Sunday, October 15, 2017

Dungeons and Dragons, "World Building"

            This is going to be another blog about Dungeons and Dragons.  That means it will simultaneously be impenetrable to normal people and get more views than any content I put out that is aimed at a general audience.
            Months ago, I did a micro series of blogs on world building, (part 1, part 2, part 3) but didn’t follow up with some of the most basic parts of world building.  I was taking a perspective a lot of academics do and started out too high in the clouds, so high in the clouds I was talking about concepts and inspirations rather than maps and regions.  That is not what people reading about world building are looking for.
            With all of that in mind let’s take a different tactic and focus on a continent sized perspective.  And we will do that with the help of this map:

            This map comes from Uncharted Territory's (Etsy Page) “Steal this Map” (facebook page) an artist that creates maps for fun, profit, and to build a portfolio (I am guessing) in much the way I write this blog.  The idea being that once the lovely map is provided people can populate it how they like.
            For this map, I will take you thru my creative process, I will go in Clockwise order using generalized placeholder names and trying to point to various eras in history that inspired me.  When you make up countries or regions I always recommend taking from history and then adding the magical element to them.
            Whether people admit it or not, even the stupidest events in history have some internal logic and feel real and human to people, even as fanciful elements like dragons and pixies are slip into them.  That is why King Arthur or Hercules continue to hang out on in the cultural consciousness, they were reflections of their times and mixed in fanciful elements that spoke to their culture, they feel realer (even when you look at all the really stupid stuff that goes on in each).

The Continent as a Whole
            Let us start with the first big thing, you want something that ties the continent together, and for that I would recommend pulling an "Eberron" and have the regions defined by a recent war/calamity that they all participated in and now defines their interactions.
            Much like the Napoleonic Wars defined interactions all over Europe until World War I completely upended the status quo, only to have it up ended again by World War II before a new status quo could even be established, having a big central event that everyone knows about and defines their view of the world serves as a good base to work from.
            Think of how many people in the 30-45 range have their entire worldview defined by 9/11 and the Great Recession.  Think of how many people’s view of politics is defined by Monica Lewinski being the height of “immorality”, and how Watergate was to an older set, or Iran Contra, or McCarthyism, or Teapot Dome.  Think of how any of these groups would react to politics now.
            So, let’s say that one of those five big blank banners went to war with another one, and then each of the other banners started going to war until the whole continent’s view of things was turned upside down.

The Five Blank Banners
            Let’s just take them one at a time in clockwise order.  Talking about their worldviews, and the real life historical inspirations for them.  We’ll want to make them distinct, so that an adventure in any region would feel different from the others, but not so distinct that they feel like they are from totally different worlds.  Good thing all of these inspirations come from Earth and primarily Europe so that they will feel similar.  What should be the name of the continent as a whole?  Let’s go with a placeholder, this will be the “Continent of While”.  As in, “While, we’re here”.  (It is a pun)

1 O'Clock- The Mau Empire
            Defined by nationalist sentiment but also assimilation, they push out their boarders via conquest and being able to build really good roads, but when doing so they have traditionally granted citizenship to the conquered.
            At least the Mau Empire used to grant citizenship to the conquered.  The last war was about their efforts to expand to the West side of the continent and make those conquered into second class citizens under "client-kings" and extort material wealth from them like colonies without extending them rights as citizens.
            The Mau Empire lost the war and now numerous proud and capable military leaders are all vying to be the new Emperor while trying to keep the old Empire from breaking up completely or falling to an invasion from the South.
            Think Rome after the sacking by the Goths.  Rome throughout its history expanded and attempted to integrate people all over their Empire into their social order, but toward the end of the Western Roman Empire they stopped doing that and started treating conquered peoples as second-class citizens with little or no ties/loyalty to Rome and instead having loyalty only to their commanders.  This fragmentation led to the Western Empire’s collapse.

