), and Baron Blitzkrieg (a reformed Nazi super scientist) in favor of Quicksilver (Magneto's son), Jocasta (Woman Robot made by the evil Ultron), Tigra (a tiger lady), and Speedball (a guy who gets his powers from cutting himself).  Not to mention the 6 new at risk students who were brought in specifically because they might be turned into super bad guys in the future.

            The book has 12 main characters with frequent guest stars and has been struggling to develop each in a meaningful fashion, but #13 kind of hit on nearly everyone including 5 guest stars to good effect.  And while some of the dialogue is a little stiff and a lot of the guest stars mean nothing to people who didn't read "Initiative", it still works.

            For instance, Mettle and Hazmat getting together.  Mettle is invincible and strong, but his body looks bright red and metallic and his face looks like a skull, while Hazmat is a young woman whose powers make her both radioactive and poisonous on contact, so she can't touch anyone.  Nearly everyone else on the team thought that the two were dating because Mettle is immune to Hazmat's powers, but they were just friends.  In this issue they talk about how much they have been there for each other and how well they get along and decide to date because, "Maybe they're just seeing something we're not."  It is a really well done scene that talks about how tough their lives are in short order.

            Then there is Tigra and Giant Man which has a lot of issues.  see about 15 years ago they were on a super team together and dated, they broke up for... Reasons.  When Hank Pym was kidnapped and a shapeshifting alien took his place, the alien dated Tigra, and got her pregnant.  The process of the shapeshifting was so perfect though the child is biologically Giant Man's.  When last they talked about this he acted like a jerk off about the whole situation, in this comic he acts like a human being, asking why she went out with imposter him, she explains what the alien told her, and he tells her that the imposter lived Giant Man's life better than he ever did, because he had the same feelings and just never managed to follow up on them.  The two of them realize the obvious and go hook up, securing a romance they should have been experiencing since issue #1.

My introduction to Hank "Giant Man" Pym, and much of the complaints I had that "Academy" #13 fixed.

            The last best interaction also dates back to issues in the 90's.  Firestar is a super heroin who can fly and shoot fire, unfortunately she suffers from cancer, which Hank "Giant Man" Pym managed to cure her of, but it has defined her place in comics for the last 10 years.  She and the hero Justice used to date in a comic called New Warriors (which was in many ways the "Avengers Academy" of its time with young heroes trying to help each other become better heroes though without a lot of supervision).  She and Justice had broken up and Justice since then had changed from the "let's wait until marriage" type to the "we could die tomorrow" type and Firestar feels betrayed that she and he never got to have a normal life together, and jealous that she never got to bang him (cause women can be horny too).  They reconcile, a bit of character resolution that has been coming down the pike forever.

The 90's, so much inking.  So much inking.

            So yeah, this book is a really good and well needed tie up to a huge number of character points several that I didn't bother to touch on here.  If you are a fan of Marvel comics, and the tertiary characters and IP's that are completely overshadowed by Spiderman and Wolverine and 15 different levels of Incredible Hulk.

Seriously, these guys are fucking everywhere.

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Intro to Comics: Hank Pym (Upgrade)

(I originally wrote this in June of 2010, this is the updated version.)

            Ever heard of Hank Pym?  Well, he is getting a movie made about him directed by Edgar Wright ("Hot Fuzz", "Scott Pilgrim Versus the World"), as I love both the character and Wright I thought I should throw out some info on him.  This character was a founding member of the Avengers super hero team along with Tony "Iron Man" Stark, Dr. Donald "Thor" Blake, Janet "The Wasp" Van Dyne, and Dr. Bruce "Hulk" Banner.  At the time Pym was called Ant Man, but he has carried on several other titles since then: Giant Man, Goliath, Yellow Jacket, Hank Pym (he got a little lazy when he was running the West Coast Avengers), the Wasp (taken after the death of his wife Janet Van Dyne), and now he is back to Giant Man because for some damn reason people think that costume changes will sell more issues of comic books.

The costume that everybody was waiting to make a come back.  How is this desired?

            Hank took the title Wasp to honor Janet Van Dyne who was killed by shape shifting aliens who kidnapped and replaced Pym, and while doing so spiked the super formula that gave Janet her powers, that spiked formula caused he to nearly explode and kill all of the other Avengers... You know when you write it all out like that this stuff sounds a little silly.  He since reverted to Giant Man because of very weak reasons, that he felt he needed to be his own man and not dwell on his dead wife.

