Thursday, May 5, 2011

I review "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 1" pt3

            Hey they just broke camp... but they still have no plan aside from bitching at each other... I guess I'll continue this blog while little else is happening.  Idiots.

            This falls under the 'atmosphere that makes no sense' and the 'pointless scene' headers.  Why hasn't the town council had the half demolished house of Harry's dead parents torn down and a memorial put in?  The damn thing is gloomy and unseemly.  No one living in that neighborhood would want the grim reminder the night a white supremacist fire bombed their neighbor's house.  Yet there it stands along with all the snow and darkness and zero color.  Isn't this supposed to be a fun and magical coming of age story?

You mean to tell me that in the last 6 years since he was made aware of this magical world he never visited his parents grave?  No one, not even his dick headed mortal family thought that might be a good part of the grieving process?

            Okay, another MacGuffin, the book Dumbledore leaves Heromione, you know the bard book.  This collection of fables gives clues that lead to a creepy old woman that turns out to be a giant snake, and another book for them to read and find clues in.  Why did that old lady just turn into a snake?  Why did they leave the giant murderous reptile alive?  Cut its fucking head off.  It is a monster that eats people, no sane culture on this planet suffers man eating animals to live.  They're fucking dangerous.  And why is there a second book?  Just have all the clues in the first book, and cut this whole scene with the snake-woman out.  Oh, I forgot, we have to give the fans of the book their nerd boners.

If it is all the same to you, I've got productive things to do instead of watching a snake eat a woman while we circle jerk to the thought of how evil we all are.

            Speaking of crap that Dumbledore left in his will.  That golden snitch that Harry first grabbed at Hogwarts.  Apparently since he caught it the thing is keyed to his flesh memory, because for some reason no one else had handled it prior to Harry.  Why is flesh memory only being explained now? Cause it is being pulled out of the air.  Why is it so inconsistent?  Why is the skin of Harry's mouth different than the skin on his hands?  Does he have Chimera syndrome when different tissues of the body have different DNA?  This is stupid, and why does it reveal only writing when he first touches it to his mouth?  Its pretty clear another MacGuffin is in there, just crack the damn thing open.

Why the riddle?  If Harry is the only one who could get the message having a riddle only makes it harder on the good guys.  Literally at no point do the villains make any attempt to locate this object, they don't know what it is, or even that it exists or is of any importance.  So why the riddle?
            Speaking of throwbacks to older books, instead of a golden snitch and the absolutely ludicrous sport of quidditch we have the shape shifting potion.  How do you sneak into a government facility with a substance so common it has been a prominent plot point in at least three of these movies?  Shouldn't there be a level of security specifically for that?  A 'true form' field or something?  How is visual confirmation of a person's identity enough in a world of shape shifters?  Why is no one thinking to ask these questions?

How about we give Harry a potion so he looks like someone else?  That way instead of having eight decoys we instead just have one guy in disguise.  Or you know, just put everyone in mortal danger for the sake of a kid who's greatest quality is that he happened to not die as a baby.

            Speaking of breaking into a government facility, when they do break into the Ministry of Magic (a place which was just overthrown in a bloody coup mind you) there is a giant statue.  Where did they get that giant statue of muggles getting crushed by a big block?  Why did they install that on the first day of the new regime?  Why is it a corrupt government being so up front about how evil it is?  Why make a statue that shows living beings crushed under the weight of another society?  Did the wizard community not exist during World War II?  This is all part of a grander strategy of looking evil, because I guess murdering someone who is begging for their life isn't enough to establish the snake monster and his lackeys are evil, they need a statue to take pictures in front of.  This is again why I think Umbridge has been the best overall villain in this movie because her personality of thinly veiled menace and superiority is juxtaposed with her pink and inviting demeanor.  All the more that she looks out of place in front of the giant monument that might as well have white supremacy written on the side.

I used this picture once already, but it illustrates my point rather well.

            I guess we are done with camping, instead we are being locked in a dungeon.  Some heroes we have here... Idiots.

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