3 O'Clock- The Divine Feudal Kingdoms of Horral
            This is a kingdom defined by "Divine Right".  The King is the direct descendant of a good aligned god, the entire aristocracy is Aasimars and see themselves as naturally more just, giving, and by virtue of their blood worthier of the status leader.
            While the Horral aristocracy do run things well and there is a logic to all their actions that promotes the public good, they often use excessively brutal means and justify those means by citing their own divine bloodline as justification.  "We know what is right," is their frequent refrain.
            The aristocracy were the primary opposition to the Mau Empire during the last war, but only won because of the internal strife and confusion of the Mau Empire and the help of the other powers on the continent.  Their military resources are nearly depleted but they are trying to keep up an appearance of strength for fear that the Mau Empire might manage to pull together against them before they have time to recover.
            Think Persia mixed with King Louie's France, which is an odd combination but I think it makes some sense.  Persia was the primary rival to Rome in the Middle East and had a strong enough central leadership pulled together during the fall of the Western Empire then the East might not have held together either.  The Concept of Divine Right of the French Aristocracy couples together well with this idea, the Persians would often characterize their leadership as divine or semi-divine (not as much as an Egyptian Pharaoh, but some) and King Louie believed he was king because God wanted him to be King and used that to justify his poor leadership decisions.  And King Louie was deposed after a costly war with another Empire emptied the coffers domestically and left the populace unhappy with the aristocracy.

5 O'Clock- The Southernmost Trade Kingdom of Kul
            This peninsula was defined by trade between the East and West sides of the continent.  Prior to the war caused everyone to cut ties with the Mau Empire shipping from one half of the continent to the other was to pass around this bend and this area grew rich from it.
            All ships swinging around the bottom of the continent stopped in Kul and often just made a quick trade and headed home rather than continue further along the trade route in search of greater riches.
            This transient nature and midpoint status makes Kul the most polyglot of the 5 powers, and it arguably suffered the most from the war.  Smugglers, pirates, and a small criminal empire of deserting soldiers have come to dominate the area.  The economy has collapsed and aside from fishing their agriculture is not providing enough food to support the nation, as they previously were cultivating luxury items like flowers for perfume, silphium, and incense.
            Kul should be seen akin to Indonesia after China stopped trading with the Indian Ocean to focus on its war with the Mongols.  Here is a video about that from Crash Course.


            The elements of Piracy and criminal activity should be seen akin to the piracy that plagued China’s seas for centuries.  Adapting a character akin to Ching Shih as the de facto ruler of the area and emphasizing the cutthroat and backstabbing between rival groups of pirates that are preying on the numerous trade vessels trying to re-establish the economy after the war and coming into conflict with navies “protecting” those groups seems like a great hook.  You could also look to how the Portuguese tried to dominate Indian Ocean trade thru piracy of a different kind, building forts and issuing trade licenses, and then confiscating ships that didn’t have a license (ignoring the fact that they had no authority to issue licenses and were acting like a mob boss, here is a video on that too).

8 O'Clock- These are the Confederated City States of Lum
            The numerous rivers in Lum have cultivated dozens and dozens of city states tied together by easy trade along the rivers, but kept from fully pulling together by difficult overland travel.  The lack of bridges and ferries prohibiting such road based travel.
            But separation by rushing rivers is not the only barrier to full unification, the Counts and Princes of Lum have banded together into a secret society called the Luminous.  This secret council wishes to keep government small, religious influence weak, and keep control on the value and power of hard currency.  Why they chose to do this derives from the perceived corruption in Horral and loss of individuality in Mau.  Not all of the Counties and Principalities participated in the last war and as such certain groups are seen as cowardly (but admittedly wealthy for having stayed out).
            The military is fractured into roving bands of mercenaries, errant knights, and merry men who protect the populace while living lives untethered to any singular kingdom.  Adding to the difficulty of each County providing troops to the effort, it is hard to put together a unit large and cohesive enough to then send hundreds of miles over pirate plagued sea to fight the most powerful military on the continent.
            (I link a few videos in here.)
            For Lum think a cross between the very loose alliance of German city states that would one day become Germany, the numerous small states of pre-Italy, and the mythical England of Robin Hood.  All three of these areas were defined by decentralized government, militaries that were more mercenary in function, and a sense of freewheeling “freedom”.  The secret society, the Luminous, is almost a direct take on the Bavarian Illuminati, even the name being a pun.

