Standard Introduction
I have been
writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course
of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge. As I have done those a couple times before it
seemed remiss not to jump on this one.
If you want
here is a link to my 30-day
challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day
challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day
challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).
Day 15- My Favorite Celestials
There are
10,000 monsters in this gods damned game.
Expect several top 5 lists this week as there are not too many specific
“favorites” more like “preferred”. Today
is Celestials, such as Angels and Archons (not the weird elemental Archons of
4e, that was one of their stranger decisions).
This is a
harder category than yesterday. As
demons are the bad guys meant to be flattened by the heroism of protagonists
(or just pragmatism, even if you are an evil PC demons and devils are often
rivals and rarely allies) the need for diversity among bad guys makes sense,
you fight them the most often so you need the most variety. Good guys tend to be rather same-same. How is that expression, all happy families
are alike in their happiness, but unhappy families are all unique in their
misery.
There are
fewer varieties of Good Guys in the multiverse because you rarely have to fight
angels. You rarely see angels. No joke,
I was able to pick the 6 Good Outsider groups from the 3rd edition
monster manual and present them all here without much to comment on. Even picking a favorite was more about
pointing to the least boring group and saying, “that”.
Let’s go.
Inspired by the only god in Aztec Myth that wasn't a complete bastard. |
#6: Couatl
It is a
feathered serpent that doesn’t demand blood sacrifice from its worshipers. I strangely feel like these guys should be
cooler and more interesting than they are.
I don’t even think they got a bigger role in 4th edition and
that book had a whole section on magical snakes including a flaming cobra.
Maybe it is
just that the artwork, while colorful and well done, is too small and inactive
to entice people to write about it.
Maybe if they had it fighting some other monster on the page, but it is
alphabetically wedged between a Cockatrice and a Darkmantle, two low level
monsters that would have no business around the angelic snake monster.
The Couatl was
screwed by the alphabet.
This is the 4e version of these guys. The third edition had stranger armor. |
#5: Eladrins
These guys
became a player race in 4e, replacing High Elves to be a teleporting, dead-eyed
society of weirdos (I did not really care for them). In 3rd edition, they were knights errant,
traveling around the multiverse helping the forces of good in random instances,
that is admittedly a lot more interesting albeit harder to identify with.
This is their 3e presentation. It is not just me right? The armor is a little strange. A little too nipple oriented. |
I don’t
know why, but even by the standards of boring good guys these dudes were always
the most boring. 4e helped by making
them a society with their own business to attend to, but as monsters in 3rd
edition they mostly just seem like a story element more easily filled by a Paladin
or Cleric of 5th-8th level, or better yet a Hound Archon
who just flat out looked cooler.
Though emphasis on nipples is not uncommon in good guy armor I suppose. |
#4: Lillend
These are
snake, wing, Valkyries? They are
apparently the celestial creature of Isgard, the Greyhawk stand in for
Asgard. I don’t get why the creatives
chose to make the celestials of Ysgard so strange, but I kind of appreciate
that they are. It would be easy to just
have Valkyries in their traditional form, but they chose to add wings and a
snake-mermaid-esc tail, take away the battle elements traditional for a Valkyrie,
and make them musical. Lillends are
strange.
That
strangeness though, it makes them hard to fit in. What monster is a logical pairing with this
thing? It is also a grappling spell
caster, which in 3e was ALWAYS a contradiction.
They also had nobody else from Ysgard to contextualize them with.
These guys look cool. Especially because they seem to be super into core exercises. Shredded, and not just with talons/claws. |
#3: Guardinals
Does anyone
recall these guys? They are kind of
badass looking. Animal people, a trait I
think is underutilized. I think they
look like the missing members of a larger group, like there was going to be
bears, boars, deer, and others (there probably was now that I let my mind
wander to the “Book of Exalted Deeds”).
The Guardinals are also boring.
Or at least the two in the main book are.
The lion one
roars, the bird guy has a… Fear Aura? I
guess that is unique for a good guy, especially for a bird person. I would have thought the lion would be the
fear inspiring guy, he instead has a protective aura. This is another issue I have with 3e, they
spent so much time on creating a massive and ultra-detailed spellbook that they
often just gave out a list of spells as “abilities”. Even though the lists would differ and that
is where much of the variation came from, having to look up their abilities in
another book made them a pain in the butt.
I think
that these guys should have been merged with my guys at number 1, the Archons. As their own group, they seem vestigial.
Speaking of exercising your core. |
#2: Angels
Angels are
boring looking and pretty much to the man, they just have high stats and are
diamond hard to kill. They can take and dole out lots of damage in very straightforward ways, I kind of liked that trait
in the Horned Devil from yesterday, but here it is so standard issue for the
Angels they just seems less interesting. They all look like physically perfect
beings and act like perfect beings. So,
I am going to be the contrarian and say that I preferred angels in 4th
edition.
4e Angels turn down the sexy knob and crank up the mysterious and ominous. |
In 4th
edition Angels were not really thinking beings, they were kind of like
celestial constructs, created by the gods (of any alignment) to do the bidding
of that god. They looked like they were
made of divine energy and existed to do something, and since they could be
doing something evil they occasionally would fight players. THAT IS AN INTERESTING BREAK WITH PRIOR CANON
AND EXPECTATIONS.
Angels in
Western religions were (and this is my assessment) not nice. They could wipe out armies, deliver edicts,
and were not a comforting presence. The Book of Ezekiel shows them as Lovecraftian monsters rather than anything like
what we picture now. Having Angels be a
tool of a higher being is more interesting than having them be pure good.
This is the more dynamic shot of them together, but there were other good ones. |
My
enjoyment of these guys is mostly inspired by the image of them in the 3.5
edition Monster Manual. The ball of
light, the dogman, and the trumpet player look like they are going on an adventure. This is fun artwork. I wish we could see what they are about to go
up against, but whatever, there is only so much space on the page.
While most
of their abilities (much like the Eladrins) could be filled in by a Paladin or
Cleric of appropriate level I at the very least think this group is diverse
enough LOOKING that I do have some affection for them.
If the
Guardinals and Lillend had been rolled into the Archons to create a group of
exotic looking alternatives to the angels, to serve as the go-to good guy outsiders
I think they would still be around as a group in 5th. As is, they were the more interesting
looking, but were not numerous or profound enough in the game to measure up. If the Archons had hung around they could
have left the angels as their 4e versions, as manifestations of a god’s will
rather than the objective good guys.
The term "Archon" in 4th edition was a term for races of intelligent elementals. I have no idea why they thought they needed another race of elemental inspired monsters. The ones we already had were boring, these are just boring and more anthropomorphized. |
Coming Tomorrow
Tomorrow I
am going to talk about Humanoids and Giants.
______________________________
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