Even though his 'Wasp' costume looked nothing like Janet's.  And was arguably his most distinctive look yet.

            Hank is the inventor of the Pym Particle a substance that allows for the acclimation and dissipation of mass and the manipulation of volume... In other words he can make shrinking and growing formulas.  He also has invented plasma wings that allow a person to fly quickly when shrank, a helmet that allows him to talk to ants and other insects, various gadgets for holographic projection (allowing him to make a swarm of winged ants look like an army of Avengers arrived to save the day, bluffing villains to surrender), he has created The Infinite Avengers Mansion (an extra dimensional house that is thousands of miles in size and has doors that lead to locations all over the world and various important locations throughout the Galaxy), and lastly he is also the inventor of modern artificial intelligence in the Marvel Universe, which leads to his greatest failures.

For a while there they thought this was the Wasp, who was exploding into a new universe somewhere in White Space (which is outside of our universe... Kinda)

            See if Peter "Spiderman" Parker is the kind of nice guy who gets a door slammed in his face in spite of his good intentions, Hank Pym is the type of guy who will run headlong into a locked door and knock himself unconscious in spite of all his best intentions.  Hank invented Ultron, the ultimate killer robot, a being who has nearly conquered the universe on at least one occasion and has nearly wiped the Avengers out on several... That is bad.  Hank has also failed to deal with his limitations well, he has in fact had serious incidents of manic depression and dissociative fugue states in which he has invented an alternate personality that has been more ruthless toward criminals, and toward his friends, having hit his wife, and building another killer robot for him to defeat in order to impress other people (the robot then handed him his own ass).

Ultron, the unkillable murderous android bent on the death of all organic life.  Why, you might ask?  Cause its evil, no other justification has been given, but as of yet no other justification has been needed.

            Hank is an incredibly intelligent person, and much like Doctor Voodoo was the Sorcerer Supreme of the Marvel Universe, Hank is the Scientist Supreme a being intended to utilize the elegance of science to make the universe safer and more beautiful.  He is not as intelligent as Mr. Fantastic, or as focused and driven as Iron Man, but has a natural creativity that surpasses the two of them and allows him to fabricate truly bizarre and powerful devices.  He actually carries around several different labs in his vest pockets so he can design, build, and utilize weapons as the situation dictates.

This is God telling Hank that he is important.  Cause he wasn't enough of a head case without the impossible expectations.

            Pym has led numerous teams of Avengers currently operating as the headmaster of the Avengers Academy, an institution for at risk kids with super powers who run the risk of becoming villains.  During the last big event Pym was one of the primary targets of the Skrulls, the shape shifting Aliens that killed Janet Van Dyne.  During the invasion he was replaced by a double and held prisoner, that double ended up having a relationship with Pym's friend Tigra, a fellow Avenger, and she now has a son that is genetically Pym's.  Sadly in recent times, while all of the stories have been good for the most part, and the concepts cool, the characters in "Avenger's Academy" are written a little stilted at times, and when Pym and Tigra had to discuss Tigra's son, whom she wanted Pym to be the godfather of, his response is so cold and robotic that it came off as obnoxious, especially considering how clever and driven he has been in the series that recently ended "Mighty Avengers".

Not that he can't be obnoxious, here is a picture of him calling Mr. Fantastic a bitch and challenging him to a nerd off.

            Rather than telling Tigra how sorry he was that he wasn't the guy she had a relationship with, and how he regrets that fact as she is his teammate, friend, and worthy romantic partner, how she has helped him save the world, and fought back aliens, gods and monsters, he instead babbles about how he never intended to have kids because of his history of mental illness, the whole conversation came off as whiny and self centered, when it should have been a scene full of regret while at the same time having hope for the future, making the characters much more human and connected.  I am disappointed with it to say the least as I feel it was a major missed opportunity, and I know I could have written the scene better.

Conversely, here is he and she behaving like human beings.  Though this is actually an alien impersonating Hank, so take that as you will.

            Pym is one of the most under appreciated characters in comics and I hope the movie does him justice.  I would say his personal best was in the miniseries "BEYOND!" by Dwayne McDuffie which I already covered in "Intro to Comics".

http://rocketboy1313.blogspot.com/2011/03/intro-to-comics-beyond.html

And here is a picture of his latest team, the Avengers Academy