10 O'Clock- The Tribe Lands of Nor
            These were the “nations” that Mau was trying to invade that started the last war.  Dozens of tribes and petty kingdoms spread across a hilly landscape they are defined by a combination of warrior ethic and shrewd tradesman sensibilities.  They like fights they can win and are quick to avoid those that they can't.  They are not stupid and will take to raiding, ambushing, or retreating to keep an advantage and not take a loss devastating enough to wipe them out.
            The Tibes of Nor almost certainly would have lost to the Mau Empire eventually.  The Mau had built roads right up to the border and were already promising wealth and prestige to those kings and chiefs of Nor who would join the Mau Empire without a fight.  But the Mau Empire kept getting duped by the Nor, who were happy to just keep pumping them for money, and then leading the Mau troops into ambushes.  The Nor’s entire countryside is now a burning wreck, hiding hidden wealth conned out of the Mau Empire and stored in secret vaults and remote holds.
            The few roads laid down by the Mau to facilitate their imperial ambitions have allowed the Nor to rebuild somewhat, but they know that the Mau might be back and much like the Horral posturing, the Nor are making their first great attempt to fully unite into a single nation so as to dissuade any future attempt by the Mau Empire to ever invade again.
            I was inspired to create the Nor by picturing a cross between Scotland after the Romans were repelled and Russia after they beat King Charles XII in the Great Northern War.  A country that was not previously a united country, coming together after realizing how much stronger they were together.

Themes
            In history, you can often see the formation of new grander alliances via war.  Where once there were nations there is a nation, where once there were lands there is a single land.  The idea that a massive conflict by the most united nation led to other countries drawing closer together and the aggressor ending on the verge of disintegrating is interesting.  The idea that the country defined by trade is falling into piracy because of the war pulling the silk rug out from under them is interesting.
            So, a campaign here should be about the characters coming together after the war to deal with the unrest in each of the areas.  Recover treasure in Nor to help them rebuild and become a new nation or take what can be taken before they can get themselves together?  Working against the Luminous to unite Lum, or to work with them to keep the lands diffuse and “free”?  Destroy the pirates, or become a pirate?  Break the Divine Right of Kings, or protect the aristocracy so that a new generation can learn from the war and become new leaders?  Help a new military leader to take the reins of Mau, or encourage the infighting to keep their military dominance from ever threatening the continent again?

Player Input
            Pick one for the area of interest, but have it that characters come from any of the other areas, and have them explain why they are there.  If the game is in Nor than the idea that a Pirate from Kul is there to steal something, that one is not hard to figure out.  But if the game is in Lum, why would someone from Mau be there?  If gives the players enough structure to focus, but also enough freedom to be creative.  That balance between Freedom and Structure is also a theme of the setting, CRAZY.

Some Missing Things
            I did not bother to talk about the presence of Elves, Gnomes, and what not in this setting because this is already over 2,000 words long and my hands are getting tired from typing.  Try to think how those groups would fit into each of these instances.  Where are orcs, where are gnolls, where are Kuo Toa?  Populating the continent with things other than humans, even sliding in other whole countries can do a lot to make these ideas digress in wildly different ways.  Maybe the Mau use Giants, maybe the Horral have dragons, and maybe Vampires are controlling the Luminous.
            This is bare bones and it is still pretty detailed for an outline.  Try doing this sort of exercise with the blank map provided.  Take it in as different a direction as possible, and then post it somewhere and put a link to it in my comments.  See how different the same map can become.
            Have Fun.

______________________________
            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.


Saturday, October 7, 2017

The Value of Sanctuary Cities

A Group Against Sanctuary Cities
            I just today found a political action group that wanted me to send an email to my Senator Bill Nelson asking him to end Sanctuary Cities.  As I think Sanctuary cities are a good thing I carefully edited their email to say this:
-----
I am writing to inform you I support sanctuary cities.

Sanctuary cities allow immigrants to approach the police and report crimes without fear of deportation.  This leads to safer communities for both the residents and the officers.

