Standard Introduction
I have been
writing about Dungeons and Dragons semi-regularly this year and in the course
of writing those I found a 30-day blog challenge. As I have done those a couple times before it
seemed remiss not to jump on this one.
If you want
here is a link to my 30-day
challenge on Disney Movies, here is a link to my 30-day
challenge on Video Games, and here is a comically out of date 30-day
challenge on Movies (it is old and the writing is rubbish).
Day 17- My Favorite Dragons
There are
10,000 monsters in this gods damned game.
Expect several top 5 lists this week as there are not too many specific
“favorites” more like “preferred”. Today
is Dragons. Here is a twist for you, I
don’t really give a fuck about Dragons.
I emphasize the Dungeon part of Dungeons and Dragons and mostly see
Dragons as the iconic… and underwhelming part of the game. That being said, I will do my usual thing, be
super contrarian and pick things outside the box.
Let’s go.
#6: Dragon Turtle
I like
turtles. They feature in lots of elegant
artwork painted on the sides of vans and surf shops. Aside from that I grew up in Florida, and one
of the more interesting animals you often see at reptile presentations at the
local library, county fair, or school presentation is the Snapping Turtle. The obvious inspiration for the dragon
turtle.
I have
nothing special to say about this. Aside
from, it reminds me of things in the real world that I have seen and as such
feels more real than most dragons. It
has little personality beyond that.
Considering
Wyverns were the way dragons were portrayed in “Skyrim” I am surprised no
effort was made to create Wyvern variants in the core books of 5e, but aside
from some cool art they did nothing to ape material from Elder Scrolls.
Let’s look
past that though. Wyverns are solid
monsters. Flight, a combination of
attacks, and a poison stinger. They are
not bad, just not magical which is one of those aspects of Dragons that shows up
a plenty in western civilization.
#4: Metallic Dragons
Rather than
talk about how much I like these things (a bit, they're fine) I want to point out something that rubs
me the wrong way about these things. I
cannot fathom why they went with Brass, Bronze, and Copper. Copper (being redder and with a green fringe)
and Brass (being yellow-ish) fine, but why Bronze? It is too much like the other two. Not like this is hard to fix either. Just replace it with Iron to serve as a dull
grey, a color not found among the metal or chromatics.
What is
really weird, the bronze dragon is the wrong color in the 3rd
edition monster manual. Bronze is not an
especially yellow metal, and definitely not green. Green trim makes sense for copper dragons
because as copper oxidizes it becomes green (hence the statue of liberty). What is more the 3e Brass dragon is almost
orange (which would be cool, but makes no sense). They tried to fix this in 4e by getting rid
of both the brass and bronze dragons to replace them with Iron (good) and adamantine
(WHAT!?)
Am I crazy or do NONE of these colors look right? |
Adamantine
is a magical and unbreakable metal.
Which implies that a dragon embodying it would be an epic dragon (like
how an adamantine golem is an epic monster).
Having it be one of the core five metallic dragons undermines the Gold
Dragon’s status at the top of the heap and beyond that YOU GET RID OF DRAGONS
BECAUSE THEY LOOK TOO MUCH ALIKE AND THEN HAVE TWO THAT ARE THE EXACT SAME
COLOR!? HOW DOES THAT HELP!?
Bad
designers. NO!
And of
course, 5th edition just went back to 3e’s sorting instead of taking
another swing at the somewhat good idea of 4e to fix it up. They even got the color wrong on the bronze
dragon again.
Sometimes the art on these things gets so epic it kind of gives me a headache. I don't even know what that means. |
#3: Chromatic Dragons
Chromatic
Dragons are fine. They are color
coded. They have a range of
difficulties. I have no trouble telling
them apart from one another and have an easy time recalling which one goes in
which environment. They are classic bad
guys. They are, for most people, the
right kind of boring.
They are
99% of what you expect from a Dragon. Maybe
85% as I feel “Game of Thrones” and “Skyrim” have shaken up people’s
expectations, but they are what people think of when they think of
dragons. Though I guess most normal
people would picture a green dragon living in a cave, shooting fire. Those things don’t line up here, they spread
out those traditional elements, but like I said, 85-99% of what people are
looking for in a classic fantasy bad guy.
I imagine these things were even more popular when Lockheed was the pet of Shadow Cat from X-Men. |
This thing
is awesome. Honestly, who doesn’t want a
pet dragon. I don’t even give a shit
about dragons as icons of mythological wonder and even I find the idea of a
cute little dragon pushing its head into my chin like a surly attention craving
kitty to be freaking adorable.
"Behold! Jugan, the Rising Star!" |
YEAH! I am going for the dragons so obscure at this
point I had to use an image from Magic the Gathering’s faux Asian setting
“Kamigawa” because finding a non-shit image of the dragons from 3e Oriental Adventures is damn near impossible.
I am not
going to lie, picking this has everything to do with me wanting to point out
that the Drake-style Western tradition dragons that define the look of Dungeons
and Dragons are overused to the point of being kind of shit.
While I
know, these are all just charts of statistics with some cool artwork sitting
next to them the fact is, I want some new artwork. Asian style dragons (I think) would have been
a good change to the status quo that should have been put in with 5e. Not Samurai, Not Wu Jen, you don’t need any
other Asian style monsters to start.
But, this, this sort of transgression.
It would have turned some heads.
It's not like a blending of Eastern and Western Influence can't produce something special and beautiful. |
I hate to
be “that guy” who campaigns of diversity for the sake of diversity, but let’s
at least try to shake up what we think of as core. The Giants that were more interesting in 4e
got more boring in 5e. The angels that
were more interesting in 4e got more boring in 5e. Koblods, Goblins, and Orcs all got more
boring in 5e. The Dragons stayed as
boring as they have ever been.
Coming Tomorrow
Tomorrow I
am going to talk about Elementals, Fey, and Plants.
Super
interesting.
______________________________
If you
like or hate this please take the time to comment, +1, share on Twitter (click
that link to follow me), Tumblr, or
Facebook, and otherwise distribute my opinion to the world. I would
appreciate it.
No comments:
Post a Comment