Sanctuary cities promote public safety because in the end, dangerous criminals will not find sanctuary among communities that have no reason to fear talking to the police.  In fact, there is no evidence that these communities have any crime beyond what would be expected for an area with their population density.

Senator, please do not let racism and stupidity damage America any further.
-----




Their Response to Me and My Reply
            After sending it, they sent me an email thanking me for my support and so I responded to them, pointing out my edits and explaining my feelings toward their group.

-----
Hello,

I consider your group to be racist idiots, so rather than send your form letter I carefully edited it to support Sanctuary Cities.

I hope you stop your campaign of white nationalism and instead learn to focus on making the United States a better place for all the people who live here, even if they didn't fill out piles of paperwork for the privilege, paperwork drawn up by racists like yourself from another era.

You can be better than what you are.  All you have to do is not persecute innocent people.

Grow up, grow a sense of decency, and be better than what you are.
-----

Political Discourse
            Am I wasting my time?  Almost certainly.  Their website (and their form email) pushed the idea that sanctuary cities are hiding grounds for criminals, including rapists and murderers.  This is wrong, both on a moral level or being fear mongering garbage, and statistically wrong, as I explained above.
            I would recommend to you that if you see a group like this one you take the time to speak against them as I have done or in whatever way you feel comfortable.  And beyond that adopt some of their methods, by which I mean contact those senators and congresspeople you disagree with and tell them what you believe.

            I have done this in the past with Senator Rubio about the refugees/travel ban and about net neutrality.  It perhaps accomplished nothing, but it is one more piece of paperwork sitting in a file somewhere that will illustrate my feelings to some future generation and their response will also be recorded as to being on a side, right or wrong.


______________________________
            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Star Trek BS, "The Borg"

            “Rocketboy1313 talks about Star Trek a bit and with no Over Arching Theme”.  Admittedly it is not a great title.  Not a great theme really.  I just had some left over writing from random discussions I have had online and in person about “Star Trek” and decided to throw this out there for consumption.

            Today’s topic is THE BORG.  Kind of.  All of this stuff has official explanations, but I don’t care what those explanations are and have instead written some of my own that I feel make more sense in the context of what I know about the series, and what about this universe that sticks out in my mind.  You can do this too; it is called “Head Canon”.
            Since it is all fictional and doesn’t matter, existing only as an imaginary story to help us ruminate on the world and life to better understand ourselves, the story specifics are meaningless, disregard them at your leisure.
 
Their ships are super rad.
Introduction
            For those who don’t know, the Borg are a race of cyborgs.  They come from a region of the galaxy that they completely dominate.  A vast empire from which these mentally linked shock troops coordinate as a singular intelligence.  They speak as an intimidating chorus of dull voices, they seem their eventual success as such a certainty that they call resistance to it “Futile”.
            The Borg reproduce in two fashions, the first is growing knew biological beings and then attaching cybernetic components as they age, but the other more horrifying method is to inject microscopic robots into the blood of other alien races, bonding with them mentally and making them part of their collective will.  Assimilation of all cultures, scientific knowledge, and striping out all sense of self and personal identity.  They are space-zombies and the single best villains in the franchise.


            They were introduced in “Star Trek the Next Generation” to both the audience and the crew of the Enterprise by the godlike being, Q.  Q’s motives for such an introduction seem to boil down to, “I’m a dick” but regardless of his long-term plans for such actions this episode established that both Q and the Borg had prior interactions with the recurring character of Guinan, a wise bartender character played by Whoopi Goldberg who is centuries old and whose people were destroyed by the Borg… and Really hate Q.
            The Borg became more and more sucky as time went on.  For that matter, so did Q.  Because “Star Trek Voyager” made everything that was big and threatening in “The Next Generation” worse and worse.  Regardless, let me tell you about my fan theory.

My Bullshit
            I actually thought that the Borg might have existed on only 1 planet as a big uni-mind (like "The Matrix") for thousands of years until they encountered some space fairing species.  Their collective intellect is always shown as being vast in knowing things, but rarely good at inventing new things.  I think that the creation of a vast linked intellect led to the society stagnating.
            I think that the species that first met the Borg-Matrix was the El-Aurian, the name of Guinan’s people (Whoopi Goldberg’s people).  Perhaps a scout craft landed far outside their own territory and wanted to learn about the vast and knowledgeable super mind.

This is Guinan on Earth in the late 1800's.
            Maybe Q made the introductions.
            The El-Aurians got assimilated into the mind and that started the Borg on a path of moving from solar system to solar system growing at first in a linear fashion, as they could only breed more of themselves or capture people to add cybernetic attachments, which just seems like a hassle.
            The real start of the Borg’s golden age was the discovery of a new technology, nano-bots which made assimilation of new species so easy that started growing their boarders exponentially.  Finally they decided to go after the El-Aurians’ home world and wipe them out.  The super villain equivalent of self-actualization.  This would explain El-Aurians aversion to both Q and their history with the Borg.

Some More Bullshit
            On “Voyager” the best character was Seven of Nine played by Jeri Ryan, a Borg freed from the uni-mind and returned to a state of being a human (albeit still covered in cybernetic components) who wanted to explore being a human (the race she was before being assimilated) but held onto learned behavior, knowledge, and beliefs from the Borg.  Her knowledge was limited, only a single mind she could hold only a tiny fraction of the Borg’s collective information, but she would often use experiments to further apply her knowledge to help the crew in new ways (she at one point cured death… “Voyager” was often stupid).
            One of Seven’s beliefs was that of Omega.  A theoretical element(?), particle(?), and they went with molecule(?) that would serve as a “perfect” thing.  The Borg see perfection as something that can be attained and Omega as an example of something that is perfect.  But at the same time Seven was always lacking on certain time periods and had holes in her data, so I gelled these concepts together. 
Jeri Ryan gets unfairly maligned, often just labeled as a pretty face, but she is an excellent actress in this series.
When I say she was the best character, SHE WAS THE BEST CHARACTER.
            900 years ago, might have been the Borg’s first experiments with the Omega molecule as a power source which was such a devastating waste of time and resources that the Borg have still not fully recovered and archived all the data from that period. Beyond that they were more insular at the time, seeking that technology rather than expanding, and that explains why they have no strong memories about the prominent empires of the era, like the vast subspace tunnel empire, the Vaadwaur, mentioned in “Dragon’s Teeth”.

            However it is also really possible that with only the minimal amount of data from that specific time, in that specific place, about that specific people would be in the Borg hard drives Seven of Nine has access to on “Voyager”.   This would serve as a good explanation of maybe the Borg not having fractured memories, but just her own data stores being limited (I doubt the entirety of Borg Wikipedia could fit in her cargo bay).

End of my Bullshit
            I have been thinking about “Star Trek” lately because of the new series I have not yet seen.  And probably won’t see for a while because CBS can bite me.
            Hopefully any reading this will find my musings entertaining.  It is just my own head canon.

            (Pardon any grammar issues.  I have a real job now and my time for proof reading has dropped off QUITE A BIT).

______________________________
            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.



Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Nerds/Geeks and Toxic Relationships


            This is a set of snippets I took from some random nerd based group on Facebook that relate to the above image.  I am highlighted in orange; the 4 grey responses are 4 different people who didn’t like that I wasn’t biting on the joke.



            I would like to reemphasize that I don’t think the nerd/geek community is particularly healthy when it comes to discussions of relationships and gender equality.  Just the fact that the original post has a “she” instead of a “they” and uses the term “bro” illustrates that there is some kind of nerd-exclusivity happening here.
            I read on twitter and certain corners of the internet about harassment in nerd/geek communities related to women (especially cosplayers) who have to somehow prove that they know something about nerd culture to not be treated like shit and called “whore”.  This is bad behavior and should not be tolerated or encouraged.
            I have talked about this (kind of) before, with the idea that I leaned hard into my little eccentricities because I had been taught by media that I was the main character of my own story and just had to wait for the narrative to catch up to me and push me along.  I just needed to wear a distinctive hat and one day I would be the hero in some story I was not yet aware of.
            This is obviously not the case.
            I get the impression, I have not done a study of any kind, that many nerds/geeks online put up a front.  They adopt the image of something heroic, magical, or interesting because they themselves are not any of those things.  I see this behavior aligning more with shitty behavior toward women, toward minorities, toward anyone who isn’t a white male.
            This behavior happens so often that I am going to put an idea out there and see if it feels true to your experience.  “Alt-Right or racist comments on things, but the Avatar being used is an anime character”.  Do you have any memory of something like that happening?  Have you seen any mentions of the word “whore” next to a picture of Dragonball Z’s Goku?  Have you seen such comments next to other nerd iconography, maybe a Bat symbol or Captain America’s shield?
            I think a lot of these people have lost sight of life.  They have even lost sight of what makes those characters and icons worth being iconic.  Superman is a character all about having power and using it to do good.  Goku is a character that is all about doing one’s best and fighting evil.  I don’t think either of them would want their face next to the “N-word”.  But I’m seeing it.  And I don’t like it.
            Let us look back at the original image.



            Do you think that the message behind these shows is about excluding people from your life because of hobbies?  (I guess “Attack on Titan” could be about that I lost interest in that show immediately for being shit.)  Do you think Goku is the type of person to ignore someone because they they didn’t share his interest in cartoon shows?
            Of course not.  Because Goku had more interests than that, he went on adventures, trained his body, and went out and did awesome things.  All of these characters did.  Stop ignoring life because it conflicts with your cartoon shows.  Have more interests.  Beyond that, don’t be an asshole about your hobbies and interests.  BEYOND THAT, JUST DON”T BE AN ASSHOLE.

            And if you think I am complaining about the hobby, or your love of the hobby, then I am afraid you have missed the point.
______________________________

            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.

Monday, September 25, 2017

Colin Kaepernick and Peaceful Protest

            You have to love how on the pulse my finger is.  I missed the boat.  Again.
            I wrote an outline weeks ago on the topic of peaceful protest during NFL games.  I wanted to ruminate a bit, I am not much of a sports guy so I wanted to do some research on how good a player (or bad a player) Colin Kaepernick is.  Then I could link to an SNL discussion on the topic and some memes talking about it.
            I wanted to speak with some authority about why peaceful protest is a good idea.  BOAT HAS SET SAIL WITHOUT ME.
            I figured there was a coin flip the issue would be completely forgotten or still fringe by the time I got the will power to write about it.  NOPE.  President Trump is bitching about it on Twitter as a way to distract from the Russia investigation, Healthcare, his daughter and son-in-law miss using email in the same way Secretary Clinton did, and the deluge of other scandals and tomfoolery he can’t be bothered with.  FYI, at time of writing this Puerto Rico is fucking disaster area.

            And now that I have missed the topic, I present to you the outline I wrote some weeks ago (more than a month looking at the document time stamp, 8/18/17).  I feel I might have wasted some time talking about Netflix reviews.

---Start

Colin Kaepernick

            At this point I am miffed the entire NFL isn't taking knees.
            Have you seen the news?  I can't think of a better reason to protest than the President speaking with respectful deference to white supremacists and Russian dictators.
            Where the hell is the NFL's moral fortitude where they think standing during the National Anthem is more important than standing up against bigotry?  Bigotry that affects 60% of the players of this sport, by the by.

---End

            Remember dear reader, if you have an opinion on a complex issue but need time to get your thoughts together.  MAYBE just try and hammer that shit out faster than 5 weeks, because the world moves fast.
            In all fairness to me, I am not getting paid for any of this.

______________________________
            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.


Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Netflix Horror, 2 Watchable Things

            I have been watching more and more horror movies on Netflix.  I was doing this in preparation for a 30-day blog challenge for October which would be horror themed because I am a hack and will do things with seasonal synchronicity to drive appeal.  However, I got a real job and have serious doubt that I will bother with a full complement of 30 entries next month because I have the ability to prioritize things.
            To make use of the brain space I would have otherwise wasted by watching these movies I am instead going to do a couple quick reviews.  Yesterday I wrote about the movies that should be avoided, today I move onto the movies that are good enough to watch but I could not imagine them being on anyone’s list of favorites.


---WATCHABLE---

A Dark Song” (2016)
Runtime: 100 minutes
Director: Liam Gavin
Writer: Liam Gavin
            This is a pretty simple premise for a movie, a woman hires some neckbeard wizard to help her perform a demonic ritual to contact her dead child.  As the ritual goes thru its various phases reality starts to break down around them, with mysterious behavior by animals, flowers appearing, and voices in the dark of the night.  Along the way, she comes to grips with her inner demons and ultimately communes with her better angels.


            If you have seen “Jacob’s Ladder”, that is the better version of this premise, as the protagonist’s worldview deteriorates with demons and strange happenings.  If you want more of that premise but with fewer characters, locations, set pieces, and it being generally less scary “A Dark Song” will kill some time.
            My biggest complaint was the character of the neckbeard wizard who alternates between nasty, perverted, mean, and jocular to the point where he comes off unevenly written.  He is too unlikable, and they could have made the movie with an actor and writing that would pull more sympathy from my stony heart.


Death Note” (2017)
Runtime: 101 minutes
Director: Adam Wingard
Writer: Charley Parlapanides, Vlas Parlapanides
            I feel obligated to defend this movie because there is a never-ending chain of weebos clamoring to point out how this is some kind of abomination.  It isn’t that bad.  In fact, I prefer it to the source material.
            If you don’t know, this is the latest adaptation of a Japanese work to be made into a live action presentation in the United States.  The plot concerns a lesser death god named Ryuk (pronounced Ree-youk) who gives his magical notebook to a guy named Light, anyone whose name is written in the book dies, so Light sets out to kill as many evil people as possible, the number of inexplicable deaths draws the attentions of the world’s greatest detective, who goes by the pseudonym “L”.
            Ultimately Light becomes consumed with his own power and starts killing innocent people robbing him of any sympathy, while L is (to me) a Mary Sue character who’s bullshit detective work bumbles into the correct solution and he is hailed as a genius by dipshits in the audience who identify with his bizarre behavior instead of seeing it as a learning disability that holds him back (much like Sherlock Holmes or Doctor House, L is an asshole wish fulfillment character, someone so good at their job they can treat everyone around them like trash and get away with it).


            The original “Death Note” was (to me) bogged down in its own bullshit rules about how the magical killer notebook worked and was kind of a chore to watch.
            This version does not focus on those rules and is more about characters being given the power to kill and seeing what they do with it (I am sure some fans of the anime will semantic me, that is the plot of the anime, but what I am saying is that what the anime was ABOUT; the emphasis of the show was the clever manipulations of the rules and the mind games and deductions surrounding those manipulations, the characters were just vessels for that).
            This movie has, ironically, the exact same issues that the original anime has.  The super detective L has intuitive leaps and lines of reasoning that simply do not track.  I know fans of the original anime like to think that L is some kind of genius, but honestly his conclusions are just as contrived there as they are here, they just have more time to BS an explanation for them in the series, and those explanations do not hold up to scrutiny.


            Since the Netflix movie is about characters who happen to be using a magical book, rather than the anime which is firmly about BS-magical-book-murder with the character's existing as a way to play with rules I am able to enjoy the dynamic/conflict of this movie without having to sit thru long explanations of how smart L and Light are which is the constant focus of the anime.
            It is a matter of emphasis.
            This is by no means perfect.  I think that it should have been a 6-episode series rather than the compacted narrative we got.  I think that more time being spent of the fun gory deaths, psycho-romance, actual detective work (can we please clean up the messy “genius” of L), and… yes, some more looks at the rules and how to use them, would have made the story better overall.  As a whole I think this movie works just fine, truncated as it is.

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Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Netflix Horror, 3 Things to Avoid

            I have been watching more and more horror movies on Netflix.  I was doing this in preparation for a 30-day blog challenge for October which would be horror themed because I am a hack and will do things with seasonal synchronicity to drive appeal.  However, I got a real job and have serious doubt that I will bother with a full complement of 30 entries next month because I have the ability to prioritize things like a paying career and promising future.
            To make use of the brain space I would have otherwise wasted by watching these movies I am instead going to do a couple quick reviews.  Let’s start with the movies that should be avoided, and then tomorrow move onto the movies that are good enough to watch but I could not imagine them being on anyone’s list of favorites.

---AVOID---

Runtime: 89 minutes
Director: Oz Perkins
Writer: Oz Perkins
            I am disappointed to say that this movie is in the Avoid section.  It is a Netflix production, it has a tight little venue where all the action takes place (the titular house) and a good actress (Ruth Wilson) serving as the fulcrum for all the narrative action.  I would even go so far as to say, “I could see someone liking this if it is your kind of thing”.  All of that middling praise out of the way, this movie is cosmically boring.


            I found this film punishingly long.  There is maybe enough material to fill out an hour-length episode of “The Twilight Zone” but this thing is 90+ minutes.  Every scene is stretched past what it needs to be, every action is focused on just a bit too much, and ultimately the lack of “action” (that is to say evolution of the status quo driving the story forward and eliciting the interest of the audience, not explosions or loud noises) keeps me from thinking of this as anything other than a great big waste of your time, and more importantly mine.
            There is no mystery solving, no exploration, and no relationship material happening.  There is no arc.  Boring.  Maybe if you liked the movie, “Under the Skin” (which I hated) you might find the appeal here.  Otherwise, I recommend staying away.


Demonic” (2015)
Runtime: 83 minutes
Director: Will Canon
Writer: Max La Bella, Will Canon
            This movie has a good gimmick.  A detective and psychologist are investigating what happened to a group of ghost hunters who are all either dead or missing after having spent the night in a haunted/cursed/notorious house.  The execution of everything feels weak.
            The movie feels broken, like they had a short film about ghost hunters being killed by what they were investigating but they had to bring it up to feature length.  The scenes with the Detective and Psychologist feel like a studio mandated framing device added to make the original movie (about the ghost hunters) longer and to include some stars for it, as both Frank Grillo and Maria Bello are slumming it big time in this and are the only actors of note (hold on, I just looked up the Asian guy, Aaron Yoo, who is a good character actor and should get more work, I did not recognize him initially though).


            The ghost hunter group is presented in a mix of found footage and regular camera work, which again makes the whole thing feel broken, pick one style and go with it flipping to and away from a gimmick style just makes it weaker.  The ghost hunters are also not distinct enough, there were two thin white guys who blended right together in my mind.
            Beyond that there are lots of little issues, like the house, which is supposed to be abandoned (I think) having lots of furniture in it, including a big rug covering up a demonic seal on the floor (call me crazy, but if I were going to try and flip that house I wouldn’t throw a rug over that, I would sand it off or paint over it… Not something you want the realtor trying to spin to potential buyers).
            The twist ending was middling.  This is the sort of boiler plate, hacked out horror movie that you put on in the background at a party for the people who are more interested in sitting and vegging out instead of mingling.


The Black Room” (2017)
Runtime: 91 minutes
Director: Rolfe Kanefsky
Writer: Rolfe Kanefsky
            This movie is trash.
            Trash.
            I have no idea what tone they were going for, because this thing oscillates between unironic gory horror moments, nasty sexual humor, dumb-childish sexual humor, and unintentional narm.  It feels like a failed parody of the kind of softcore direct to VHS spank material that would clutter the shelves of a local video rental shop in the late 80’s and early 90’s.  Utterly without redeeming feature.


            This is the sort of movie regular access to internet pornography and internet humor should have killed off for good as it is obsolete and unworthy of the time taken to manufacture it.  This movie should be avoided entirely.  If you want a violent sexploitation horror movie watch “Species” instead and do not watch this.  If you want a movie that cunningly moves between horror and comedy watch “Cabin in the Woods” and do not watch this.
            Do not watch “The Black Room”.

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            If you like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click that link to follow me), Tumblr, or Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world.  I would appreciate it.